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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Scary situation on the train- angry guy

151 replies

Barymerry39 · 02/07/2025 07:59

I was sitting in a seat facing the door, and a guy who looked in his 20s was standing at the door for a bit.
At one point I saw him looking over at me quite a bit, so I probably slightly frowned and looked at my phone, I should've moved seats really.
The next minute he shouted 'What the fuck are you looking at me like that for you fucking bitch!'

I just froze in shock and didn't dare look at him again. I hadn't been comfortable with his staring and wanted him to get the message, luckily he got off soon after at the stop but it was scary. What else could I have done in this situation?

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 02/07/2025 10:50

@QuietlyWonderful Train ticket validity is the least of the problem here. Yes. Get off with other people. If there’s an inspector, explain but tickets are often for a zoned time. However it’s better than confrontation.

Mumble12 · 02/07/2025 10:50

The only thing you're being unreasonable about is saying you should've moved seats. You were travelling by train, presumably with a ticket you'd paid for. You had every right to be there, in any seat of your choice, without being verbally abused.

Wheezygonzalez · 02/07/2025 10:51

There’s actually 3 responses to a threat: fight, flight or freeze

There’s actually 4.

Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn

Fawn is a trauma response where an individual attempts to appease or placate a threat to avoid harm. A common ‘fawn’ is faking a smile or laugh.

ArtTheClown · 02/07/2025 10:51

The case linked above where Miles killed Winters looks like a jury error to me, or an error in how the judge directed them. One punch defence is supposed to apply for self defence only, it's not inappropriate for this situation to have been classed as manslaughter because of the recklessness.

I really hope that this sentence is reviewed for undue leniency, and you're right. This wasn't a drunken brawl that got out of hand, this was an innocent man minding his own business, commuting to work.

Over40Overdating · 02/07/2025 10:55

@TheignT not sure I understand your post. There is a clear and undeniable increase in violence towards women by men in public. Your experience of women being unpleasant does not balance this or make what men are doing less offensive.

A woman being difficult over a seat is a different world to a man going up to a woman on the street, unprompted, and telling her how much he wants to smash her skull off the pavement til her brains are splattered everywhere or coming into a place of work to target women specifically to tell them they are all evil and he wishes he could get away with murdering them all. That’s just 2 of the incidents I have witnessed recently. The police could not have been less interested.

2dogsandabudgie · 02/07/2025 10:55

Dangermoo · 02/07/2025 08:50

That waste of space shouldn't see the outside of a prison again.

I agree, only eight years for taking a life. That's disgusting.

Iwillclasptheeagain · 02/07/2025 10:58

JustPinkFinch · 02/07/2025 08:59

I had an angry man scream at me in a shopping centre recently OP and I froze as well. No men around assisted me. Then, because I didn't retaliate, he barged past me and continued on his way shouting at the top of his lungs. Had my mouthy fight response been activated, the situation could have escalated - so I feel quite reassured that my brain did the right thing. Even though deep down I wish I'd pulled out some of my best Jackie Chan moves.

Men are the most pathetic they have ever been at this point in time.

I am sorry this loser did this to you. I'm sorry the men around chose to look the other way.

Wheezygonzalez · 02/07/2025 10:59

Iwillclasptheeagain · 02/07/2025 10:58

Men are the most pathetic they have ever been at this point in time.

I am sorry this loser did this to you. I'm sorry the men around chose to look the other way.

Edited

I find it ironic that we are the most emotional sex. Is it because they don’t see anger as an emotion? Men are overtly emotional imo.

WorcsEdu · 02/07/2025 11:00

Agreed some people have so little going for them they spin out looking to drag anyone they can down. Similar to those hooligans who will go knock out or beat up a stranger on a night out just to take out agression. You do hear about these types and their friends kicking a stranger to death in parks too. The only thing you can do is not make eye contact and stay as far away as possible.

failedatlifee · 02/07/2025 11:01

Wheezygonzalez · 02/07/2025 09:33

I love people saying were there no other passengers… like people actually help 😄

I was sexually assaulted on a train several years ago and there were people around even when he got off and I burst into tears they awkwardly tried to avoid eye contact with me.

Classic Bystander Syndrome. You can’t assume people will help unfortunately you just need to look after yourself.

I froze that time OP. If I was in your position now I’d have moved instantly and texted that Transport Police number (61016).

Same I read all the comments about asking if there was other passengers and rolled my eyes, like anyone ever helps! I’ve been abused on the bus and train and no one said a single word. It was surreal, even the driver didn’t get involved (on the bus)

FatherFrosty · 02/07/2025 11:03

I freeze as well and I’d have done the same. Some times, moving makes you more of a target especially if you have to walk past that person.

Goditsmemargaret · 02/07/2025 11:06

Ugh this is so awful. I think freezing is very normal OP, even for the onlookers.

As the PPs said it had nothing to do with you. I saw a similar scene once but the recipient of the abuse (calling him a weirdo and a creep staring at him) was a middle-aged man. He started roaring back at the guy telling him to not be so paranoid and to get the fuck off the train at the next stop as he was annoying everyone. The guy shut up fast and got off.

EmeraldRoulette · 02/07/2025 11:10

@Barymerry39 so sorry this happened to you

Was this in the morning rush-hour?

EmotionallyWeird · 02/07/2025 11:12

I think I would have just said "because you appeared to be staring at me and I wondered if something was wrong."

Wheezygonzalez · 02/07/2025 11:14

failedatlifee · 02/07/2025 11:01

Same I read all the comments about asking if there was other passengers and rolled my eyes, like anyone ever helps! I’ve been abused on the bus and train and no one said a single word. It was surreal, even the driver didn’t get involved (on the bus)

Just to clarify that ❤️ I just gave you was a ‘so sorry’ empathy hug, I definitely did not love that post. If you see what I mean. ☺️

Its shit isn’t it. I understand, people don’t want to get involved but there should be safety in numbers and if everyone just stood back what sort of a society are we creating? The one we have I guess 😟

Mmhmmn · 02/07/2025 11:24

There's a text number for British Transport Police for non-emergencies: 61016
That could be worth a try if it's not possible to move away.

QuietlyWonderful · 02/07/2025 11:24

TizerorFizz · 02/07/2025 10:50

@QuietlyWonderful Train ticket validity is the least of the problem here. Yes. Get off with other people. If there’s an inspector, explain but tickets are often for a zoned time. However it’s better than confrontation.

That may be the easy to do in a city / transit system. I'm thinking of the journey I did recently - London King's Cross to Middlesbrough via York. A) it was not an open (travel anytime) ticket, B) not cheap even on a specific service, and C) this would add hours to the journey.

Solaire18381 · 02/07/2025 11:25

There do seem to be more weirdos on trains than buses, I think it's because at many stations you can just get on a train, without there being any person/driver to pass.

I think in retrospect, maybe reporting it at the time to BTP, on our local trains there are regular announcements with their number to text.

I remember being alone with young DC on a train one evening, there was a guy asking a girl where are you getting off the train, basically intimidating her. Thankfully there were more people and a couple looking out for her. He did move on in the end and got off alone at the next stop. I did feel anxious myself, as I say I was alone with a child. I just kept thinking please don't come to me.

Mmhmmn · 02/07/2025 11:27

Goditsmemargaret · 02/07/2025 11:06

Ugh this is so awful. I think freezing is very normal OP, even for the onlookers.

As the PPs said it had nothing to do with you. I saw a similar scene once but the recipient of the abuse (calling him a weirdo and a creep staring at him) was a middle-aged man. He started roaring back at the guy telling him to not be so paranoid and to get the fuck off the train at the next stop as he was annoying everyone. The guy shut up fast and got off.

Ha, brilliant. Bully picked the wrong victim and got found out. Unfortunately he'll probably stick to abusing women and elderly in future

GoodBones85 · 02/07/2025 11:35

Definitely report to British Transport Police via text. I was in a train recently and a young man was watching very loud videos with graphic details of Murder and violence and I reported this via text. They were great in their response.

CottageGoblin · 02/07/2025 11:39

I don’t know if this has been said, but sometimes moving seats just exacerbates the situation.
this happened to me, and he followed me to another seat. It was scary but I just said I didn’t want any trouble. I don’t really know how I got away with that tbh

Goditsmemargaret · 02/07/2025 11:42

Occasionally other people will get involved. I worked with a very nice man once but you wouldn't mess with him; he had a military background and was very open about the hard upbringing he'd had. He was a great guy, really sound, decent, straight up, friendly but not gossipy, fun and friendly but not flirty, committed to his wife etc. We worked in an industry that was rife with politics, money, affairs so he was refreshing.

Anyway one morning in the office he walked in looking uncharacteristically rattled. He said he'd punched someone on the tram and was expecting the police to arrive in. The team was mid chat and it was so bizarre it took a few minutes to get the details out of him, he was pacing looking very agitated. I'll call him Phil.

It went like this; the tram was absolutely rammed as it was at rush hour every morning. He was face to face with this woman when he realised she looked petrified and was shaking and crying silently. They locked eyes then she signalled to her left or right. He was totally confused as she didn't speak a word. He followed her gaze and he said he couldn't believe what he was seeing, a man had his hand up her skirt.

Phil said red rage descended on him, the tram had stopped and doors opened. Phil pushed forward and punched the man right in the face. He fell out the doors and onto the platform out cold and a crowd of chaos descended. Phil panicked walked through the throng of confusion and left, came straight to work.

He didn't know what to do, we calmed him down. We expected the police to arrive all day but nothing, no reports etc. He kept describing the woman's terrified face and each time he did you could hear the anger and upset in his voice. His eyes would widen as he described it, it was clear he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

I have to say I liked him even more after that.

Mummyo2girls · 02/07/2025 11:43

Barymerry39 · 02/07/2025 08:03

Thank you, I'll look at how to report it.

Tube and rail

  • Text the British Transport police on 61016. Tell them what happened, where and when (a small charge may apply)
Or you can report online to tfl

this text number is really good, when I felt uncomfortable before they text back and had officers waiting at the next station for me

Emmz1510 · 02/07/2025 11:44

OMG what is wrong with some people? Probably some angry disgusting little incel. You could have reported him to train staff and/or transport police. Probably still could. They might have CCTV if you can give a good description.

Clearinguptheclutter · 02/07/2025 11:51

Urgh how horrible

I don’t know what else could have been done, if a staff member was seen I’d have mentioned it to them if he was still on the train.

he wasn’t abusive but I was really impressed how a train manager dealt with a sticky situation with a person with far too much luggage recently