Scary situation on the train- angry guy

[Barymerry39]

I was sitting in a seat facing the door, and a guy who looked in his 20s was standing at the door for a bit.
At one point I saw him looking over at me quite a bit, so I probably slightly frowned and looked at my phone, I should've moved seats really.
The next minute he shouted 'What the fuck are you looking at me like that for you fucking bitch!'

I just froze in shock and didn't dare look at him again. I hadn't been comfortable with his staring and wanted him to get the message, luckily he got off soon after at the stop but it was scary. What else could I have done in this situation?

Sounds like he had a mental disorder, you should immediately text 61016 in that situation; they can meet the train at the next station, send a guard up and give advice. Ignoring can take the heat off though, he wanted your reaction and you bored him, which was best.

There was nothing wrong about your reaction at all. Everything wrong with his behaviour. I know that I would want to move away but I'd worry that the action of my moving might trigger him into reacting. The freeze response is not necessarily a bad one.

There seems to be an epidemic of angry men in public right now. I have witnessed more public aggression in the last couple of months than in the previous couple of years.

What’s shocked me most is in a couple of cases it was obvious the men involved were craving the opportunity to inflict violence on a woman and only the certainty of getting caught stopped them.

I’ve lived in London a very long time and consider myself hard to scare but I am wary now. There’s zero police presence and little hope of anyone getting involved if an angry man decides today is the day to be a big man.

It’s profoundly depressing.

I would’ve done exactly the same. Travelling alone on public transport shouldn’t be like this. It’s sad but it’s getting to the point where we need guards on trains to ensure our safety. And conductors on buses. Other passengers are usually reluctant to get involved - and I can understand why. Too many people with no respect for others.

I agree. I honestly despair at the judicial system in this country. They know what they are doing and how they are going to react to triggers.

We need fifty new huge prisons in this country and sentencing to match.

They are too busy putting folk in prison for hurty words.

I would always advise not moving if you have people around you. Years ago I moved and the bloke followed me into an empty carriage. After shouting at me he got off at the next stop, thankfully.

Really feel for you, it’s an awful feeling.

I have quite a big mouth and have intervened in situations before. I saw myself as someone who will stand up.

One day I was on a train with a friend sitting opposite me.
A man walked past and out of nowhere put his hand around my friends neck, squeezing.

He was saying something about ‘shutting the fuck up’ and calling her a bitch.

My whole body and being froze totally, I could feel my mind trying to process what was happening and what I should do about it.
I could not break the freeze.

The man let go and got off the train.

I have not totally forgiven myself for not protecting her. I felt weak, now I understand it’s a totally natural instant reaction that we don’t have control over.

As someone said upthread, freeze reaction is there to protect you.
Although my reaction hurt my self view, it was best, what would have happpened if I had escalated the situation?

I am so sorry you had to deal with that cowardly weasel, totally lack in him not in you.

That waste of space shouldn't see the outside of a prison again.

Eight years, out in five and a half. I am so very sorry for Samuel Winter's family.

People like that will eventually end up in a situation where they meet an angrier man who is quite happy to teach them a lesson. Its only a matter of time.

You did the right thing and in future you could report it to British transport police, if it's safe to do so.

I was once on a train with a man like this and it was delayed for ages and he was getting very agitated. Luckily some other passengers talked to him and that seemed to calm him down. I do find usually in those situations other men or people who have experience de-escalating a situation will usually come to the aid of a lone woman who seems intimidated but of course that doesn't help if there's nobody else there.

That is scary and I am not sure that I would have been able to handle that without saying something back, which would have been pretty dangerous.

I think public transport is great but have had a few pretty scary incidents over the years and can remember that feeling.

After a minor incident a few years ago I realised that I didn’t really have emergency contacts easily available in my phone. So I saved a load in my contacts, all with the starting word ‘Emergency’:

Emergency British Transport Police
Emergency Dentist
Emergency Minor Injuries
Emergency Roadside Assistance
Emergency Passport Number
and others

So hopefully in an emergency I would be able to type in the word ‘Emergency’ and pick out the most appropriate option.

Thanks so much for the support, I'll definitely use the BTP in future.

I love people saying were there no other passengers… like people actually help 😄

I was sexually assaulted on a train several years ago and there were people around even when he got off and I burst into tears they awkwardly tried to avoid eye contact with me.

Classic Bystander Syndrome. You can’t assume people will help unfortunately you just need to look after yourself.

I froze that time OP. If I was in your position now I’d have moved instantly and texted that Transport Police number (61016).

Avoid all eye contact with people like that as it just gives them an invitation to approach you (in their mind)

Our train carriages have posters with British Transport Police text number. I used it when my train was sitting at the station at the start of the journey and a drunk came on and started abusing people and racially abusing two young girls. I got an instant reply asking for details of the service, carriage I was on etc and the police were there quickly and removed him. They kept in touch with me via text until he was removed. I'd be confident to use it again if I needed to.

Unfortunately, I'm one of the people that would not have stood around and watched, my husband said i'll get myself killed one day, but I can't stand bye when i see someone intimidating or attacking another person

Report it

Yes, a lovely physiotherapist, who gave something to society. The scum who killed him is one of many life's takers. A total waste of oxygen.

I am one of those people too. Always getting involved. Yet on the last occasion I was personally screamed at, I froze. It's impossible to predict as we do not consciously control things, not matter how much we want to think we're an all guns blazing type.

Indeed.

I am so sorry OP. This is not a nice situation to be in.

You absolutely did the right thing in not reacting. But it is very normal to feel a bit shaken by it too. Don't disregard how you feel.

I really am starting to hate being in public these days.

Really sorry to hear that, what a horrible situation. I don't think you did anything wrong. Sounds like an angry disturbed man to me.I probbly would have frozen as well.

I had a similar situation crossing the road once, I was looking to see if there was any traffic coming and there was a man a few yards down from me, I barely registered that he was there - until he started screaming "stop looking at me!". The difference of course is that I could just walk away, public transport is much scarier. Once I fell asleep on the tube and woke up to find a man rifling through my bag! I pulled my bag to me and froze, he shambled off. Could have been worse.

You can report by text to BTP on 61016. If the incident was still going on, they can meet the train at the next station and board it. If the incident is finished, they can take details and contact you afterwards. I used the service when I witnessed a drunk man being verbally abusive and aggressive to a woman on the night tube. I was pregnant so didn't feel able to intervene (she got off at the next stop as well) but i wanted to leave my details so that if she chose to report it, they had my details as a witness. They called me back the next day and were very thorough in all the information they took.

What is it with angry shouty men lately?

Teen DD was on the bus with 2 friends, this was on the super-hot Monday. All the windows (4 teeny-tiny stupid windows for a whole upper deck) had been opened but obviously it was still an unbearable sauna inside the bus. Suddenly a big angry man stood up and stormed up and down the aisle, ranting at all the passengers, really got in people's faces, shouting and swearing at them to "Close ALL the windows you %^&*# so the bus driver will put on the air-conditioning!" People were so intimidated that they closed their windows and sweltered in agony, knowing that if the man assaulted them, what would anyone else do?