Non-binary teacher?

[Thompson198]

Name change.
I’ve got a 5 year old daughter due to go into year 2 in September. We’ve just been told that the teacher for next year is a non-binary/‘non-gender-conforming’ man who wants to be referred to by ‘Mx’ (pronounced mix) and they/them pronouns.
Quite a few of the parents have already complained and started looking for other places at local schools because of this.
what do you think?
My daughter has SEN and is one of the youngest in her class, I worry how she’s going to be able to keep up with the pronouns and understand this without us having to teach her about gender ideology at her age. My husband is extremely against teaching her gender ideology, especially so young, I’m not the most positive about it either but don’t feel as strongly as him. He also doesn’t want her being at the school in September but they have been very supportive for her so far and I’m concerned it might not be the same elsewhere.
Thoughts? How would you feel if this was your child’s teacher?

You are coming from this only from your own considered perspective. You are not acknowledging that there are parents who are not providing the scaffolding that you are.

In that sense, your experience is actually irrelevant. I have seen the opposite happening and that is where safeguarding is needed and is weakened.

How can you teach a child about autonomy without precise and accurate language by the way?

Especially when there is also an issue where a child is potentially forced by policy to not use correct sex language for someone they know is male or female?

I have seen it at least twice over the past few years.

@BundleBoogie thank you for your kind post. It is such a difficult subject and not mumsnet friendly.
@TheKeatingFive and I are often on the same threads (I've had to have a name change after some tricky posters).

We all want our DC to be safe and given a good education. Not wanting to derail the thread I would just say my daughter poses no risk to children or women. Infact she's vulnerable. I personally don't understand why she would want to identify as a man. It's not sexuality or full dysphoria but she does hate her chest. I've offered a reduction but nothing else. We're a family with a history of breast cancer. She's a science based brain so I've managed to keep her away from body modification but at school TRA was rife. The bullying from overseas was rife.
I think this man should be given a chance but it's not my DC or my choice.
You've had good advice OP.

Speaking as an experienced infant teacher, the children will literally give zero fucks. If he's visually confusing, they'll ask flat out "are you a boy or a girl?" Then take it from there.
And Mix will immediately turn into Miss when it's getting butchered by a 6yo.
But who really cares? The world is full of variety.

That's a fair point and in that respect, I feel like my children are almost more privileged than others.

I truly wish I hate a neat, perfect answer to give you but I don't. I don't know if my way is the right way. I don't know for sure that I'm not doing more harm than good. I can only do my best. For me, as I said upthread, a lot of my experience is just that - my own.

I'm probably naive and definitely ignorant. But I struggle to think that generally approaching this issue with tolerance in mind is a bad thing. If I had a niece who has been through what another poster's has, then I'd probably feel the exact opposite. And as with all massive societal shifts in the past, there are arguments to be made on both sides of this, and concessions needed somewhere along the way.

Unfortunately, as with most things, we can only be objective to a point. I have seen the very real benefit to accepting people - even young people- as who they want to be, even if I don't necessarily agree with their beliefs, so it's hard for me to see it as a problem that needs to be eradicated. You see the dangers to young people, and I see the benefits.

I have used precise and accurate language when teaching autonomy.

Explaining that some people see gender as fluid while others see it as directly related to biological sex hasn't affected my ability to do that.

Though the point upthread about the inherent sexism is definitely giving me food for thought. I'm learning as I go, just like everybody else.

@zingally brilliant thank you.

My DD tried the mx and got are you a doctor miss? Not interested in the mx.

I guess the obvious start is to ban gender ideology from schools. Teachers aren’t supposed to teach about their own personal political beliefs anyway.

We should require the same standards of all teachers and not give those with identities special treatment.

Given the obvious determination of some trans activists to ignore rules and reasonable requests I think it needs a proper ban and some firm action from government. In some areas trans activists have used schools to recruit kids to trans ideology. Thankfully in my area there are few activists and a tiny handful of kids affected but a couple of years ago, schools in Brighton were reporting huge numbers of kids identifying as trans - I can’t remember the proportion but it was vast. That is indoctrination.

They just wanted to see a stethoscope.
. Not that type of doctor.

Just teach your child that gender is expressive and sex is biological (so I'm biologically female and my gender expression is woman- the same as my biology- but some people are biologically female with a male gender expression and vice versa, and some people have a non-binary/androgenous gender expression). It doesn't really matter. Kids just accept things like that.

ok.

How have you explained the sex of those who are gender fluid? How have you given your children the tools to understand that someone who is gender fluid is male or female and to correctly understand which sex is there in front of them? Particularly if a male is demanding pronouns that are not relating to his sex.

How do you teach precise and accurate language when teaching autonomy please? I am not sure what you mean here.

How can a person use precise and accurate language when they are explaining something about a male person when using language that obfuscates that the person is male when it is very important information to know?

They can require that teacher to adhere to normal rules that all teachers are subject to and not promote his personal political beliefs in the classroom. The law doesn’t demand that he’s allowed to do that.

Not everyone believes that though.

But what is a male gender expression / female gender expression?

A bunch of regressive stereotypes.

Yes. I can imagine that gut wrenching feeling some/many girls will experience when they realise what they’ve done to themselves and that they won’t be able to feed their baby and will never have their breasts ever again.

It’s not like badly judged tattoos some might get in their late teens/early 20s, this is amputation.

Then I have to stop thinking about it because I can remember making terrible decisions then I was that age and I find it too sad to think of them.

I will never understand why not.

What does 'seeing gender as fluid' actually mean though?

Again, I can only speak to my own experience but I have explained male and female sex. And when it has come up, admittedly older than aged six, I've explained that some people while born biologically male or female feel more comfortable not identifying themselves as a boy or a girl and would rather people use 'they' when talking about them, not 'he' or 'she'.

I'll be honest; I'm struggling to understand why this is difficult to understand, so forgive me if I'm seeming flippant about it. I am being completely sincere.

The Oxford English dictionary agrees with me, so belief doesn't matter. It's linguistic fact.

It’s not a fact, it’s a philosophy or belief. There are plenty of them in the dictionary.

The Oxford English dictionary agrees with me, so belief doesn't matter. It's linguistic fact.

Im not sure they do that young, they take a lot on face value.

If my kid asked directly I would probably go with simplistic honesty. Mx X doesnt feel like they're a boy or girl, so they like Mx because it feels a bit in the middle to them. No I dont really understand it either sweetheart but it's important to be polite to your teacher and kind to people even if you dont understand them. As long as they're a good teacher and kind to you thats all that matters.