why is called the SCs home when it isn't?

[cardycard]

I keep seeing this scenario.

Woman with her own house. She is paying for the bills. Her DP moves in. His kids come EOW. Why do so many people say it is the SC's home?

Or im just going round to dad's. People move house all the time, I am still wondering what prompted you to say step children should feel so unwelcome in this hypothetical."home "

And if the father isn’t paying the bills ? How is it possibly his home or that of his children ? I don’t hold with women moving their boyfriends in too soon, but neither do I hold with so many men cocklodging. If you have kids you should be prepared to pay your way for them regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman.

You’re focused on the wrong aspect. It’s not “their home” in the sense it’s “theirs” and that they own it, have rights to stay outside of the fact it’s where their Dad lives or it is sone kind of permanent unbreakable arrangement. It’s not about ownership of the property.

It is “their home” in the sense it’s a home - they aren’t guests, they’re a part of the family. They should be able to have belongings there and their own space and also some of the age appropriate responsibilities of being a family member and not a guest - eg washing up or making a meal. If their father moves out then they move out too and it’s his responsibility to provide another place for them to live.

Think of it this way - if a house was owned by a man and he moved his single parent girlfriend and her toddler in, would you really say that wasn’t the toddler’s home? The toddler doesn’t own it, may well have no legal right to be there apart from the relationship between his mother and the homeowner, but if his cot and toys and clothes are there then I’d say that’s his home.

It is different if you are the homeowner and your name is on the deeds then you do own the home. If you rent or live with someone with your kids sometimes, it is not your home or it is a temporary home.

You have to be pretty mean spirited to argue against them calling their fathers home theirs too. They’re just children at the end of the day. Yes, they may not have a legal right to it, but it should still feel like their home and they should be made to feel welcome and comfortable there.

She can absolutely ask him to leave at any point and it is up to him to find a new place to live so the children can visit.

I think you're mixing up a technical term - the father's home being where he lives, and extending to them.

And the more usual definition of a comforting, secure place where you have your own space and things and you feel relaxed.

The father exists and stays in a house that doesn't belong to him? No matter in the eyes of the law.

What?? 🤨 This is just bizarre now. So all people, who rent, are not allowed to say they have a home? They must say "I'm going to my temporary home"…

No, sorry. If you’re going to move in with your partner and you have kids, then the onus is on you to pay for them, not expect your partner to foot the bill just because they own the house or pay the rent. That’s fecklessness.

Nobody is saying the SC should be made to feel unwelcome. But calling it a home is likely to be more devastating if the relationship ends then they have lost their 'home'.

It’s your home, you just don’t have a legal right to it from a financial perspective. Bit weird to say that people ok rented accommodation don’t have homes.

If someone is legally living in a house it is their home.

The person whose name is on the property deeds is the owner of the home. Who is that?

I don’t know the answer to this but i think it’s a bad situation. All parents (fathers or mothers) should provide their children with a stable home and not rely on the (non-parent) partner.

My parents have rented for 50+ years it is absolutely their home, they will never move unless it is into care or the inevitable.

And if that relationship isn’t deemed permanent (as permanent as relationships ever are) then why on earth are kids involved and staying over in the first place?

Who on earth moves their boyfriend and his kids in thinking it’s just temporary?

So you’d begrudge your partner saying to his kids, come on, time to go home, meaning your house to his kids?

If the father lives there, it is their home.

If the woman who owns the house doesn't like that, then they shouldn't have asked a man with children to move in.

Because a parent and their children come as a package.

If you invite a parent to live in your home, then by extension, you have invited their children.

There is a very simple fix for anyone who does not want children to live in their home and that is to not date a parent.

By definition, a parent's home is their child's home. Children can't buy property themselves.

Lots of people are cohabitating - it is no big surprise.

All home for children are temporary because most children move out when they grow up.

The woman is not related to the kids and the father's does not own the property.

But that doesn’t mean she should be expected to pay for them does it ?

Only temporarily. She can ask him and his children to leave any time she wants

No, I think the kids are going to be pretty well messed up by this situation however pedantic you want to be with words. I don’t think it matters whether it’s called their home, Dad’s home, Dad’s temporary home, Dad’s Girlfriend’s home or Alcatraz, the kids are going to be far more messed up by the bizarre attitude of what I presume is their Dad’s girlfriend.