Unpleasant altercation - who was the most unreasonable?

[zerofeeling]

Took my dogs out today and was trying to park in a small space between two cars on a country lane. As I was inching back to fit into the space I heard a loud crunch 😖

The two men from the car behind had just set off on their walk, as I got out of my car one of them was heading back towards me shouting why did I try to park in such a small space. I said sorry and inspected the front of his car - couldn't see any damage at all, and apart from a tiny paint scuff nothing on my car. I said to him 'i can't see any damage, it doesn't look like I hit you'
Man just glanced over at his car then asked me for my details, I asked is that necessary and said again there's no damage. He said that's not the point you have to give your details if you've been in a collision. He was much taller than me and sort of fronting up to me repeating that he wanted my details and me refusing, saying I don't think it was a collision, I think I might have hit something underneath my car. (For info my Mum and a friend have both been scammed on their insurance by people who claimed all kinds of things after very minor prangs)

Then he took an ID wallet out of his pocket and flipped it open to show a photo and badge and said he's Police. I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. He held his phone up and said he's filming me refusing to comply with the law.
By this time the other man had come back and also filming me and I started to worry - I'm in a secluded area, with two men who are much bigger than me. I told them I felt intimidated and are they trying to scam me?

I got in my car and tried to shut the door but 1st man held onto it to prevent me. I asked if he's trying to detain me and he said no but I will if you don't give me your details, I've identified myself to you as a police officer. I said you've got no right to detain me. Eventually he let go of the door and I had to turn the car round as the lane is a dead end. Once I turned round he said again that I'm breaking the law by refusing to give my details after a collision and he started to recite the Caution they give when you're arrested! I drove away very shaken up, no idea what consequences to expect.

OP I cannot believe how utterly mad people are. You have reported it. An off duty police officer has no more rights than any other citizen to shout, abuse and intimidate by filming you. There were 2 of them as well. I would have been frightened and would have left for a place of safety. And, as both cars were undamaged, there is no crime, nothing for you to worry about. And his subsequent actions do not suggest a competent, decent human being, never mind a police officer.

I really do hate smart phones and people filming others. It's done to intimidate and only ever shows one side of the story. Both sides sound like they are in the wrong. I would have been scared and handed out my details, but I think you are right, if there is not damage then what do they actually need them for. Reversing into a car slowly isn't going to cause any internal damage that the naked eye can't see.

You can disagree all you like but you broke the law and he did not. He might have been unpleasant but that is not an offence. The evidence of a collision was the crunch. It is irrelevant if there was no marks on the vehicles. This might not go the way you want OP. Next time, just give your details as required.

Wow OP, you’ve been given a VERY hard time on this thread, unnecessarily so imo. I hope the Officers are dealt with appropriately, but I doubt it. Ime they all stick together and look after each other. They deny that of course, but I’ve had first hand experience of it. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

People have clearly missed the post where OP says the guy has now HAND DELIVERED an official form to her address. He’s intent on bullying her. Something very wrong with his approach.

He breached protocol, stuck a camera in your face, shouted, squared up to you and physically tried to stop you shutting your car door.
A police call handler advised that his behaviour might constitute a public order offence.
I don't know what more people here need to hear before they'll stop defending him and slating you I'm also shocked by the female police officer saying she'd have done the same thing.

Also, he delivered a form by hand to your address?!? I can't see any further info here on that – sorry if I'm missing it – but that's appalling and quite frightening.

Good luck with your complaint.

I've had an accident where the damage appeared to be minor but ended up costing hundreds - so I would be really unhappy about someone driving off after a loud crunch and not leaving details. You only have to give your car reg and your insurer if you were scared so he could contact your insurance company if he subsequently found there was damage.

There was evidence to suggest a collision and you were driving off without leaving details - that is an offence. From your attitude on here it's pretty clear you were likely to be belligerent when challenged.

His behaviour then was poor, if he was as aggressive as you claim and as he started filming there should be proof of that. Unless the form put through your door was for the offence of leaving the scene of an accident then that is further poor behaviour. If you had ever had someone give false details after an accident filming would not seem unreasonable.

You are completely unwilling to admit you did anything wrong - you did. That is not excusing the behaviour of the policeman who should have simply let you leave, got a garage to check for damage and let their insurers deal with it if necessary. Then if damage was found prosecute you for leaving.

This is the OP’s post about him coming to her home address. Surely this is not protocol? Any of the police officers who have been commenting care to give a view on this?

The head of police is typing the fine up as we speak. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Please stop being stupid!

Are you able to read???

She's explained numerous times.

God, OP, you sound insufferable.

Also, you do realise you posted in AIBU? If you can't accept people disagreeing with you, maybe don't post in AIBU... literally asking people if you are being unreasonable (yes!).

exactly this!

This!

@zerofeeling
I hope u are ok ?
I don’t think the posters that are defending the officers really understand the fear you must have been feeling !
Lone female isolated 2 males one shouting and trying to stop you getting to safety is absolutely terrifying! If he was a good police officer he would have been calm and would have inspected his car and definitely wouldn’t have been shouting or threatening.
Goodluck I hope he get get reprimanded for the disgusting behaviour it’s happening all the time that’s why the public have no trust in the force ! And this is more than likely the behaviour that Wayne cousins displayed before he turned to murder ! Op u did indeed did the right thing and kept yourself safe and to then harass u afterwards just confirms your judgement was indeed correct x Always trust your gut !!! X x x x x

Oh for goodness sake. This is ridiculous.
Take some responsibility for YOUR actions woman!!

Well said.

And this is more than likely the behaviour that Wayne cousins displayed before he turned to murder

Oh god. I despair. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Bloody hell @zerofeeling what a terrible experience and what relentless bullying by some people on this thread. I hope you're feeling ok.

Thanks for your kind words @Londontown12 and @ShoeeMcfee ♥️ it's good to remember that there's many decent people on here that outweigh those who just get off on being online bullies. It does worry me that this man knows where I live and could try to take revenge for whatever sanctions he gets at work.

It was revealed at trial that WC showed an escalating pattern of misogynist behaviour over time, it didn't just happen out of nowhere.

I'm concerned that your car might not be safe to drive. There could be damage either underneath, or behind the bumper. Please get it checked at a garage. Just because there's no visible damage doesn't mean there's no damage. Please get it checked

@zerofeeling you did well to trust your instincts. It’s been very strange to read this thread.

To be honest I think the Act does apply here. You heard a loud crunch and couldn’t be sure that the mark on your bumper wasn’t there before the incident. There may have been no damage that you could see, but that noise suggests a collision, however minor, with something. It was enough to make you stop and get out of the car to check. So you had reason to think that a collision had occurred and so did the police officer - that’s enough legally to compel you to provide your details if asked to do so.

And the call handlers’ response would have been specific to what you told them. I don’t understand how a call handler would have been able to verify that you didn’t need to report an incident in which there was a possible collision, when that’s the law, and you failed to give your details in response to being asked for them at the scene. The fact that they concentrated on the actions of a person who at the time you had not verified to be a police officer, suggests that that was what you reported and not the collision.

Same for your insurance company. You are obliged to report any incident to them regardless of whether or not you are making a claim. At renewal insurance companies search databases routinely and if they find details of an incident that you have not reported to them they can potentially invalidate or cancel your insurance. I think it’s you who’s stretching to absolve yourself of responsibility to report because on reflection you know you were wrong and there’s an expectation of consequences.

This! It sounds really intimidating and I wouldn't have given my details and would have just wanted to get out of there, too. As a single woman being harrassed by two men in an isolated spot, I'd rather deal with minor trouble with the police later on than end up dead in a ditch.

MN really is savage at the moment. It's shocking how the OP has been ripped to shreds for this.

Hard agree. MN has been a very weird place recently. We must all respect authority and our elders and betters at all times! No working from home, walking away from situations we don't feel safe in, taking days off, having too many kids, having kids too young, claiming any kind of benefit etc etc.