Unpleasant altercation - who was the most unreasonable?

[zerofeeling]

Took my dogs out today and was trying to park in a small space between two cars on a country lane. As I was inching back to fit into the space I heard a loud crunch 😖

The two men from the car behind had just set off on their walk, as I got out of my car one of them was heading back towards me shouting why did I try to park in such a small space. I said sorry and inspected the front of his car - couldn't see any damage at all, and apart from a tiny paint scuff nothing on my car. I said to him 'i can't see any damage, it doesn't look like I hit you'
Man just glanced over at his car then asked me for my details, I asked is that necessary and said again there's no damage. He said that's not the point you have to give your details if you've been in a collision. He was much taller than me and sort of fronting up to me repeating that he wanted my details and me refusing, saying I don't think it was a collision, I think I might have hit something underneath my car. (For info my Mum and a friend have both been scammed on their insurance by people who claimed all kinds of things after very minor prangs)

Then he took an ID wallet out of his pocket and flipped it open to show a photo and badge and said he's Police. I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. He held his phone up and said he's filming me refusing to comply with the law.
By this time the other man had come back and also filming me and I started to worry - I'm in a secluded area, with two men who are much bigger than me. I told them I felt intimidated and are they trying to scam me?

I got in my car and tried to shut the door but 1st man held onto it to prevent me. I asked if he's trying to detain me and he said no but I will if you don't give me your details, I've identified myself to you as a police officer. I said you've got no right to detain me. Eventually he let go of the door and I had to turn the car round as the lane is a dead end. Once I turned round he said again that I'm breaking the law by refusing to give my details after a collision and he started to recite the Caution they give when you're arrested! I drove away very shaken up, no idea what consequences to expect.

Or drove over a plastic bottle. At low speed reversing into a parking space I wouldn't expect to hear much at all even if another car was bumped and especially not bumper to bumper. In fact tyres can make a noise when turning the wheel parking depending on the road surface. He got arsey about his precious car and proceeded to behave like a knob head contrary to his employer's policy.

And that would be something surely anyone would check for and I’d assume mention it if such an item had been there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Op wasn't able to because two dickhead men were intimidating her

edited typo

Must have missed her saying that. She was able to check for damage ok. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What are the chances of there being a full can of coke right in the perfect position rather than it just being the most logical outcome that she hit the bumper while reversing into a tight spot?

I mean, if we're going to be silly about it maybe the man had tourettes or an anxiety disorder and couldn't help shouting at OP.

She doesn't say it. But she does give a running description of what happened. The logical point to look under the car is after she's checked for damage between the cars. Realised there isn't any and taken a moment to think about what else could have caused the noise they all heard. But by this point there is an angry man shouting at and squaring up to her- would you really, at that point have the presence of mind to still be thinking properly and then drop down to your hands and knees to look under your car? No, of course you wouldn't. No one in their right mind would

And if someone who heard the can of Coke had asked for your name and address, and you had refused to provide it, you would have committed a criminal offence.

There is no evidence that he acted like a knob head, in fact he videod the arrest attempt in order to protect himself against what is transpiring.

If you think there's no evidence he acted like a knob head I think you've had an empathy bypass.

OP, fwiw, I think you did the right thing and I would have done the same thing and faced any consequences. Your safely comes way above handing over your name and address to a man who is intimidating you, never mind two of them,

This thread is so depressing. OP, I hope you are okay. Regardless of whether you did bump his car or not (as someone else said there are other explanations as to the noise) his behaviour was way out of line. As you’ve had that validated by others in the police force (and I assume from your comments there is more to his behaviour than you have said here), if we are weighing up the ‘crime’ of a leaving the scene of a non-damaging, possibly didn’t happen crash versus police intimidation and abuse of power, it’s surely clear which is worse!

i appreciate you may not want to carry on given the grief you’re getting from some on here but I for one would really like to know how this pans out, if you have the capacity to start a follow-on thread?

At least he was sensible enough to film OP

I’d assume his concern is if he goes through his insurance he’ll have to pay his excess and may struggle to get it back. So he’d rather go through OPs insurance but guess he needs her insurance details for this.

In fairness it’s a piece of cake to get insurance details in those circumstances, 2 mins and £10 will get you their insurer and policy number.

What evidence have you provided? Anecdotes aren't evidence.

I’ve just gone back to reread your opening post, because honestly I think you’re gaslighting us a bit now.

Neither of the men in this post did anything wrong. Like literally nothing. You felt scared because you had been filmed by a police officer breaking law.

Empathy isn't evidence.

Yes in the early days, I was convinced that the police were wrong. I advised you that you should have locked yourself in the car and dialled 999. However, your aggressive behaviour in here with anyone who disagrees with you about anything has taken me aback, you are someone who intimidates, not one who is scared.

Once I lost that concern for you, I began to see the inconsistencies and the story being changed. There are too many things that don't make sense (e.g. a car park so packed with cars that there isn't a car sized space left, yet the place is deserted with no witnesses).

There are people who love a bit of conflict, and their hobby is to come online and win a debate. Others, like myself, get upset by an argument and prefer to move on. In your shoes, I would have given up on page 5; you'd made your point, but here you are on page 40, taking on anybody who won't agree with you, making personal aspersions about their intelligence or empathy. If it's making you happy then good, no harm done. If it's upsetting you then do what I'm going to do - move on to something that does make you happy.

Yep. Man shouted 'why did you try to park in such a small space' and asked her for insurance details. She said she didn't think she hit something. Man asked for details again. She refused. Man got increasingly more irritated (who wouldn't be) and kept on asking for details repeatedly.

Just give him the fucking insurance deets, jeez. Literally all that crap would have been avoided if you gave him your insurance details, which is an absolutely normal and right thing to do AFTER YOU HIT HIS CAR. He didn't ask you to strip for him, stand on your head or perform sexual acts, just the insurance details.

Intimidating would be if those two men surrounded you, grabbed you so you couldn't move and said 'look, lady, you clearly smashed my car, pay up now, 2000 quid to fix it, or else' (happened to my mother). That would be extortion and intimidation. OP's dude didn't ask for money, just insurance info.

But no 'I'm a poor tiny ickle woman, I was scarrrrred, shaking and crying, big bad wolf intimidated me' (with his completely normal and reasonable request).

Jeez OP what a study in misogyny this thread is. Of course the policeman put himself in the wrong the moment he started waving his badge over a personal grievance. At the latest.

Maybe this thread is so weird because ppl are protective of their cars? Really, I'm baffled.

Have I missed the update on how you knew they were police? Just curious. Hope you're OK OP, that you can move on and that the bullies face some consequences.

I mean, you’ve clearly missed the fact that he was a police officer and she was committing a crime, not a ‘personal grievance’.

So you don't understand what empathy is - yes, that's what I said.

And here you are on page 40 still trying to force your deeply flawed world view on me. So you're a hypocrite too.

Unfortunately I can't say at the moment how I found out but rest assured he will face consequences of his actions.

"So you don't understand what empathy is"

There's a certain irony in your lecturing others about their lack of empathy and saying how shitty it is for people to damage property then driving off, and you doing the same. Then not understanding why the off duty police officer was upset with you, and instead your attributing his behaviour to a power trip.

LE wife here. They will tell you he faced consequences. That is never going to happen. Everyday law enforcement gets away with way worse than a dustup with a woman over a bump of a car.

Imagine if she’d just stuck around to find out, exchanged insurers and let them sort it. Yet here we are.

Imagine if the police officer hadn't stuck a phone in her face , hadn't shouted, hadn't held on to the door to stop her closing it .
Hadn't given the impression of arresting her,, hadn't " read her her rights".
Imagine if they'd followed their force's, protocol.
Imagine if ,as trained professionals, they had used that training to de escalate the situation.