Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

Similar happened to me years ago. Went on holiday with my partner and in-laws and after a lovely day at the beach they were sat at the dinner table as I walked over with some drinks and I overheard them talking about how I i had put on weight and that I used to have a lovely figure! I just sat down with them making it clear I heard and enjoyed their awkwardness. I was gutted don't get me wrong but blocking your in laws seems an over reaction even though they were horrible.

Some people are just so set in their ideal body views they can't see anything else - and that's what's sad! You know your partner loves you and that's all that matters. I hope you feel better.

Maybe when you feel up to it, you and your partner could talk to them about it. They'll feel awkward and you'll feel empowered for taking control.

You’ve handled this all wrong. It’s not nice but this is a massive overreaction!

OP, I think you have something far more important to consider than your partner's parents which is whether he really had always said he hates fat women? If you are so upset about what his parents said, how are you going to feel if he admits that this is true?

As a fat person myself, I absolutely have no sympathy with people who can't own their size. What is the snow-flaking point in not being able to acknowledge the truth? Ridiculous.

😮 She kicked you? That's shocking. I wouldn't have "a great relationship" with someone who kicked me (if they were an adult and of sound mind).

"He's 22 and can make his own decisions."

That's true and includes immature, dramatic overreactions which will horribly backfire in the end. This doesn't bode well for your relationship. Be careful what you do and say because he could ostracise you at the drop of a hat too.

So they didn't know you had heard them but you did and as a result just cleared off whilst they were in the garden, before blocking them? Bit extreme, Op. They might not have any idea what's going on. I can understand it was hurtful to hear but surely you would have automatically asked your partner his views on the topic?

I'm a bit baffled at calling him a new partner after nearly a year. Is that really that new?

This is a massive, massive red flag. His parents said one (admittedly very hurtful) thing and your bf has blocked them. The parents who raised him, who he seemed to have a good relationship with before this happened, wtf?

What happens if one day you say one mean comment? Do you get blocked too? What happens if you have kids together and the kids say one mean comment (which kids often do). Do they get blocked?

Your bf is both incredibly childish and cruel. You seem quite childish, so maybe you're suited. But especially if you ever want kids, I would seriously rethink your stance. Are you planning on telling your future children that they won't have any contact with their grandparents because of one mean comment that you weren't even supposed to overhear?

It's really extreme to block his parents for that. They weren't rude to you directly. It sounds like an honest private conversation.

it would be fair for him to tell them
you overheard and address it with them.

if he's 22 you're probably both very young, which would explain the reaction

Weight is a sensitive subject and they were having a private chat and you eavesdropped and didn’t like what you heard ?? You maybe need to work on your self esteem
you should have had a chat with them expressing how you felt and not just left without a word…blocking them is excessive behaviour and hopefully he won’t live to regret it life is very short

Wow I can understand cutting your family off over big things like abuse or criminal behaviour but to disown them over one remark that was not even directly said to you, I can't believe how cruel this is.

@ninetyninedays are you coming back?

You can’t cut someone off for one comment!!! It’s utterly immature and so unnecessary. Communicate with them explain how it made you feel. They can then explain the heartbreak at loosing their son. You didn’t do the right thing here either.

if I stopped talking to people who said things I didn’t like I would be alone (my PIL, my bro, my SIl, BIL, colleagues, best friend) have all at some point said things about me personally and about my actions that I didn’t like…. Guess what, I have done the same to all of them back!

this decision is damaging to everyone and absolutely heartbreaking. If I was his mum I would be suggesting that you are controlling my son. And by not actively expressing your concerns about this you are!

Good point. If OPs boyfriend goes bald and OPs parents are overhead saying 'he is bald', does OP in agree to him never speaking to her family again and expecting her to do likewise.

I'd be wondering why my partner was so keen to cut off his parents rather than having gently 'you do realise you were overheard' conversation with them (or a full blown argument if he preferred).

1. It looks cowardly on his part - he's not backing you up, he's kicking the problem down the road. They were overheard, should have waited until you left (if at all) and he should back you up. Is he always just going to cut people off if they are perceived to be insulting in some way or the other? Will that include you at some point?
2. Is he cutting them off because he now realises that, if he brings this up with them, he could be opening a whole can of worms about his other 'likes or dislikes' with the women he's dated - which you may also not like?
3. They never said they didn't like fat people, they didn't call you fat. You admit you have a weight problem (so do I, I'm two stone overweight - I am fat). They always seen slimmer people with your partner and he's, apparently, said he hates fat women. Yes, they shouldn't have discussed it whilst there was a chance you'd hear. But he's the one who's said it to them and cutting them off seems very extreme rather than saying...'yes love, in the past I did date slimmer women, but I've met you, love you and I'll have a word'.

Cutting parents off for something that was his fault in the first place just rings alarm bells with me and I'd actually keep in touch with them to find out why such a dramatic reaction.

I think you have exceeded the permissable level of spite and vitriol in a single post.

You overheard a private conversation. I’m sure it was upsetting, but they did not intend for you to hear.

Your reaction was childish and ridiculous. You never want to see them and your partner has blocked his own parents? Think on and grow up. Do you think that people don’t mention your size? Of course they do, you just don’t usually hear them.

You really need to pull yourselves together.

Well she didn't like our comments so I suspect we have been blocked too....

Wow!
So you would never see people who are surprised that the guy who never liked fat women is now dating one? I assume you aren't much older than him?

What happens when his hormones towards you calm down and he realises that he really does not like fat ladies? and block you?

You know, Karma is a bitch, in some future you might have children and their partners will prompt them to block you over the same nothing.

This!

His parents were having a private conversation, not expecting you to eavesdrop in on them.

I’d be horrified if my child did this to me.

Wow wow wow!! I appreciate that hearing something like that would have been painful. No one wants to overhear comments about their body, but the way you responded was not proportionate in the slightest. You left without a word, involved your partner in a total cut-off, and now expect him to sever ties permanently without his parents ever knowing why. That is not accountability. It is a reactive move that avoids direct conflict but creates lasting damage. This is nuts!!

You say they need to face consequences, but they cannot learn from something they do not know happened. You need to separate your own insecurities from their unkind comment. And now turning on your boyfriend because of something his parents said behind closed doors is completely unfair.

Where is your emotional maturity?? Instead of naming the issue and addressing it directly, you escalated it to a full rupture. If you genuinely care about integrity and accountability, you need to tolerate discomfort. That means allowing for direct conversations, not just cutting people off in silence. Otherwise, this looks less like self-respect and more like an attempt to control the situation without engaging with it. You will keep losing people in your life and leave a trail of destruction if you continue like this, and your boyfriend will resent you.

Were they just making a factual observation? How old are you? This cannot be real, you can't sneak off and block family for discussing the truth, one sentence, especially without context to the whole conversation.

This is your insecurity you need to sort it how are the pair of you going to deal with a proper crisis?

If one of our sons turned up with a new partner who was fat, you can be sure my husband and I would mention it to each other. It’s human nature!

no way this can be real