Nanny bringing boyfriend round for babysitting

[Didimum]

What would you do?

My 7yr olds twins have a nanny three days a week. No issues with her at all. She is hardworking, respectful and great with the kids. Outside of her usual hours, she will be ‘babysitting’ on Saturday night from 6 til 11/midnight ish. We are just out locally, 10 mins walk away.

When I parted with her this week, she was roundabout hinting if her boyfriend could join her. I didn’t enter into discussing it properly or answering as I wanted to think about it and ask DH what he thought first.

The twins have met him before once, during a summer holiday day when she took the twins to where she was staying with him for a few days (a farm type place that had lots of nice things to do with kids). No issues, but we haven’t met him personally. However it might be a good opportunity to meet him in person if he is going to be around the twins ever, even if infrequently.

My DH isn’t comfortable with it, but says he might be overthinking. He can be a very protective and anxious dad, which I appreciate, but can wrap them in cotton wool a bit more than I do.

YANBU - you haven’t met him and it’s at the twins home during night time hours. He could be a weirdo.
YABU - they are 7yrs old, it’s fine and it would be a good opportunity for DH and me to meet him. You’re overthinking it.

One of the twins is also very nervous at being left. We don’t go out often at all. So I was perhaps thinking he could come once they are in bed to keep her company? They are asleep by 8-8:30 usually. My DH is more comfortable with this idea.

I fear the answers may be skewed due to the hive mind on men around here, so well-balanced answers would be really appreciated.

Has she said why he wants to come over? I have had nannies and this comes up every time. I'd never think of popping over to someone's work place for fun. Is it because she can't deal with the children?

We may be in the same job and I agree. A person in love will ignore a lot of things. I have managed sex offenders who were married to teachers and TAs. Well respected women who you'd have thought would have had their heads screwed on with regards to child safeguarding.

God forbid she should sit on her arse and watch TV while doing evening babysitting!!! 😮
I can see why you choose not to use regular babysitters, as you wouldn’t be able to get your pound of flesh.

@DesperateFTM567

I, like at least one other on this thread, am well aware of what a Nanny's duties are.

I can assure I never ever in 8 years or so of being a Level 3 Childcare ( NNEB in those days ) did general house work or cleaning. My children's parents always had cleaners, one or two had house keepers.

I did sometimes do the children's laundry and sometimes depending on the cleaner's role, ironing of the children's clothes.

However I preferred the age range of around 2 years old - so the child would be at home, tho often there would be an older sibling or two.

I personally wouldn't be bothered about it, The twins are 7, not tiny babies, so it's extremely unlikely that anything will go drastically wrong. If you think one child is nervous then ask him to come later, as you suggested.
Sounds like this is a bit of extra cash and she's giving up her Saturday night. I used to go with my friend for baby sitting sometimes as a teenager, we just sat on the sofa and watched films.

Simply put - she’s an employee whom you’ve presumably vetted and ensured has had a DBS check. You haven’t vetted him. And she’s working so it would be a hard no from me.

It would be a no from me. Sitting and watching tv for 4 hours(and getting paid to do so) sounds pretty amazing to me. The fact she is on her own.......... meh. I do that every night of the week.

She has every opportunity to see her bf when she isnt working.

I wouldnt want anybody in my home that I hadnt met. Particularly not with my 7yo children asleep in their beds.

The only way to be sure nothing bad goes down is him not be there in the first place. It could do more harm letting him than not letting him. How badly would it impact the sitters life and her boyfriends life if you said no?
If she has a problem with no, then I wouldn't hire her anymore because I couldn't trust someone who didnt respect boundaries.

It would be a no from me. There is a risk, however small and it is a completely avoidable risk.

I also think it’s a good idea to just keep work and personal life separate and not set a precedent where he can be included at her work. I would be mindful of avoiding a future scenario where she has them during school holidays and he’s off work too and wants to spend the day with them or meet for lunch or whatever. Even if nothing sinister you’re potentially getting in to a scenario where your kids are exposed to someone who you haven’t chosen carefully, as you did your nanny, without you there. That wouldn’t be for me.