Unpleasant altercation - who was the most unreasonable?

[zerofeeling]

Took my dogs out today and was trying to park in a small space between two cars on a country lane. As I was inching back to fit into the space I heard a loud crunch 😖

The two men from the car behind had just set off on their walk, as I got out of my car one of them was heading back towards me shouting why did I try to park in such a small space. I said sorry and inspected the front of his car - couldn't see any damage at all, and apart from a tiny paint scuff nothing on my car. I said to him 'i can't see any damage, it doesn't look like I hit you'
Man just glanced over at his car then asked me for my details, I asked is that necessary and said again there's no damage. He said that's not the point you have to give your details if you've been in a collision. He was much taller than me and sort of fronting up to me repeating that he wanted my details and me refusing, saying I don't think it was a collision, I think I might have hit something underneath my car. (For info my Mum and a friend have both been scammed on their insurance by people who claimed all kinds of things after very minor prangs)

Then he took an ID wallet out of his pocket and flipped it open to show a photo and badge and said he's Police. I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. He held his phone up and said he's filming me refusing to comply with the law.
By this time the other man had come back and also filming me and I started to worry - I'm in a secluded area, with two men who are much bigger than me. I told them I felt intimidated and are they trying to scam me?

I got in my car and tried to shut the door but 1st man held onto it to prevent me. I asked if he's trying to detain me and he said no but I will if you don't give me your details, I've identified myself to you as a police officer. I said you've got no right to detain me. Eventually he let go of the door and I had to turn the car round as the lane is a dead end. Once I turned round he said again that I'm breaking the law by refusing to give my details after a collision and he started to recite the Caution they give when you're arrested! I drove away very shaken up, no idea what consequences to expect.

What a despicable post. Shame on you.

So you failed to see a car behind you and reversed into him and then argued with him and to you this is his fault. Jesus. Some people shouldn’t be driving.

why wouldn’t he be upset. You drove into his car. Why is the perpetrator (you) the only one allowed to be upset and nit the victim (him)

I hate when women pull the poor wickle female all alone, so I don't have to obey any laws and can do anything I want, just because I can. And if anybody has a problem with that I'm going say I was scared so that I can get away with it.

🙄

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Im saying you are in the wrong NOT because you are a female but because you are in the wrong. Surely you are not wanting a bunch of women to say ‘oh you poor feeble girl. Those mean menz should have left you alone’?

woman up ffs and the responsibility. Some of us women struggle with other women wanting nothing but validation that the menz are bad and poor widdle you is the victim. YOU HIT HIS CAR TYEN DETERMINED YOU CAUSED NO DAMAGE THEN LEFT THE SCENE.

You are not the person to determine whether there was damage

Well said !!!

Why is it despicable? I agree police officers have a job to do

It’s really sad to hear how do many posters are making light of women feeling nervous when in an isolated area with 2 men.
That somehow feeling scared and overwhelmed is trying to pull a “poor wickle female”.
Its posts like this that will make women stay put in dangerous situations due to questioning their own sense of fear, even more so than we are already conditioned to do.
If you are feeling nervous it is very much the right thing to do to get out of the situation and report later. That should never be questioned or mocked or undermined.
Shame on those pushing the idea that women should feel even more embarrassed and stupid than we usually already do for making split second decisions on safety.

OP the problem is your account of the proceedings is not necessarily objective.

you said you heard a loud impact.

you got out and even though it is not in your power to do so, you decided there was no damage so wanted to leave the scene.

the police officers requested your details and knew that you were supposed to swap them. YOU thought it might be a scam so everything from this point was coloured by your assumption that these were bad men. They quite possibly were just off duty officers seeing a person trying to weasel out of following procedure and repeatedly asking to get your details. You read it as hostile. But you have already admitted you were looking through a lens of thinking they were scammers and deciding you hadn’t hit them even though you definitely hit something. Witness studied prove self reporting is very very inaccurate. I suspect they were a bit annoyed you hit their car then tried to leave the scene. Through your lens they were bad and therefore you felt intimidated. This does not mean they were being intimidating

He didn’t abuse his authority though - he witnessed careless driving.

He absolutely did abuse his authority. He didn't see what happened, didn't even seem to be interested in checking his car he just launched straight into his power trip.

if the OP had not tried to get into a small gap and reverse into the man’s car none of this would have happened. Now putting in a complaint about the copper for doing the right thing 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

My ex (now an ex copper) would have been like this. Very intimidating! When you are in the police force you are still a copper even off duty. A bit like nurses even when off duty you are expected to help when you see someone needing it, even if you are dressed up to the nines in high heels.

@Nearlyspring23 I think it has more to do with how many holes are in OPs story. Personally I don't buy it and think she tried to backtrack and cover up her actions with the whole "lone female retreating to her car for safety" narrative once she got home and had chance to reflect on what had happened and her actions. She only reported it after she had been on mumsnet and other posters told her she was obligated to do so. To try to avoid getting into trouble she has gone down the "there was no collision, I was intimidated" route. She still hasn't disclosed what she said to them, or her tone or how she behaved. I imagine there's a lot more to this.

By all means if you're feeling nervous tell them you feel nervous and want to verify that they are really police officers. Get in your car and phone or drive to a police station or somewhere you feel safe. But she didn't do that.

Except that they were being intimidating by shouting, putting a phone camera in my face instead of taking like a normal person, trying to prevent me from shutting my car door and then reading me my rights as if he was arresting me.

Of course my account isn't going to be completely objective but I've given an honest account of his/their behaviour and four days later I still think it's totally unacceptable.

Do you not think it was a scam now then?

So a female pickpocket should just be excused for grabbing my phone and running away, just because she felt scared that she might be arrested ?

Should a male police officer, who stops a drunk female driver, just allow her to carry on driving because she said she was scared?

If your child was hit and killed by said drunk female, because the Police allowed her to drive away (because she felt scared) would you support the officers actions, because feeling scared absolves women of all responsibility?

"You clearly have no clue about the Police Service in the UK, or the Powers and responsibilities of Police Officers."

I have enough of a clue to know it was not a good idea for them to arrest someone who hit their own personal vehicle when off duty let alone state it was their "literally their job" to do so 😂

One of us is certainly clueless!

Should a male police officer, who stops a drunk female driver, just allow her to carry on driving because she said she was scared?

No, and no one is saying they should. There are protocols they are supposed to follow to reassure lone females, especially if they are plain clothes or off duty.

Jesus!

Police Officers work on SUSPICION!

He didn't have to check his car, he had reasonable grounds to suspect you committed the offence!

I get that you were caught, you felt embarrassed and maybe even had something to hide that day, so you refused to comply, refused to swap details, and drove off.

Now you are trying anything you can think of to get away with it.

It's your poor wickle woman stance, that I and many other posters have an issue with.

But you carry on believing that it's OK to abuse the memory of women like Sarah to justify your actions.

I think it's disgusting to pull that card over a collision that YOU caused.

If those officers had approached you without reason and attempted to get your details or detain you, fair enough, but they didn't.

YOU committed an offence, and then drove off from them.

Yeah, photocells which the OP didn't give them a chance to put in place because she drove off

Do you know what those protocols are?

I do, and they involved the OP remaining at the scene, and not driving off.

@zerofeeling youre a total nightmare. This is one of the most entitled posts I’ve ever read on this site, and there are loads. You backed into this man’s car, refused to do the right thing in exchanging details, ran away . Now you are trying to get him in trouble with his job. Well done you you awesome person

Except @zerofeeling you say in your first post you got out of the car and immediately apologised as the men started walking over. And that they asked you for your details and you refused to give them and after them repeatedly asking for your details and you repeatedly refusing they then got out of their phones to film you "not complying". Had you just given them your details like you are obligated to do so then they would not have filmed you. But now in your last post you've leapt to "putting a phone camera in your face instead of talking like a normal person". Sounds like they tried talking to you like a normal person but you were not very normal and decided to not provide your details and drive off from a police officer.

Your version of events still very much sounds like you were in the wrong OP.

If someone reversed into my car such that there was an audible crunch, it,would be pointless me checking it for damage at the scene. It would need checking at the garage where they can inspect the car properly, have a good look underneath etc.

id definitely want to exchange details even if at first sight there appeared to be no damage

I had a car written off once. Most of the actual damage was underneath the vehicle.