Page 10 | To be angry with school

crossmummas · 2025-07-03T14:50:44+00:00

My daughter who is 11 went on a residential school trip. She has just come home in flood of tears as she cried each night as she missed us and wanted to come home. I don’t think she clearly said to the teacher ‘I want to come home’ but did say she was homesick and missed her family. She was crying for around 20 minutes. I am so cross the school didn’t ring me so I could pick her up. I actually only live 5 minutes away from the place she was staying. I’m not sure whether to ring and ask to speak to the headteacher tomorrow or to write a strongly worded email to the school or if I’m over reacting. It’s the first time she has stayed away from home.

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

gottakeeponmoving · 03/07/2025 19:35

YABU.
Kids being homesick is nothing new.
I am surprised the organisers didn’t discuss this possibility beforehand. Before any residential trip the school my kids were at would have a meeting with parents and children in the school hall. It was made very clear that there would be no contact with home and no phone calls for the duration.

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:36

NC28 · 03/07/2025 19:33

Remember that statistically, your kids are most likely to be abused by either you or your husband/male partner.

Closely followed (depending on the type of abuse) by family members, so maybe your brother or one of their grandparents.

Show quote history

My kids are safe and loved at home. Too many teacher / club leader nonces. Too many horrible kids. No thanks.

Dominoeffecter · 03/07/2025 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Better that than a hysterical helicopter.

Dominoeffecter · 03/07/2025 19:36

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:36

My kids are safe and loved at home. Too many teacher / club leader nonces. Too many horrible kids. No thanks.

Show quote history

So you home school then?

Theroadt · 03/07/2025 19:37

mummybear35 · 03/07/2025 19:31

Our parents loved us, we had amazing fun at boarding school, lifelong friendships even today 40 yrs later. Circumstances at the time made it necessary for us to be educated overseas. We learnt the value tine spent with family, we learnt to make friends any and everywhere we went, to advocate for ourselves at a young age so we had built confidence by the time we were teenagers. I have children and chose not to send them to boarding school and we are just as close to our kids….but I don’t believe in mollycoddling or pandering, you’re not doing them any favours! Both of mine went away with their schools in primary years, both did Duke of Edinburgh Gold, successful at uni and resilient, independent and capable adults. No anxiety, no being overwhelmed when life didn’t go to plan..I’d rather that than the trend for teens now who can’t seem to cope with the slightest obstacle or challenge and expect the world to treat them kindly because more often than not, it doesn’t..I’m not saying everyone needs to pack their kids off to boarding school at 7, but perhaps let them be more independent and resilient…HUN (that’s terribly condescing to address a stranger like that, in case you didn’t realise)

Show quote history

I agree - “hun / sweetie / love” all patronising

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:38

mummybear35 · 03/07/2025 19:31

Our parents loved us, we had amazing fun at boarding school, lifelong friendships even today 40 yrs later. Circumstances at the time made it necessary for us to be educated overseas. We learnt the value tine spent with family, we learnt to make friends any and everywhere we went, to advocate for ourselves at a young age so we had built confidence by the time we were teenagers. I have children and chose not to send them to boarding school and we are just as close to our kids….but I don’t believe in mollycoddling or pandering, you’re not doing them any favours! Both of mine went away with their schools in primary years, both did Duke of Edinburgh Gold, successful at uni and resilient, independent and capable adults. No anxiety, no being overwhelmed when life didn’t go to plan..I’d rather that than the trend for teens now who can’t seem to cope with the slightest obstacle or challenge and expect the world to treat them kindly because more often than not, it doesn’t..I’m not saying everyone needs to pack their kids off to boarding school at 7, but perhaps let them be more independent and resilient…HUN (that’s terribly condescing to address a stranger like that, in case you didn’t realise)

Show quote history

“Definitely over reacting 🙄 all kids get homesick when first few times away from home, running to pick them up is not doing them any favours in resilience. From someone who went to boarding school half way across the world from my family (literally on other side of the globe!) at the age of 11 and whose husband did the same but at the age of 7, it really isn’t that big a deal! You cry, you get used to it and you start to have fun, it’s made me who I am today, strong, resilient, independent and able to look after myself wherever I go. Let it go and don’t be THAT mum..”

Do you seriously believe this whole life story of yours wasn’t condescending or are you really just that arrogant?

IdaGlossop · 03/07/2025 19:38

Dominoeffecter · 03/07/2025 19:32

Bit weird to even send your kids to school with people who you believe could be child abusers, really should home school. Tut tut, hun fail.

Home schooling has its risks because child abusers are everywhere. Postmen. Delivery people. Road sweepers. Milk deliverers. Canvassers. Refuse collectors. Window cleaners. House cleaners. Gardeners. Neighbours. Building contractors. Friends. Family. Social workers. Star gazers. The man in the moon. Keep them locked in their room with black paper on the window is really the only safe way.

Shmoigel · 03/07/2025 19:38

The word hun makes a little bit of sick come up every time!

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:39

Dominoeffecter · 03/07/2025 19:36

So you home school then?

Show quote history

At school during the day for 6 hours?

On a trip overnight for days on end with no contact with parents.

These aren’t comparable scenerios. Don’t be obtuse.

Hanovercrosse · 03/07/2025 19:39

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:36

My kids are safe and loved at home. Too many teacher / club leader nonces. Too many horrible kids. No thanks.

Show quote history

Best to cover them in bubble wrap and lock them in a cupboard until they’re 40
You just never know 👍🏻

Dominoeffecter · 03/07/2025 19:40

IdaGlossop · 03/07/2025 19:38

Home schooling has its risks because child abusers are everywhere. Postmen. Delivery people. Road sweepers. Milk deliverers. Canvassers. Refuse collectors. Window cleaners. House cleaners. Gardeners. Neighbours. Building contractors. Friends. Family. Social workers. Star gazers. The man in the moon. Keep them locked in their room with black paper on the window is really the only safe way.

Show quote history

That’s so true hun 🤭 you can never be too safe, noncey man in the moon.

Shmoigel · 03/07/2025 19:41

Dominoeffecter · 03/07/2025 19:40

That’s so true hun 🤭 you can never be too safe, noncey man in the moon.

Show quote history

Not the man in the moon!!! 🤣

NC28 · 03/07/2025 19:41

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:36

My kids are safe and loved at home. Too many teacher / club leader nonces. Too many horrible kids. No thanks.

Show quote history

With respect, how many women say that, while their husband is doing it right under their nose? Or grandad when he takes them to the football, or an uncle who watches them for a few hours at the weekend?

I’m not saying for one second that this is occurring in your home, but it does happen right under the safe, secure, reliable roof of many families.

I agree, FWIW, on the beasts who infiltrate church groups, after school care, sports clubs etc. Absolutely, they exist and if it were up to me, they’d be put down upon conviction. Public hanging would be appropriate. I’d kick the stool from under their feet myself.

I guess it’s up to us as parents to ensure the kids know what is/isn’t ok, and have the courage to speak up if anything ever happens that seems off to them.

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:41

Really did hit a nerve with you huns, didn’t I? Jeez it’s almost as though you know deep down it’s wrong to send your kids away with no contact 😮🤭

Dominoeffecter · 03/07/2025 19:41

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:39

At school during the day for 6 hours?

On a trip overnight for days on end with no contact with parents.

These aren’t comparable scenerios. Don’t be obtuse.

Show quote history

It’s not obtuse, if you genuinely believed they were at risk of potential ‘nonces’ within the teaching body of their school then 6 seconds would be too long, let alone 6 hours.

mummybear35 · 03/07/2025 19:42

Theroadt · 03/07/2025 19:37

I agree - “hun / sweetie / love” all patronising

Show quote history

Boils my piss when someone says hun to me…first of all, it’s not spelt correctly if it’s intended to be the shortened version of ‘honey’ and secondly, it’s incredibly patronising and condescending but perhaps it was meant to be facetious and to offend judging by poster’s replies to others. I’d love to fast forward twenty years to see how that helicopter restructive over protective parenting style worked out..

Lilactimes · 03/07/2025 19:42

MagnifyingLass · 03/07/2025 19:23

It's quite unusual to get to 11 and have no experience of nights away. Lots of children do sleepovers, beaver/cub camps and school trips earlier than yr 6. They tend to start with one night, then a weekend and build up to a week and your dd may have benefited from a more gradual approach

Both my daughters were 9 when they went away for a weekend with brownies.
(Not together of course, they were 9 at different times obvs) They'd gone to sleepovers before then, with very good friends or relatives, but brownies was the first time they'd stayed somewhere that wasn't in a familiar person's home.

Tears at bedtime isn't unusual in that setting. 20 minutes crying wouldn't sound an alert that a child was inconsolable. They've been busy, active and probably not sleeping when they should and it all becomes a bit overwhelming at the end of the day. One of my daughters said she had cried, and I asked why she didn't tell someone. She said another girl was crying too so that made her feel not quite so silly and consequently a bit better.

Maybe some children really cannot hack being away from home, and residential trips are not for them. They find that out and never have to go again should they not wish. But you have to let them try it in the first place otherwise how will anybody know? As I said, 20 minutes of crying doesn't really call for a ride home at age 11. You are overreacting. The school is not at fault. I understand your daughter is precious and you can't bear to think of her being upset - but this is nothing. Really, nothing, and will stand her in good stead for future challenging situations.

Totally agree with this @crossmummas
Personally I would leave it. If your dd was truly in a bad way they would have called you.

Ddakji · 03/07/2025 19:43

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:20

When they express they want to, and we feel they’re ready. Not a chance that would be before 13/14.

Show quote history

How old are your children?

NC28 · 03/07/2025 19:44

Hanovercrosse · 03/07/2025 19:39

Best to cover them in bubble wrap and lock them in a cupboard until they’re 40
You just never know 👍🏻

Show quote history

Do I need to be worried in order to put my kid in the cupboard, or can I just do it for a bit of peace in the evenings? 😆

Dominoeffecter · 03/07/2025 19:44

Shmoigel · 03/07/2025 19:41

Not the man in the moon!!! 🤣

Show quote history

He’s the worst one, peeping in EVERY night!

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:45

NC28 · 03/07/2025 19:41

With respect, how many women say that, while their husband is doing it right under their nose? Or grandad when he takes them to the football, or an uncle who watches them for a few hours at the weekend?

I’m not saying for one second that this is occurring in your home, but it does happen right under the safe, secure, reliable roof of many families.

I agree, FWIW, on the beasts who infiltrate church groups, after school care, sports clubs etc. Absolutely, they exist and if it were up to me, they’d be put down upon conviction. Public hanging would be appropriate. I’d kick the stool from under their feet myself.

I guess it’s up to us as parents to ensure the kids know what is/isn’t ok, and have the courage to speak up if anything ever happens that seems off to them.

Show quote history

I’m not taking that risk with my kids. The only people who will have my kids overnight are people I trust with my whole heart. Besides my husband, that would be my Mum, his Mum, my Grandma and my sister.

I know people who have been abused on sleep overs. I know kids who have bullied on school trips for the teachers to brush it off. I know teachers who have abused kids.

No one can ever convince me to send my kids away with strangers. Ever.

Hanovercrosse · 03/07/2025 19:45

NC28 · 03/07/2025 19:44

Do I need to be worried in order to put my kid in the cupboard, or can I just do it for a bit of peace in the evenings? 😆

Show quote history

Up to you ‘Hun’, best check under the bed for nonces though first 👍🏻

Shmoigel · 03/07/2025 19:45

MumWifeOther · 03/07/2025 19:41

Really did hit a nerve with you huns, didn’t I? Jeez it’s almost as though you know deep down it’s wrong to send your kids away with no contact 😮🤭

I have taken hundreds of kids away on camps and residentials over the years so the fact you think I’m a nonce does slightly “hit a nerve”

I’m a mum like you, but the difference is that I volunteer and as a result, get to spend even more time with my daughter making amazing memories with her and her friends!

Hanovercrosse · 03/07/2025 19:46

How old are your kids @MumWifeOther ?