To be angry with school

[crossmummas]

My daughter who is 11 went on a residential school trip.
She has just come home in flood of tears as she cried each night as she missed us and wanted to come home. I don’t think she clearly said to the teacher ‘I want to come home’ but did say she was homesick and missed her family. She was crying for around 20 minutes.

I am so cross the school didn’t ring me so I could pick her up. I actually only live 5 minutes away from the place she was staying.

I’m not sure whether to ring and ask to speak to the headteacher tomorrow or to write a strongly worded email to the school or if I’m over reacting. It’s the first time she has stayed away from home.

I genuiney feel sorry for teachers.

Teaching staff have given up their own time for no additional pay.
The only strongly worded email you should be sending is one saying thank you.

Thank you for organising the residential - this takes huge amounts of time and effort
Thank you for taking responsibility for a group of children - I know this is a huge ask, and not easy.
Thank you for giving my daughter some different experiences
Thank you for looking after her 24/7 and having her best interests at heart
Thank you for giving up your own time with your family so my daughter could have this experience

I work in a school and have had my fair few share of meltdowns and tears. If I called the parents every time this happened I’m pretty sure they’d get annoyed with me quite quickly. My own daughter has been on a residential this week (back tomorrow) and we’ve been updated via a private Instagram page with photos/quotes from the kids which has been lovely. I’m sure she’s fine and it was probably 2 minutes rather than 20. It’s her first time away, plenty of reassurance from you as there’ll be lots more trips once she’s in high school.

I was this kid. I loved the trips but cried to go home every single night. Told my mam I wanted to come home in floods of tears. Every guide camp, every school trip and even every air cadet camp. I didn't cry for hours, for 30/40mins, went to sleep and enjoyed the next day. Would I of appreciated being picked up? At the time yes but next day no! I would of hated not being in on the rest of the activities. Kids at school talking about it for next few weeks and not being able to join in, shut out of conversations. Kids even taking the mick I had gone home early. No the teachers did the right thing. Kids are always going to be upset at bedtime being away from home. Parents are always going to worry. There is a difference between being homesick and making yourself ill and upset all day, not joining in, because you want to go home. Wind your protective arms in and comfort your daughter with everything she loved about it and wouldn't have done if she didn't stay. You will do her much more good that way, than overreacting.

OP- listen to the camp Granada song by Alan Sherman !

Christ how are kids being prepared for the real world if parents want to cut short activities and pick them up because of snivelling.

Omg she’s 11! My 8yo went on a residential to another country!!
huge overreaction. You have the completely wrong idea about what residentials are about. Maybe do more sleepovers till she becomes a bit more resilient

My DS said at his residential, all of his room mates were crying and missing their mums especially the first night - he said he cheered them up and no one told because they didn’t actually want to go home.

id only complain if your DD had clearly and repeatedly said she wanted to go home.

I’ve been on many residentials and the only time a child has been picked up is for an illness or injury (they’d stay if they had a mild cold/ twisted ankle or something). They don’t get picked up for homesickness and they certainly don’t call their parents - it makes it worse. She needs to build resilience with the support of her friends and teachers.

God, no wonder it’s hard to get teachers and keep them.

I run Girlguiding camps and wouldn’t phone a parent for some pre-bed wobbles (and we tell parents this in advance). They are usually transient and speaking to a parent on the phone often makes it worse. I also wouldn’t expect to have to pick my child up for 20 mins or so or upset over the course of a whole day. It’s not uncommon for kids to get a bit teary at bedtime on overnight residentials, but picking them up at first sign of upset means they miss out on so much.

Teacher here who’s done loads of residentials. Lots of kids do this when they kept home because they are emotional and shattered. Teachers aren’t monsters - they wouldn’t have kept her captive against her will. We try to keep kids on residential if possible though as it builds their resilience, and completely derails all the other children if one child gets briefly homesick and is then allowed to go home. Just praise her for seeing it through and I’m sure in the next couple of days, you’ll hear about all the stuff she loved doing on the trip.

Sorry OP but over reaction. I'm a TA who usually does 2 residentials a year, I do not get paid for the overtime, I put my heart and soul making sure the children have the best time possible, I have spent my evening's after doing activities all day (12+ hour day) sat on the floor outside children's rooms making sure that they were OK going to sleep, are there tears- sometimes, do I reassure them absolutely, do they sleep well, probably not but it's not fair to complain when staff take unpaid time, away from their own families and it's EXHAUSTING. If a child is genuinely upset or poorly, we wouldn't hesitate in calling the parents, believe it or not we have the childs best interests at heart. So please, take a minute, think of the bigger picture.

I also run camps and residentials in my youth role.
we have often had bed time wobbles, unless a child is truly upset and it’s affecting the rest of the children, I too would approach this as a wait and see situation.

Unless you still want her living in your basement at the age of 40, get her enrolled in guiding, scouts, cadets. Anywhere away from the apron strings!

I too would like to second thanking the staff that took time away from their homes unpaid!!
I have done residentials in education and my youth role. These amazing people don’t get paid to do this. Please show them some appreciation for supporting your daughter to grow and be resilient.

How horrible for your daughter. I know my kids school would do the same and pass it off as some sort of “resilience” building opportunity, hence one of the reasons why my children have not / will not be going on residentials .

At home at 40 quivering away in the basement unless you send your kids away for nights on end with people you barely know and other kids who probably can’t be trusted… no thanks 🙄

It’s the first time she has stayed away from home.

Well, perhaps you should have

1. Organised some practice overnights before now.
2. Not sent her and kept her at home.

Or

1. Accepted that a child who is nearly off to secondary school whose parents hadn't bothered to do 1 or 2, would probably be a bit upset on their first night away from mummy.

Good grief. How do you ever expect your children to grow up and learn independence. Residential’s are a great thing for building kids confidence.

OP you are being ridiculous. Give you child a big hug and make a huge fuss that she did it! She coped away from home, despite feeling homesick. That’s a brilliant achievement!
Turn this round and make her feel like the bravest kid there is. You have got an opportunity here to use this to really build her self belief.

Please don’t ring the school.

This.

My children are secure and safe, and that’s much more important than being “resilient”.

They will in their own time, build resilience.

Residentials are dangerous. I would never willingly allow my child overnight with potential child abusers and bullies.

If she was ok the rest of the time and appeared to be enjoying the activities during the day then I’m inclined to think that she was perhaps tired and over emotional at night. It would be different if she cried all day and night. These teachers work with children day in day out, I’m sure they made a judgement call based on how she was in general. They can’t go ringing home for every kid who has a wobble at night.
Maybe find out how she was otherwise before you go all guns blazing.

Some incredibly neurotic parents on this thread. No doubt raising neurotic kids.

Definitely over reacting 🙄 all kids get homesick when first few times away from home, running to pick them up is not doing them any favours in resilience. From someone who went to boarding school half way across the world from my family (literally on other side of the globe!) at the age of 11 and whose husband did the same but at the age of 7, it really isn’t that big a deal! You cry, you get used to it and you start to have fun, it’s made me who I am today, strong, resilient, independent and able to look after myself wherever I go. Let it go and don’t be THAT mum..

At what age do you plan to release your children into the wild?