Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

How fat are you then?

My goodness OP, that must have been difficult to overhear. Nonetheless, your partner’s reaction is very extreme to cut off his parents l so quickly and I’d be concerned at being on the receiving end someday yourself! It seems he has either made a big gesture that understandably will feel too much in time, or he has no ability to have difficult conversations. Not a great reflection of his parents or you both in your response to this.

You can’t be serious? Yes I’m sure it hurt to hear. I’m fat and hate to hear it, but it was just an observation. You say they could have said better things, and yes they could, but they could also have said much worse! Unless fat is the worst thing you can imagine.
Going by your reaction to this, and the fact you are with a guy who blocked his parents for this, I imagine there’s much worse they could have said.

This is an utterly ridiculous overreaction and the fact that you actively encouraged him to block his own parents makes YOU the problem here.

Well they are going to pay dearly for their stupidity and unkindness.
I think he should tell them what you heard, how upset you are.
It is absolutely your choice if you do not wish to see them again.
You sound very young to have given up everything to be with him, never a good idea IMO.

But they have t said anything stupid or unkind.
Theyve stated that op isn't usually ds'type, those words weren't meant for op.
But I bet you have said something about someone that would have hurt them if they had heard it,even if it wasnt meant to hurt.

They’ve done nothing wrong, this is isn’t even their opinion as they were talking about their son, your boyfriend doesn’t want to confront them so it was probably an opinion he held (in the past) although that’s obviously not his opinion now, he could have been a child when he last said it! Massive red flag that he has blocked his family, that’s just immature and much crueller than what his parents said (when they didn’t realise you were present).

This post has Shallow Hal vibes

Kindly, your man being 22 explains this whole thing

Still, how nice to know that men out there hate fat women.

How old are you, if hes 22? If youre the same age, moving this far for a relationship isn't so typical, although can be a great thing.

to me, it sounds like you have some stuff to work through girl instead of being in a relationship x

You both sound pathetic and toxic. His poor parents. Whilst their comment was very unkind, they don’t deserve to be cut off. Shame on the both of you, especially HIM for being such a shit son.

I’m sorry but you sound like a drama queen to me. And I speak as someone who has been called plain by her MIL. You just move on. What’s the point in making a drama out of it?

Your DP needs to unblock his parents. It’s such a red flag that he’d do that to his own parents over what is an insensitive and unkind comment, but not one that warrants this reaction, especially as it was a private conversation that you happened to overhear.

Apologies if it’s been asked but what size are you?

He's definitely over reacted.

And I would be wondering if he was the right person for me.

Someone who can ditch his own parents so quickly wouldn't be right for me.

It also sounds quite odd.

Obviously you're hurt over what they said.

To me it's just weird he's decided he's never gonna have contact with his parents ever again.

I can't believe you've made him block his own parents over this. You were not meant to hear that comment and honestly if they've always believed he didn't like bigger women then what's the problem? He obviously doesn't think your fat and likes you anyway. I think it's an evil thing to do make him block his own parents and never seen them again. They are his PARENTS!!! You sound controlling and quite possible abusive and manipulative. He needs to grow a back bone and stick up for himself to you. Can't believe what I'm reading tbh.

Main character syndrome.

Ahh so the plot thickens. Yuve given up so much to be with him so it's only fair that he cuts of his own PARENTS for making an observation?

You both like cutting people off don’t you, what’s that about?

1. I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.
2. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
3. My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

Blimey, a lot to unpack there.

Do you think people should not be allowed to express opinions in private that you don't agree with?

So you crept out of the house and drove off while they were outside. But now you're feeling guilty that DP cut off his parents over this. And at the same time a bit pissed off with him, because they don't know why they're being punished?!

He's 22, and you're presumably around the same age. Don't kid yourself he'll never see his parents again. Not sure you will though...

There's a phrase, 'eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves' and that's what's happened here. One day you'll be the bad guy in this scenario OP, it happens to us all. And when it does, I hope your 'eavesdropper' is a bit more forgiving.

If you continue with this and he wants to reconcile with his parents after some time then essentially you're making him choose between his parents and you which is a horrible way to start a relationship. Really nasty and short sighted, whatever they've said. If you really loved him and what's best for him and your relationship in the long run you wouldn't have reacted this way. I'd suggest swallowing your ego and telling him you've changed your mind if you want it to work.

This puts the real issue in a very neat summation .

OP doesn't seem to notice or care that it's her boyfriend's previously held offensive opinions that are the root of the problem .

I'd be very, very wary of your partner going forward. What happens when he cuts you off with no explanation and you just suddenly can't contact him? And yeah, in the meantime if you are going to stay with him I'd absolutely ask him if he has a history of fat phobia or similar; how could you not?

You seem well matched in your immaturity. Good luck to the pair of you!

They have their opinion based on his past preferences. Very harsh to block his parents for that one comment. And why should you hold them accountable for their factual comment that he didn't like fat girls and is now with one, they weren't lieing.

'Made?'

Her partner has autonomy over his own decisions. He is a grown adult and can't be made to do anything. Partners are not joined at the hip and women don't bear ultimate responsibility for everything men do.

This was his call. Fair enough if OP doesn't want to see them again, that's absolutely her choice. That their own son has followed in that vein is an extreme decision. But it's one that was ultimately his.

Tbh there’s nothing wrong with some people not being attracted to fat people. I’ll admit now that I wouldn’t be with anyone overweight. Sounds like your partner may have at some point said he didn’t like overweight women, but then maybe changed his mind on the subject when he met you.

This has to be a troll post. Fat people know they are fat and people are allowed to comment on what they see.
much lols on the ridiculousness.