Child left in car in 35 degree heat

[Empress13]

Please tell me as I’m struggling to understand How the hell you could forget you have left a child in a car in such extreme heat. Unbelievable ! that poor child

I can't tell if you are wilfully ignoring the articles and every comment others have posted or if you are incapable of applying any nuance.

You are not a better parent than everyone commenting here. Everyone on here agrees that deliberately leaving a dog or child in a car is wrong, neglectful and if harm was caused they should be prosecuted. There is no doubt that it is inexcusable.

Posters are not talking about that situation. They are talking about being on autopilot which we have all, even you, experienced in some way at some point. In these tragic cases autopilot sadly happened when parents had their babies in the car.

I have experienced this myself with an older child. Normally walked DS to school, then came home and drove to the gym. On this occasion I was driving him to school and then to the gym.

Got in the car with DS and halfway to the gym, DS piped up in the back 'Mummy where are we going.' I had completely forgotten he was there and to drive him to school because I was in my gym gear and I always drive straight to the gym in that scenario.

DS was 5 and able to speak up. Had he been a baby or toddler who was asleep, the outcome could have been very different, as when I got to the gym I would, like always, have grabbed my water bottle and towel from the passenger seat and rushed in without paying any attention to the back seat of the car. Because why would I?

I know what peripheral vision is - I don't understand what the poster I was replying to meant. She said that if you don't see a baby in the back seat while locking a car your peripheral vision is defective.

You quoted me - and quote what I wrote in your post questioning - peripheral vison being irrelevant - hence me replying to your post.

As your reply to me made no sense hence me feeling need explain what peripheral vision because what you wrote made it sound like you absolutly didn't know that.

Oh have you changed your name? Or am I getting confused!? Sorry if latter!

Anyway I still don't get your point - when I lock my car a baby in a car seat is not in my peripheral vision at all, regardless of how good or bad that might be. I could even have my back to the whole car.

Trying to take the emotion out of the discussion about how our minds work.

There are two ‘modes’ - system 1 and system 2. 1 is autopilot. How you drive home when you aren’t thinking about it. 2 is really thinking. We spend a lot of our time in 1, because it’s easy and our brains are saving energy. Our brains flip into 1 automatically if we are doing something routine. If I drop DD to school, then go to work, I can do the whole thing as 1. Because it’s routine. If DH did, he can’t be cause it’s not his routine.

Your brain does this. It’s why we drive home when we wanted to go to Tescos. Why we forget things that are out of the ordinary. And it’s automatic. Which is why you can do things like write on your hand, put your bag in the back seat, stick a post-it on the window, whatever. But DON’T rely on your brain being magically different to everyone else’s brain.

I read of one recently In Florida where the dad left his 10 month old I think it was in the back seat whilst he went and got a haircut and had a beer in a bar😡 it isn't always a tragic accident. Some people are disgusting

I am not familiar with the Spanish story (I can’t bear to read it tbh) but I have previously read that American article and completely understand the dangers of going onto autopilot.

Anyone who thinks it could never happen to them is deluded. I feel incredibly sorry for those parents.

Anyone still arguing either that this couldn’t possibly happen to them or that these parents are covering something up should just go and read that WP article.

Experts - people who have actually studied and researched these matters, not just someone who ‘reckons’ this or that - explain clearly precisely how and why this happens. And the phenomenon of why some are so desperate to insist it would never happen to them.

These poor parents have suffered terribly. Let’s at least not impose ignorant judgment on them too.

These are the ones where the parents get charged with culpable homicide and neglect - when there's an active decision to leave the child in the vehicle rather than it being a tragic oversight.

And so they should. How anyone can think leaving a baby in a hot car for any length of time is an okay thing to do deserves as harsh a punishment as possible

From the WaPo article - Hickling is a psychologist.

Humans, Hickling said, have a fundamental need to create and maintain a narrative for their lives in which the universe is not implacable and heartless, that terrible things do not happen at random, and that catastrophe can be avoided if you are vigilant and responsible.
In hyperthermia cases, he believes, the parents are demonized for much the same reasons. “We are vulnerable, but we don’t want to be reminded of that. We want to believe that the world is understandable and controllable and unthreatening, that if we follow the rules, we’ll be okay. So, when this kind of thing happens to other people, we need to put them in a different category from us. We don’t want to resemble them, and the fact that we might is too terrifying to deal with. So, they have to be monsters.”

AKA the Just World Hypothesis

we are seeing some stunning examples of it from the wilfully ignorant in this thread.

People will always say "this would never happen to me" but as PPs have said, it's usually a change of routine and you go on autopilot and before you know it you're at work and your mind doesn't click that you've forgotten to take the kid to nursery or whatever.

I was once driving to the next town with my toddler in the car, my mind started wandering and I only remembered my toddler was with me when she made a noise in the back, I had genuinely forgotten. Terrified the life out of me and it was years ago, I never would have thought it could happen to me until it did, thankfully it didn't get to the point where she was in danger but I can easily see how it happens.

Look at quite history - link at bottom - show quote histroy.

You've quoted me but seem to think you quoted the person I quoted replied to.

I haven't name changed at all on this thread - and wouldn't do so as that's sock - puppeting and against talk guidlines and I think it's rude to even imply I've done that.

You posts make no sense beacuse when you quote me you seem to think you are replying to person I was replying to - which makes no sense because you then quoted from my post but seem to think you are replying to person I was quoting and replying to counter. That why it makes no sense to you and probably no-one else.

I made a point about our brains not always letting us know what our eyes have take in.

Peripheral vision or actual visison the brain can and does discount things - like man in a gorilla being on court because our focus in on counting points. So glancing back isn't a guarantee of "seeing a baby" there - that was my point.

I think you meant to reply to IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle at Today 12:41 - who seems to think peripheral vision is enough not me - which was not me and I was countering this.

How is it possible to lock your car and not see something as large as a baby in the back seat?
Cars have windows all round. If you can't see into it you shouldn't be driving. It's stupiditu or neglect. I have no sympathy for these parents.

This is a really interesting, thought provoking read. For anyone thinking “I would never do that” it is worth reading and reflecting.

This psychology is also linked to victim blaming in other places. Specifically rape victims’ behaviour. e.g. blaming what they were wearing. Because if I dress conservatively, the world becomes magically benign. And men cease to rape.

Wishing to control every aspect of our lives by rule-following is tempting. It’s also a complete fantasy.

Lots of people get out the car bang the door shut and hit the lock button as they walk away.
Or they just touch the door handle and it locks.
Throw in privacy glass you can't see the backseat or any child in it.
I can also image a tall person the roof of the car would block their view of the back seat.

Someone has also mentioned numbers have increase with the increased use of rear facing seats.

I always had our youngest child behind the passenger seat, statistically a slightly safer place for them to be. Actually the safest is the middle of the backseat, but no isofix in the middle.

Which probably makes it harder to notice them from the outside of the drivers door. But more likely to notice they are there from the drivers seat.

And victims of domestic and child abuse.

@CatHairEveryWhereNow - this is how my post looks to me, I was quoting and replying to @IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle not to you. Possibly an issue with the website?

Not sure if you can see the screenshot picture? When I click on quote history it show me replying to Ihavealwayslivedinthecastle .

No, you clearly do not know what peripheral vision is (or the mechanics of how yhd brain interpret area what we can see in our peripheral.

An article - in case you have the intellectual curiosity

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/illusion-reveals-that-the-brain-fills-in-peripheral-vision.html#:~:text=What%20we%20see%20in%20the,isn't%20always%20the%20case.

Absolutely. But a lot of parents in these hot car deaths don't think that. There's no conscious decision made that this is ok. They just forget the baby is in the car.

Brain wiring - as I posted there have been experiments done - failry famous ones - that have found we filter out what we're not focused on or expecting.

Nothing to do with eyesight - it's evolutionary short cuts.

Now to me - with memory issues and knowing autopilot and autofill verbally and visually an issue - have always been aware and made sure I compensate and come from a family that's the norm - you go back check locked door check picked thing up check where kids are and I was hyperawrae where my kids were. So I didn't leave kids ever as know this can happen so check a lot.

However that not true in DH family - they are normal people who ocassionally forget things - kids most extreme - luckly it's not been a big issue.

If there was no nefarious intent on parents behalf it's a tragic accident - and like many other tragic accidents very probably avoidable with some forthought or systems in place.

I feel like I am going insane - what on earth in that article do you think contradicts what I said?

I am partially sighted, I can't see anything in the right half of both of my eyes, as you say it's a problem with my brain not my eyes. My brain has naturally adapted to it by making my eyes glance to the right every couple of seconds, like you say a quick glance does very little other than making sure I'm not bumping in to something very big and obvious.

Ah crap - my brain skipped over half a sentence - which then completely changed what I perceived you were saying bevause I thought I was replying to the actual person going in about defective peripheral vision blah blah blah….which in itself is interesting and ironic because i’vd just fallen foul of the brain filtering what it sees bevause it thinks it’s in the right place and the right time giving a pretty good example of what’s being highlighted in this thread.