Scary situation on the train- angry guy

[Barymerry39]

I was sitting in a seat facing the door, and a guy who looked in his 20s was standing at the door for a bit.
At one point I saw him looking over at me quite a bit, so I probably slightly frowned and looked at my phone, I should've moved seats really.
The next minute he shouted 'What the fuck are you looking at me like that for you fucking bitch!'

I just froze in shock and didn't dare look at him again. I hadn't been comfortable with his staring and wanted him to get the message, luckily he got off soon after at the stop but it was scary. What else could I have done in this situation?

I'm afraid that doesn't work. You're relying on them to choose to step in.

The best thing to do is practice in your head moving away from people. Oh and don't take the window seat!

@LemonLassTicket inspectors are not routinely on trains.

@Treesandsheepeverywhere For heavens sake! How are women meant to express disapproval of some awful men then? They will react to anything!!!

By all means, interact if you wish, but experience has taught me to ignore such men or women.

OP asked what she could have done, that's my advice, but everyone is free to do as they please.

I think the problem is often that incidents can happen very quickly and by the time others have worked out what is going on, it is already over.

But people could at least check in with you afterwards.

@QuietlyWonderful Depends how awful the man is. I’d do all of those if I was scared and couldn’t find a sanctuary in the train carriages.

Sorry that happened to you OP and to echo others - a) this was him not you, and b) freezing is natural and a valid response and is often one which actually keeps you safe.

I had a similar incident on a garage forecourt last year. Several other customers about many of them men also. I had a barrage of unprovoked abuse from a guy in the car behind me when I apparently wasn’t fuelling up quick enough. When I went into the shop to pay the guy behind the counter was shocked and asked if I was ok. I hid at the back of the shop while he came in after me acting as if I’d had never happened paying for his fuel. I quietly blubbed and couldn’t stop shaking (I was so embarrassed at my reaction after but I guess it’s adrenaline) while a lovely angel of an old woman came over immediately having witnessed it, hugged me while giving the cunt absolute daggers.

Again no actual physical violence or intimidation but with some men their body language, volume and voice tone together with such obvious fucking hatred of women plastered all over their horrible faces is high for our instincts to kick in.

The OPs initial face response is often hard to Control though surely?

”Dont give people the opportunity to” has a teeeeny whiff of victim blaming about it 😳

Don't think it's VB, it's advice for future interactions, as asked for by OP.

Yes it was an initial reaction, but we learn to control our emotions depending on the situation at hand.
Whether we like it or not, some people are quick to be violent and if you want to stay safe, best not take the risk.

Any other situation looking could have been flirting,
or sorry I was staring, thought I recognise you from somewhere,
or a punch if not worse.

Hard to read at times as well dressed doesn't always equal well mannered.

I think, as a woman, I’ve known exactly when a bloke is looking at me. The one that tried to grab DDs hair followed her into the aisle in Tesco. He called her names because she didn’t look back and then followed her in the shop. He then tried to prevent her leaving by lunging at her hair. I don’t know what to advise but she knew he wasn’t decent 1 second after her stared at her. By staring- I mean ogling.

I had a nasty experience last year just getting off a bus - there was a man blocking the way of other women on the street and yelling vile things at them. I'm afraid I get angry and loud, so I yelled back at him full volume, it's a quiet street and I wanted to attract maximum attention. Unfortunately my phone was out of juice so no chance to call the cops right there. One woman held back, she didn't intervene but she stayed in the background quietly just being there and came over to me after to see that I was okay, we were going the same way so walked together. She was tiny - even smaller than me - so I thought she was very brave to stay there. As soon as I got in I wrote down everything I noticed about the man then called the local police who took a full description and sent a car out.

I was proud of DP lately. He saw a young woman being intimidated by a group of young men on our local underground. He went over to her and said: the next stop is your stop, right? She took the lifeline and got off the train with him, he waited with her till the next train and then stayed on with her until she was safely at her own station. Very proud of him for handling it so well and not just leaving her to be harassed.

I don't condone violence but times like this, I miss my ex as he was one scary dude. Ex army, ex rugby player and, it has to be said, a very short fuse.

We were on holiday and on a day coach excursion and ex did a 'Crocodile Dundee in the restaurant' on this nobber that had his armpit in my face as he leaned over our seat to speak to the couple in front of us. I couldn't lean any further away as my ex was big and I was getting squashed.

Ex asked him to move politely and the guy just tossed his head, he then told him to move and gently pushed his armpit away from my face. With that, the guy went to swing at him but like lighting, my ex grabbed his arm, pulled it down really fast and the guy smacked his head really really hard on the seat in front of me and fell into the aisle unconscious. Ex looked out the window and said, "Is that an Ibex?" Under his breath saying, "Just look out of the window and point".

We were at our destination before someone thought to tend to this asshole lying moaning on the floor that had 'slipped on something'.

Ex could be a dick but had he been there OP, he would have quietly sorted it but I can't promise there would be no bloodshed : /

I hate traveling on train journeys for this reason. I've seen so many shouting, sweary,dodgy people on there, mostly groups of drunken men. One time about 6 men stood in a group making sexualised comments to a young woman. It was horrible for her. No one else on the train batted an eyelid. Another time, a group of about 20 young men stormed the carriage being loud and lairy. This was before a football match. It was scary. I've heard racist comments being directed at others and even seen a fight break out. Dreadful behaviour.

Report him op. I know it's too late but next time get up and move to next carriage as long as it's full of people..make distance between him and you. It's him not you.... remember that..

@Londonrach1 To whom? The police won’t do anything without cctv and op being able to recognise him. It’s a statistic but nothing will happen.

The driver, conductor, transport police ..there's a phone in every carriage..I've used it before...you get a great response

I ignore. If i think something is going to kick off I will get "off" at the next station and walk up or down the train and re board in another spot.
Sad fact of life. Listen to your instincts always.

@Londonrach1 Lucky you! What did they actually do? Take him to court? Warn him? Ban him from trains? Or nothing?

See it. Say it. Sorted.

You did the right thing. Never react. Never ever look them in the eye. If you have to talk to someone aggressive look at their forehead. A criminologist gave me this advice years ago.

I had something similar on a busy commuter train. I reported it to BTP and was pleasantly surprised at how seriously they took it. They took a statement from me and used my description to find the guy on cctv and track him through the statement. Unfortunately it was rush hour and they had opened the barriers due to overcrowding so he hadn’t had to tap out. They had hoped to identify him using his card. So they didn’t get a result but I was impressed by their response.

Everyone should feel safe on the railway. I downloaded the Railway Guardian app which has really good links for everything you might need including the text number 61016 in case something needs reporting live as it were to BTP. Hope you're ok, OP 💐

I like Phil too! That poor woman though. 🥺 Glad the perv got decked, it's the only language some people understand.

Yes this was over ten years ago. It has stuck in my head. He was so shaken himself. We wondered what had happened, Phil said himself - I think I might have killed him. He had charged at the bloke and decked him hard. The bloke fell backwards through the doors and flat out onto the platform. I don't feel a bit sorry for him either, he was essentially raping a woman right in the middle of a crowd.

I remember another time years before that working outside a shop in a tourist alleyway that would get very crowded. A huge crowd had appeared. I was waiting for them to pass. One of them, a disgusting man, was stopped in front of me. Without a word he turned and grabbed my crotch smirking at me. Similar of that women I froze and started to cry silently while it was happening.

I was only 19. These men are dangerous and only understand one language.

Freezing and ignoring is spot on, de-escalate if you can. Must have been scary.

im a bloke, but not a big tall strong one, so I do the same. I’m also aware that if a woman is in that position my obvious intervention will probably just escalate things so when I’ve seen stuff like that happen I’ve tried to make eye contact with the woman and ensure she’s ok and knows someone is paying attention. If I needed to of course I’d step in (I have done) but it’s a last resort.

@eurochick This ALL depends on cctv working. It’s doesn’t very frequently. Or it’s wiped!