Unpleasant altercation - who was the most unreasonable?

[zerofeeling]

Took my dogs out today and was trying to park in a small space between two cars on a country lane. As I was inching back to fit into the space I heard a loud crunch 😖

The two men from the car behind had just set off on their walk, as I got out of my car one of them was heading back towards me shouting why did I try to park in such a small space. I said sorry and inspected the front of his car - couldn't see any damage at all, and apart from a tiny paint scuff nothing on my car. I said to him 'i can't see any damage, it doesn't look like I hit you'
Man just glanced over at his car then asked me for my details, I asked is that necessary and said again there's no damage. He said that's not the point you have to give your details if you've been in a collision. He was much taller than me and sort of fronting up to me repeating that he wanted my details and me refusing, saying I don't think it was a collision, I think I might have hit something underneath my car. (For info my Mum and a friend have both been scammed on their insurance by people who claimed all kinds of things after very minor prangs)

Then he took an ID wallet out of his pocket and flipped it open to show a photo and badge and said he's Police. I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. He held his phone up and said he's filming me refusing to comply with the law.
By this time the other man had come back and also filming me and I started to worry - I'm in a secluded area, with two men who are much bigger than me. I told them I felt intimidated and are they trying to scam me?

I got in my car and tried to shut the door but 1st man held onto it to prevent me. I asked if he's trying to detain me and he said no but I will if you don't give me your details, I've identified myself to you as a police officer. I said you've got no right to detain me. Eventually he let go of the door and I had to turn the car round as the lane is a dead end. Once I turned round he said again that I'm breaking the law by refusing to give my details after a collision and he started to recite the Caution they give when you're arrested! I drove away very shaken up, no idea what consequences to expect.

There was a crunch, apologies if I've missed the update, but have you had your car checked by a garage?

There could be damage behind the bumper, or underneath the car if that's where the noise came from. It may not be safe to drive

Genuine question - what's wrong with you?

The 101 call handler is responding to whatever the OP told them. Which only the OP and the Call Handler know. The OP has been inconsistent here so who’s to say what version the Call Handler got?

Kind of weird you spent so long on a thread and still didn't acknowledge that she did give her details within the required time frame to the police call handler who then give her advice which she followed.

She did no such thing though, the law required her to report it as soon as possible.

Ha! Total bullshit, why would taking photos of anything make him more angry? Taking responsibility and following the law is what he WANTED you to do.

He was angry because you hit his car, then once checking you couldn't SEE any visible damage, and realising he couldn't PROVE what you'd done, you completely denied doing it. You denied responsibility for the (obvious) collision, you refused to comply with the law and give you details and you decided to flee the scene to avoid responsibility.. I think most people would be angry with you too.

The real reason you didn't want to take photo's is because that wouldn't have fit in to your "I didn't even hit you" lies that you were spinning, to get yourself out of a situation entirely of your own making.

And what's your excuse for his breaches of Police conduct code or is that going to be all my fault as well?

What are his breaches? I'd be interested to know

By denying wrongdoing and refusing to hand over your details, even though there WAS visible damage on your car AND they heard the impact of the collision, plus you got out to inspect the collision point (duh!), you were in the process of doing a hit and run. You could have told them you felt unsafe and you wanted to check their details, you could have locked yourself in your car, and rang the police if you though they were misrepresenting who they were.. you weren't interested in any of that because you just want to get away with not doing what you are legally and morally obliged to do, and now you think if you pretend to be a victim, and accuse them of intimidation, it will all go away.

I'd be interested if them identifying themselves as policemen and attempting to stop you from committing a crime (hit and run) was a breach of conduct, the following about off duty policemen is quite interesting.

A police officer can exercise most of their powers all the time (those times where an officer is required to be in uniform are limited).

As soon as a police officer exercises any of their powers then they are classed as being on duty.

The whole incident IS your fault, you hit their car, you denied it, you refused to hand over your details, you escalated the confrontation because your mum got scammed one time, and you thought you could get away with it.

You didn't bother calling the police until people on here told you too!! If you really felt scared and intimidated and you thought they weren't real policemen, or were posing as policemen to intimidate lone women why would you not call the police immediately after the confrontation?

If you were really 'interested to know' you'd read the thread instead of trying pathetically to throw your weight around and shame me for this man's unacceptable behaviour. Like him you're just another pathetic bully, blustering and blaming and talking a load of ignorant shit.

I wasn't talking about the legalities of leaving the scene, but of making a claim on the other driver's insurance. I don't disagree with most of what you said.

Sounds like I touched a nerve there. Probably the part about how if you were so scared and intimidated and thought they weren't real police up to no good you would have left for your own safety and immediately reported them.. you have no justification for not doing that so you accuse me of 'bullying' you.. exactly like what has happened in the incident when you think about it.

None of this would have happened if you had just followed basic legal procedure, I could actually understand you (unreasonably) panicking, locking yourself in the car or leaving the scene then calling the police to report the incident and to report them, but you didn't...

The fact that you said on this thread that you 'thought I hit his car' and you saw 'damage' on your car after the loud crunch noise, yet you also go on to say that 'they can't prove I did it' so you are not going to follow the law, says everything about the situation and your entitlement tbh.

She did leave, she did call and she did report it, can you not read or did you not bother? Because here you are on someone’s thread ranting at them that you don’t believe them because they didn’t do x, when they did do x. Are you also a man who likes to get aggressive with strange women in remote places?

You couldn't be further from the truth I'm afraid.

OP didn't call the police until people on here told her she needed to, not exactly the actions of a frightened lone woman worrying about her safety.

"She did leave, she did call and she did report it, can you not read or did you not bother?"

Of course she left; she didn't want to share insurance details. She only reported it 3 hours after posting on Mumsnet because people on this thread told her she was legally obliged to do so and she started worrying about what trouble she could be in...

Says it all really.

So entitled. Defo genuine coppers. Scammers would be nicer 😂

I don't think it's necessarily about internalized misogyny. It's more like they are strict "law and order" types who see absolutely no shades of gray in these kind of situations. The police are always in the right to them. They likely haven't experienced intimidating police behaviour or been treated unfairly by the justice system so they really have no idea how scary it can be and how prevalent it is. Therefore they can't empathize with the OP. It's a variation of the classic just world fallacy. If they can put it all on her and none of it on those policemen, that helps maintain the fantasy that no harm can possibly come to them at the hands of the justice system. It's also why some women blame rape victims. They need to believe the woman did something to cause it, because if she didn't do anything to cause it then it can happen to them as well. It's the preservation of an illusion that they have control over their fate.

But yes, internalized misogyny is alive and well on MN in general.

Agree with all that but also you can't rule out the dopamine hit people get from being really obnoxious online - it must be a fascinating area of study.

At this point I don't care.... the OP said she checked.

OP you posed a question: who was the most unreasonable. You were. HTH

I posed the question a week ago, subsequent events have shown I was completely correct about the man. Keep up.

Well, I'm sure the copper can look your details up anyway.

"the OP said she checked."

Only a cursory glance at the bumper not underneath the car. As many posters have pointed out subframe, engine covers clips etc can all be damaged and as PP have experienced the flexibility of plastic bumpers can hide/ mask expensive repairs.....

As a woman I find women who weaponise manufactured victimhood to avoid accountability for their own actions sickening tbh, and also profoundly disrespectful to women who have actually experienced violence and abuse, it’s the antithesis of feminism. Gives off strong Amber Heard vibes to me - her lies made it harder for every female victim of domestic violence who came after her. And that is true misogyny which will persist for years.

You're accusing women of 'weaponising' their womanhood while starting off your attack with 'as a woman' in an attempt to use that to shield yourself from accusations of misogyny. 🤦 Lots of women don't like other women unfortunately and will find any excuse to put them down. You're nothing special.

@zerofeeling ah man. If only you’d done what a sensible person would have done…heard a crunch while reversing your car clearly hitting another car. Got out. Checked both vehicles. Instead, this drama. Live and learn. I have commented earlier about this. And what has happened since re him checking you out on a police computer while off duty. But at the end of the sodding day. You reversed into him and you heard a crunch. So did he. Are you that in denial of reality or responsibility that you don’t realise you caused an issue you couldn’t drive away from?

Weaponising victimhood, not womanhood.

They are not wrong, at no point have you took responsibility for your part in all this, not once have you taken responsibility for driving into their car, or escalating a situation instead of fulfilling your legal obligation. Not once have you taken responsibility for doing a hit and run, and not bothering to contacting the police to report these men posing as policeman and intimidating a lone woman which made you so frightened you had to flee, you only contacted the police after being shamed on here for not following through with your legal responsibility.

easier to blame someone else all the time though isn’t it, without taking one shred of responsibility for your own poor choices.