To be angry with school

[crossmummas]

My daughter who is 11 went on a residential school trip.
She has just come home in flood of tears as she cried each night as she missed us and wanted to come home. I don’t think she clearly said to the teacher ‘I want to come home’ but did say she was homesick and missed her family. She was crying for around 20 minutes.

I am so cross the school didn’t ring me so I could pick her up. I actually only live 5 minutes away from the place she was staying.

I’m not sure whether to ring and ask to speak to the headteacher tomorrow or to write a strongly worded email to the school or if I’m over reacting. It’s the first time she has stayed away from home.

Just because your parents treated you and your husband this way, doesn’t make it right hun.

When they express they want to, and we feel they’re ready. Not a chance that would be before 13/14.

Don't blame you at all. My favourite is always when the parents ask if they can come on the trip too - ridiculous.

How come she has never stayed away before op?

It's not just children who need to build resilience but the parents as well judging by some of the threads on here.

the teachers will be mighty pleased about, I’m sure!

Residentials are dangerous??
Where do you think they’re going? Iraq?

So they never get to share the experience with their friends and find out if they would have liked it. Very sad.

It's quite unusual to get to 11 and have no experience of nights away. Lots of children do sleepovers, beaver/cub camps and school trips earlier than yr 6. They tend to start with one night, then a weekend and build up to a week and your dd may have benefited from a more gradual approach

Both my daughters were 9 when they went away for a weekend with brownies.
(Not together of course, they were 9 at different times obvs) They'd gone to sleepovers before then, with very good friends or relatives, but brownies was the first time they'd stayed somewhere that wasn't in a familiar person's home.

Tears at bedtime isn't unusual in that setting. 20 minutes crying wouldn't sound an alert that a child was inconsolable. They've been busy, active and probably not sleeping when they should and it all becomes a bit overwhelming at the end of the day. One of my daughters said she had cried, and I asked why she didn't tell someone. She said another girl was crying too so that made her feel not quite so silly and consequently a bit better.

Maybe some children really cannot hack being away from home, and residential trips are not for them. They find that out and never have to go again should they not wish. But you have to let them try it in the first place otherwise how will anybody know? As I said, 20 minutes of crying doesn't really call for a ride home at age 11. You are overreacting. The school is not at fault. I understand your daughter is precious and you can't bear to think of her being upset - but this is nothing. Really, nothing, and will stand her in good stead for future challenging situations.

It makes me weep for the future!

Angry with school? ? Get a grip. Part of growing up? She will have been fine 90+% of the time. Perhaps the staff had no idea she was upset either. Bring her home and what happens next trip? She misses out?

Way to exclude your kids from every friendship group they find themselves in!

You are by implication insulting all the parents who allow their DC to go on residentials, including me. Proof of a child being secure is their ability to separate from their parents. Our job from the second the umbilical cord is cut is to enable them to function happily without us. The biggest danger to children since the 1970s has been cars, not paedophiles, who are not lurking in every school. How are you going to handle requests from your DC if they want to go on orchestra trips? Sports trips. Camps? Stay with friends overnight?

Do we think OP has rocked up to the headmasters house, tamping!

For goodness sake is there anything that doesn’t warrant a strongly worded email these days? No wonder children have no resilience.

I’m soooo pleased on your kids teachers behalf 😍

That’s a You problem. You’re projecting your own anxieties and making sure your own kids miss out
Ridiculous

They must be nervous wrecks.

Some parents have no choice.
In the Armed Forces and posted abroad for a spell. In the Diplomatic Corps. You can't drag your children to a different posting every couple of years. The children get to fly out every school holiday and see the World.
Mine wanted to weekly board, I wanted her home.. Not all kids are clingy.

drive up the motorway to uni etc

Aaaagh! Daughter aged 19 driving a 400 mile round trip to uni and back for the week in my car that I lent her!

THAT is when your heart is in your boots.

Our parents loved us, we had amazing fun at boarding school, lifelong friendships even today 40 yrs later. Circumstances at the time made it necessary for us to be educated overseas. We learnt the value tine spent with family, we learnt to make friends any and everywhere we went, to advocate for ourselves at a young age so we had built confidence by the time we were teenagers. I have children and chose not to send them to boarding school and we are just as close to our kids….but I don’t believe in mollycoddling or pandering, you’re not doing them any favours! Both of mine went away with their schools in primary years, both did Duke of Edinburgh Gold, successful at uni and resilient, independent and capable adults. No anxiety, no being overwhelmed when life didn’t go to plan..I’d rather that than the trend for teens now who can’t seem to cope with the slightest obstacle or challenge and expect the world to treat them kindly because more often than not, it doesn’t..I’m not saying everyone needs to pack their kids off to boarding school at 7, but perhaps let them be more independent and resilient…HUN (that’s terribly condescing to address a stranger like that, in case you didn’t realise)

Bit weird to even send your kids to school with people who you believe could be child abusers, really should home school. Tut tut, hun fail.

It sounds like she didn’t express her feelings to the teachers clearly enough but it’s also possible that even if she had, they wouldn’t have necessarily changed anything. Would work on her ability to express / assert herself.

I said what I said.

Remember that statistically, your kids are most likely to be abused by either you or your husband/male partner.

Closely followed (depending on the type of abuse) by family members, so maybe your brother or one of their grandparents.

Brilliant