To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

[Shardlake63]

My PILs have just celebrated a significant wedding anniversary.
As part of that celebration, they hosted dinner in a private room at a local (to them) restaurant for their extended family - about 20 of us in total.
I am definitely not a picky eater. I eat pretty much everything, except salmon (which I am allergic to - it brings me out in a very itchy rash) and lamb (which I have always hated, and even the smell makes me want to throw up). My PILs are fully aware of this.
We travelled the best part of 200 miles to attend this dinner, not to mention the cost of an overnight stay in a local hotel as relatives with spare rooms were already full with their own sons/daughters and families staying overnight.
The meal was a set dinner - no choice or alternative was offered.
First course was smoked salmon, which I could not eat due to my allergy. Fair enough, I thought I would just fill up on the main course. However, the main course turned out to be a roast lamb dinner.
Apart from the smell of it knocking me sick, I couldn't even just eat the veg as it came to the table already smothered in a lamb based gravy.😥
I ended up just eating the dessert - a slice of lemon cheesecake - which was lovely, but hardly a satisfying substitution for what should have been a 3 course dinner.
AIBU to be upset at the lack of thought and consideration here? I was quite happy to forego the starter, but most restaurants do at least offer a vegetarian alternative for the main, which I would have been more than happy with. I also eat beef, chicken, pork, turkey, duck etc. and other fish (including shellfish) - I am not a fussy eater by any stretch of the imagination, so it would not have been difficult for my in-laws to ask the restaurant to provide me with an alternative to the lamb.
As it was, I had barely any dinner and by the time the meal was finished it was too late for me to eat anywhere else.
Am I being unreasonable to think they could at least have ordered me a vegetarian alternative in the full knowledge that I wouldn't be able to eat/didn't like their choice of set meal?

Really rude and while I love smoked salmon and adore lamb, would never choose them as a set meal like that.

I wouldn't bother my arse travelling any distance again for something like this.

It seems odd as surely the restaurant would have had other options for allergies/vegetarian/vegan your ILs could have requested. Most hosts would definitely check re allergies at least!

She is allergic to salmon. The op said so in her title. That’s is NOT fussy.
Having one other dislike is NOT fussy. Come on!!!!!
You call Op fussy for disliking just one thing (lamb) then come on here saying “your poor man” about my family member who will only eat cucumber and baguette who is damn fussy! He just won’t try new things. He is fussy.
Your comments just don’t make sense.

Unless you are harping on about being allergic to salmon and not liking lamb all the time, is it possible they forgot? They probably had a lot of things on their mind. It seems very strange that there wasn't alternative choices, but you could have simply said "I'm sorry, I'm allergic to the salmon, can I have something else please". Not a lot you could have done about the lamb, but hopefully you didn't sit there retching.

YANBU
They should’ve requested dietary requirements, submitted these to the venue & the venue can produce a (likely vegan) option which captures all the necessary adjustments. It’s very common in hospitality to do this.

YANBU that they were inconsiderate but it was ridiculous to martyr yourself. If you had spoken to a member of staff you would have been able to order from the main restaurant menu and have it brought up to you.

They were thoughtless. Even 34 years ago we let guests know that the first course at our wedding was a venison pate thing followed by fresh salmon and asked if veggie options/alternatives were required.

Usually set menus have a few options, like a Christmas work party, and everyone chooses beforehand. I have never been to a meal where one or two members of the party choose and book for everyone else without so much as asking.

I'm with you op, hate Salmon and even the smell of lamb or lamb gravy makes me feel ill - although I would have excused myself and gone downstairs for a lovely dinner on my own and left them to it 😂

It is very odd!

I've experienced it, in a private dining room, and the birthday-haver had chosen a meal that he saw as a huge treat (as I suspect has probably happened here). I don't think it's that uncommon as a concept but the pre-meal communication seems to have been lacking on this occasion.

Sorry, but why would you have had to go to a different dining room?

What sort of restaurant has such crap service that they could not bring food from the other kitchen to you? Why would you have to go to the food?

I married a really, really picky eater (ASD). He can only bear lamb in kebab meat (yes, I married a bloody Viking) and he once rejected an entire plate of food because I had the temerity to put some cauliflower on there - he couldn't eat anything because of the "smell". Then, I was an "anything goes" type of person and just suffer - I only drew the line at oysters and abalone! However, I found I'm very intolerant of dairy, so much so, that for many years - years! - I took those IBS pills daily, on prescription, when really dairy was the main problem. As a result, I have gone from totally unfussy eater to a right nightmare. We are both a right nightmare for different reasons.

Here is the thing, though. We go to dinners out and we check the menu before we go. I particularly do not trust anyone to be a good host, because I particularly know how much goes into being a good host. It is quite the thing to cater for a large group and involves going into a lot of thought and detail. So, your PILS put in zero thought, but honestly they could have put in "some" thought and still have got it wrong.

So it really is on you. You know you're picky, so why on earth didn't you check? We don't go anywhere without checking the menu. We're going to a catered event next weekend and have paid full price, and I'm actually cooking and taking our main course with us because neither of us can eat what's on offer. I don't like being a fussy arsehole, but that is far better than just passing up two plates at the table. You must have looked absolutely dreadful to wave away two courses. It will have made some others feel very uncomfortable and that's not on. It's impolite.

You're the picky one, so you need to be picky. At your dinner, my DH wouldn't have touched the main (and disliking lamb isn't that uncommon, so granted it was an odd choice), and I wouldn't have touched the pudding, or perhaps some of the vegetables, so we would have ensured that we were catered for ahead of time. It would have made everyone more comfortable in the end.

I'm sure that had you asked, the staff would have brought you a plate with the sides without gravy. It's annoying, but it doesn't sound as though you were proactive in trying to have something that you could eat.

Yes, this is what I found a little startling as well. Best not upset the man of the house, rather OP goes to bed without any supper. 😳

OP, I don’t think you’re a fussy eater at all. Ignore the posters who are saying that you are. They must be human dustbins, to eat anything shoved in front of them. No-one should feel they have to eat things they don’t like!

No wedding invitation I’ve ever received has offered any option other than vegetarian/vegan. We didn’t offer options for a milestone birthday meal other than veggie.

Your husband is a real piece of work isn't he?Sounds like you put up with a lot of bullshit from him.

No man would ever come between me and being fed, thats for sure.

I think a lot of people have lost the art of asking nicely. They either never had it, or their skills became rusty during the pandemic. I'm afraid I find it unbelievable that you couldn't have quietly toddled off, had a nice, subtle word with whoever looked in charge, and got them to divert something more suitable to you. I think it would be a very rare restaurant indeed where no one could have been charmed into helping out. You could have got straight on your hind legs as soon as you saw it was a set menu, explaining that your in laws forgot to check with you all.

I absolutely don't think the OP is a fussy eater either. I live with some. 🙄Having said that there is absolutely nothing on earth I couldn't force down me out of politeness - no allergies - so in that sense not being able to even touch lamb presumably counts as picky to some. I'm not a human dustbin by any means but I'd get something down me off pretty much any plate.

I used to be tremendously fussy but decided years ago I had to give stuff a go, so I have been that person, but I've been lucky that I've just ended up finding out I actually like 90% of things, with texture not really being an issue for me. I realise others have real sensory issues.

Every wedding invitation I’ve received has asked about allergies. The OP is allergic to salmon so at least she would have been able to have a starter she can safely eat if nothing else. I would never just present my guests with a set menu at a restaurant.

Yes, I could have ordered a separate meal from the restaurant downstairs, but I would have had to eat it down there and leave the party

This is utter bullshit. A quiet word with the staff and they’d have sorted you out an alternative meal to eat in the same place.

The PIL picked that menu because they like that. It’s not like it was the only choice.
It’s very rude to serve up something that your guests aren’t even going to like, even if they are able to force it down.
Clearly it’s a lesson to ring ahead and double check whenever they are involved. I have a coeliac child and a number of times I’ve been told there’s ’loads of choice’ by someone and when I’ve rang there isn’t.

I can't speak for anyone else but personally I physically cannot put food I don't like the taste of in my mouth.
I have preferences - I prefer mash potatoes to roast so in that case I could grin and bare it and eat roasties.
But a food I don't like the taste of...
No. Just No. Can't do it.

It's in the OP that the vegetables were smothered in lamb gravy so OP couldn't eat any of her main course.