why is called the SCs home when it isn't?

[cardycard]

I keep seeing this scenario.

Woman with her own house. She is paying for the bills. Her DP moves in. His kids come EOW. Why do so many people say it is the SC's home?

It certainly does.

Every Other Weekend.

Every other weekend, standard contact arrangement for useless dads

Unless he forced his way in a set up camp then yes it's her choice.

Not one I would make personally, but if you chose to move a man with DC in, and chose to pay all the bills then you are also chosing to provide a home for his DC.

My fiancés child comes every week for two nights and every other weekend. It is her home. My child goes to my ExH every other weekend, it is her home.

You are conflating two issues:

• Its terribly difficult for children in blended families. They should be made to feel at home with Mum and Dad, wherever that is
• If Dad doesnt pay for stuff, thats nothing to do with the status of the childs home. The woman should sort her cock lodger out.

This is up to the woman, though? If she allows that, then what else would you call the place where the kids' father lives?

'Home' just means where their father lives, and it could mean where they feel at home. Unlikely to feel much like home to them (I speak from bitter experience).

Yes. It's also the fathers home. You don't have to pay towards something to make it your home

Not necessarily a moral decision on the dads part, or a sensible decision on the womans but if he lives in the house, that is his home and be extension his DC

Thanks all for enlightening me. 😊

No, it’s their fathers responsibility to sort that issue, not hers.

If she asks him to leave, and he fails to find an alternative place to live then it would be the father depriving his children of a home

You dont deprive a child of a home by moving house.

No because his home will then be somewhere else.

It’s this sort of view that makes me hope to God that my husband and I don’t break up / die whilst our DCs are young. The thought of a new partner thinking about them like this makes me really sad.

To me personally there is only one true home. As a child I lived with my mum and stayed at my dad’s one night at the weekend. Home was my mums house and I stayed with my dad. I didn’t have my own room there as he lived with his new wife and her 4 children. I never felt out of place and was always welcome but home to me was where my favourite toys were and my possessions.
my children see their dad eow and one night in the week. Their home is with me. I’m the one that does all the school runs and the appointments and manages everything. They stay with their dad.
I see it the same with my sc. Their home is with their mum and they stay here with us. Still made to feel welcome and part of the family.
I feel kids need a stable solid foundation and having two homes as such isn’t what any of us do. There is nothing wrong with saying the main place they are is their home.

No. It's not their home in that sense.

Because they lose that right to call it home when he does.

if you're the house owning woman & he's pulling this shit on you. Just tell him to fuck off, they're his kids, it's his responsibility to provide them with a home. NOT yours

Totally different situation.

I think it depends on the context. If they aren't married and his name isn't on the mortgage or the deeds, from a legal perspective, he doesn't own the home and OP could kick him out and change the locks. It's currently her DP's home if he lives there full time and maybe the kids refer to it as home in conversation e.g. 'what time are we going home' if they are on a day out. I would presume that the children would call the house where they live most of the time with their mum their 'home'.

Why are you asking?

Why are you asking, @cardycard ? Are you having issues with someone in your home?

I have a step daughter and I don't think like this. My daughter is also a step daughter (with the woman my husband left me for!) and she treats her really well. My daughter and my step daughter both say they have two homes. And hopefully neither of you will die. TBH reading between the lines I think the OP is the 'woman' in this scenario. She has a cock lodger boyfriend who is saying she will make his children homeless if she chucks him out.

Yes but that’s for the parents to resolve -
the step children are real humans you know !
generally it is expected that parents provide a home ? If your partner has kids and lives with you, your home becomes the kids home when they are with their parent -

Yes

If it’s the man’s home it’s his children’s home.

I would advise a women to think very carefully before moving a man in in these circumstances though- paying all the bills and he takes up residence there - knowing he and his kids must always come as a package.

A woman is very naïve and unrealistic if she thinks she can move a man in but his kids are somehow just visitors - and not very nice either!

It is a temporary home I guess as if the relationship ends the father nor his children can stay there anymore. It was never really theirs to begin with.

I’d judge the man who accepts EOW and the woman who moves in with a man who has EOW. A man who thinks 4 days out of 30/31 is parenting is pathetic. And no, somewhere they stay 4 nights a month won’t feel like their home.

It is their dads house so for that weekend it is their house, are you in this situation because if you are i would suggest he moved out until his children are adults.

It is their home while they are there unless the home owner exactly stipulates otherwise, eg if relationship with their dad is not a committed one.