Scary situation on the train- angry guy

[Barymerry39]

I was sitting in a seat facing the door, and a guy who looked in his 20s was standing at the door for a bit.
At one point I saw him looking over at me quite a bit, so I probably slightly frowned and looked at my phone, I should've moved seats really.
The next minute he shouted 'What the fuck are you looking at me like that for you fucking bitch!'

I just froze in shock and didn't dare look at him again. I hadn't been comfortable with his staring and wanted him to get the message, luckily he got off soon after at the stop but it was scary. What else could I have done in this situation?

The only person who has ever shouted at me on a train was a woman. She thought I was in her reserved seat but she was in the wrong carriage, so say she booked C6 but ordered me to move out of D6.

I have been on a train full of noisy (drunk?) football fans but they didn't speak to me, just seemed to be winding each other up.

Just remembered an incident, my husband is in his 70s and disabled, he was travelling first class as it is more doable for him. So train manager was a young woman, a group of teenagers/young 20s got on, I think he said six of them male and female. Train manager checked their tickets and told them to move to standard, they laughed at her and one said, "you are on your own." My husband hauled himself to his feet and said, "no she isn't." They all moved which make me wonder what sort of threat they thought this old disabled man presented. Maybe it was his walking sticks?

I’ve not RTFT but definitely report to British Transport Police - I had something similar happen to me (verbally abused and harassed by a drunk man at a station while waiting for a train) and BTP were brilliant.

I don't make eye contact on a train ever. Grey rock all the way.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I've been in many different situations where I've frozen then after wish I'd done something. I've read it's now part of the fight or flight responses, also fawn comes into this too. Its a way of protecting.
I'm trying to encourage my 2 teenage DC to use more public transport but it's scary.
I see myself as being a lot more streetwise, left home young lived abroad when I was younger.
DH tells me no to respond to things, I don't like confrontation and I can be passive aggressive too but sometimes can't help it when I see something going on.

I’m so sorry OP - it sounds like you did the right thing given the circumstances. There’s actually 3 responses to a threat: fight, flight or freeze. It’s not always obvious which one is best in a particular situation. I’m so sorry you experienced this, and I’m glad you were not physically harmed.

I’ve been in similar situations on trains. Once a man started aggressively yelling that he was going to “to teach me a fkn lesson” for apparently looking at him. I was not. I told him to go for it and pointed out the video cameras, other passengers and explained I had been live streaming everything to my 2000 followers on IG. I wasn’t live streaming and don’t have 2000 followers but I realized he wasn’t banking on his threats being recorded. He called me a bitch, spat at my feet and then got off on the next stop. I’ve intervened twice when women are being verbally abused on trains. One woman was grateful, the other got upset with me after he stormed off the next stop because it was her partner and she “loved him, that’s just how he can be.” 🤷🏾‍♀️

Ugh i never know what to do in these situations either - these men are unpredictable

Last week i carried my buggy down the overground steps with my baby in it and put it down when i reached the bottom - there was a man there begging and he shouted "Get that fucking buggy away from my fucking leg you fucking bitch" (he had a sore foot and was on crutches) I was shocked but maybe stupidly answered him back and told him to fuck off and then he called me a white privileged whore - because he was on crutches and couldnt stand it seemed - i took my phone out and started filming him - he continued to say he was going to punch me in the face!

I reported to 101 and a police man came round my flat a few hours later and took a statement! However they aren't going to do much about it it seems so seems a bit pointless

I keep seeing him too - he was sitting outside asda 3 times ive been the last few days - it feels so horrible that i never want to go to my local shops anymore

i’ve not read the full post, but what you need to know is how to report something/get help depending where you are

I’ve got a British transport police as a contact in my phone who I can ring or text

I had a scary incident at a rural train station where it was me and angry man (he was actually on the phone talking drugs and intention of beating up a woman).

I ended up bringing my dad and having a silly conversation with him where he got the gist of the fact that I was actually on my own and possibly in a difficult situation as he could hear the man ranting in the background. After that, I’ve always looked into what I can do in those situations.

The case linked above where Miles killed Winters looks like a jury error to me, or an error in how the judge directed them. One punch defence is supposed to apply for self defence only, it's not inappropriate for this situation to have been classed as manslaughter because of the recklessness.

f you feel unsafe on a train, you can take several steps to ensure your safety. First, inform the train conductor or staff about the situation. You can also contact the British Transport Police (BTP) directly at 0800 40 50 40 or text them on 61016. In emergencies, always call 999. Additionally, consider getting off at the next stop if the situation escalates and you feel the need to remove yourself from the immediate environment.

https://www.btp.police.uk/police-forces/british-transport-police/areas/campaigns/61016-text-service/

Can you put short numbers in your contacts?

I think you did the right thing. If you immediately got up and moved he may well have followed you. Ignore, report and get off at the next station (then on again on a different carriage).

How horrid. He won’t remember you because, most likely he was on drugs or drunk.

It's sounds nothing like that. It sounds like one of the vile, waste of skin scumbags who are constantly on a knifes edge of aggression.

Horrible and frightening. Hope you’re OK now?

A friend had very unwelcome attention on the tube home the other evening, too.
Out shopping the other day, a young man was wandering around in the conservatory type entrance to the supermarket, railing at anyone who would listen about how he demanded “international respect”. Very clearly unwell. I immediately thought of the Valdo Calocane, turned around and went elsewhere.

The state of the UK’s mental health services are is a disgrace.

@Barymerry39 my DD had a similar situation in Tesco recently. The man tried to grab her hair as she tried to leave the shop. Staff didn’t do anything. Police didn’t do anything. CCTV wiped.

So. I’ve always said to DDs either you move to a carriage with folk in it, or you get off the train with lots of other people. Wait for the next train. Neither is easy. Some men are disgusting.

One can only hope.
Saw an extremely satisfying video recently of one such situation. An angry young piece of scum with his face covered, threatening that he had a knife in his pocket, swung up to this guy, thinking he was king dick and the guy floored him with one punch. The guy should have been given a medal.

Re getting off the train because you feel threatened - would your ticket still be valid on the next train? Probably OK on the Underground, but I would really resent having to pay more to continue the journey elsewhere.

This is why you never look at people on public transport. Never make eye contact.

I’m sorry this happened to you. His behaviour was a reflection on him as a person not yourself and if anything you should pity him for the fact that he must be that miserable in his life that he feels the need to shut at random strangers.

Nobody knows how they would react in this situation until they’re in it. Don’t be hard on yourself. But definitely report it.

Same. Out of fight, flight, or freeze- I’m a fighter 🙈

OP I would have said something to him if I had seen him speak to you like that. For me, there’s nothing worse than people doing nothing when they see a vulnerable person being abused.

Controversial but I would be even more likely to say something if my kids were with me. I am raising my boys to grow into men who would not let this kind of behaviour slide.

She is not stupid and she did not put her baby in danger. An unhinged aggressive man put them in danger. She was threatened and had an instinctive response.

Good on you for sticking up for yourself.

You did the right thing as they are just a bully looking for a fight with someone smaller than them.

Buses are the worst. Years ago one guy was screaming and shouting down hos mobile. I glanced over ;what the f you looking at. I said well I have to listen to you I might as well look at you . The expected response 'I'm gong to knock you out!' He didn't do anything but obviously could have gone the other way.

Freezing is an instinct for self preservation, its happened to me in different situations just forget it. Its worse if you are a guy because you feel like you should stand up to them but not always wise nowadays.

So true, they're just looking for a reason to kick off.

Funny how it's not normally a 6ft 3 man yhry pick though, isn't it? Prick.

Though freeze and fawn feel like the weakest responses they are often the most effective.

I bet if you'd gotten up to move he would have shouted 'what's your fucking problem bitch' anyway, and potentially followed you.