Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

He’s 22 and can make his own decisions about who he sees and doesn’t see I just said I don’t need to know people like that

22 is too young to make such life changing decisions. The most sensible approach would have been to ask your partner if it was true...perhaps he DID think that and after meeting you and knowing your character etc he changed his opinion.

However I think he blocked his parents so that they didn't confirm this was truthful and was his previous opinion.

You are handling this badly, your issues with your size is YOUR issue. You need to make peace with your body as you can't police other people's speech. They were just querying his previous opinion and didn't mean for you to overhear.

It's concerning you want to confront them and I think you are best case, over sensitive and need to heal or worse case you are a red flag.

Don't hold him responsible for moving away. That's also on YOU. If it isn't right then move back...sounds like an unhealthy dynamic, where you are clinging to him as don't have anyone else.

I feel like I've stepped into a school bulllies' convention by mistake. Of course it's all the OP's fault because she's committed the hideous crime of being fat so of course it was fine for her boyfriend's parents to discuss how baffled they are that their fat-phobic son is dating a fat girl within earshot of OP.

I’m actually thinking this is a wind up thread.

It’s very harsh to cut them off for a comment that you were not meant to hear. What does that say about your DP that he would do that to his parents without even a
conver?

Same here!

I would definitely share my thoughts to my partner in private if any of our kids brought home an overweight partner, absolutely! Why shouldn’t I be able to share my thoughts with my partner??

@thepariscrimefiles, they were commenting that he didn't usually date larger (fat) women. It's not bullying

So many red flags about this relationship and it’s not the parents

You actually left while they were in the garden, without telling them???

This can’t be real!

"I just said I don’t need to know people like that."

People like what, though? They didn't say they hated you or mock you for your weight, did they? They just said you were outside of your partner's usual type. I suppose it depends on how it was said. As much as it hurts when someone points out you are fat (I am overweight also and have experienced this, even just this week!), if they are just saying it factually it isn't really malicious. I don't think they did anything wrong tbh.

I mean… you must know that he isn’t gonna keep his parents blocked forever. Nor should he.

You are both in shock right now and it must have been really hurtful and very rude and careless of them to have that conversation whilst you were in the same house (or at all).

Have a discussion with him about why they think he “hates fat women”. You obviously don’t want to be with someone who is known to be fat phobic.
It’s good that he had your back in this situation but don’t be naive in thinking he will cut off his parents for you. He won’t and shouldn’t.

No one has blamed her for being overweight? It's her and his dis-proportionate reaction to it that's the problem.

You really don't think there's anything wrong with never seeing your child again for the rest of your life, because you commented in private about something your son had clearly said about fat women in the past?

Sorry, meant to quote this post.

Don’t think it’s especially nasty comment. They were surprised as your appearance is physically different. They didn’t say this to your face. It’s not nice to hear that you’re seen as fat? Is that what you’re saying g. But they didn’t mean it necessarily as an insult and did t say it to you. Maybe you feel hurt but a childish response to block over something you weren’t supposed to hear that isn’t necessarily an insult just an observation really.

This is incredibly bizzare. That is so childish of your boyfriend to block his parents over that…is he 12?!
Also like…what does he think is going to happen? That they’re just going to accept being randomly blocked (as you say they have no idea why he’s done it) and they’re just going to leave it at that and never contact him again? Surely it won’t be long before they get increasingly worried and start contacting other family members/friends, or driving to your home, or even ringing the police? Like what do you and your boyfriend envision happening here!!!!?!

Blocking them is not the answer and not realistic.

He can’t just go the rest of his life not speaking to his parents over a stupid comment.

Yes they shouldn’t have said it and yes it was uncalled for but be adults and communicate to them this instead of blocking them.

That’s not his parents fault though is it!

They absolutely shouldn’t have said that whilst you were nearby, but it sounds like your boyfriend has blocked them because he doesn’t want you to find out that he has actually said that in the past.

You’ve left your friends and family and now so has he? Sounds very unhealthy to me.

Dont let your insecurities ruin a relationship (between parents and him). They were wrong, but not cut your parents off wrong.

I also think you’re choosing to ignore the fact that they wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t say that.

Yes. To each other, in a private conversation.

I understand why you wanted to leave their house and never see them again as what they said about you was hurtful, but I think it's weird for your partner to block them without saying why and apparently never speak to them again. That's pathetic. He should have confronted them and told them they were very rude and maybe distanced himself for awhile, but to literally block them and never speak to them again? Unbelievable.

I understand how hard it is when you feel so bad about an aspect of yourself-- I've been oversensitive about it and bullied for it too. Remember that, despite what others may think, being fat doesn't mean you aren't amazing, beautiful, sexy, interesting, kind, and just plain awesome.

Surely you cannot be serious, this is such an overreaction I can’t believe there’s either much more to it or you’re very young and a bit silly.

I can completely understand you being upset but they weren't actually being bitchy, just expressing surprise based on your partner's previous taste in women. I think to block them and refuse to ever see them again is a total over reaction.

Oh my days!

From 0 to 100 in less than a second

That's such a dick move.

I wouldn't want anything to do with you.

Yh you’re probably right! Why did I even bother to comment on this !