Child left in car in 35 degree heat

[Empress13]

Please tell me as I’m struggling to understand How the hell you could forget you have left a child in a car in such extreme heat. Unbelievable ! that poor child

All the parents on this thread who have admitted that they briedly forgotten children, or the opposite, thought they knew children were with them while they were somewhere else - they are then shit, neglectful parents who can't do the bare minimum?
Because they did the same - forgot their children. Without the tragic outcome, but if they had remembered later or weather would have been warmer..

I don't believe it is possible to lock your car door and not notice there is a baby on the back seat. If your peripheral vision is that poor how do you even manage to drive?

We are all different. With so many distractions running through my mind I have forgotten my phone, bag, watch, all essential to my day. I agree to keeping something in the back seat.

Yep that's exactly what I'm saying. People think they would never do this, but obviously people do. Our nursery has an app and tells us when they've checked him in, so me and partner check this too

I couldn't get past the first paragraph 💔 that poor family 😢

I think you're lying because it's very easy. The safest place for the baby is on the opposite side of the drivers seat, and if it's rear facing you definitely can't see it. And I have a small car, not an SUV

this is a horrible post OP - a parent this happens to is not going to have done it on purpose -its a tragic accident ! and 11 pages of blame is not helpful to anyone. you have no idea what was going on that day with that parent - stress or anything they were under ! maybe the child was asleep rear facing in the back and he was just on auto pilot and went to work as usual because he / she doesn't normally have child with them or whatever.

I usually don't even look back at my car when I lock it - just point back and press the button as I walk away. And most new cars you don't even have to do that.

What a bizarre take.

Actually, the people saying that it can't possibly be an accident are breeding complacency; read the WaPo article and you'll see about how safety devices to avoid this situation don't sell well precisely because arrogant fools believe their superior brains/parenting skills will keep them safe.

Far better to accept that it is a mistake the human mind can make, because then people are more likely to actively look for solutions. Simple things like keeping your bag in the back seat so you have to open a back door to get it can be highly effective.

I don't need to actually turn the key to lock my car, i walk away and it locks automatically. But just out of curiosity, went out to check if I would definitely see if a child was on back seat even if I had to physically lock the car. No. Very easy to miss unless you actually open the door to check the back seat, which is not something most people do 'just in case', when they believe their child is somewhere else.

It's not likely to happen to us - only because we're lucky enough that most of what we need is a walk/bus ride away!

People frothing about the fallibility of the human brain are FAR more likely to underestimate their own cognitive fallibilities. You don't have a special brain - yours likely won't work far outside of the norm.

Knowing the limits of your own cognitive abilities isn't an insult to your parenting. Refusing to accept the limits of the human brain is a solid sign of something else though, and it isn't complimentary.

I was brought up to check leaving every location that we had everything with us - a glance back quick check - I've been astounded DH and his parents leaving bags and other stuff in various locations over the years becuase they don't automatically do this.

My kids have learnt this from example and verbal checks like I did - why because in my family we know we can't rely on remembering everything and that we do autopilot a lot so we check a lot(SEN/ND).

I've always been hyper aware where my DC were - so was again surpsied when DH forgot about youngest a few time and tried to leave her downstairs alone asleep at night - his parents could be equally as vauge though caught as kids looked out for each other or DH or I did.

IL usually sensible people often leave door and windows unlocked till got burgled then had to get an alarm - prior to that they used to talk of time they went abroad for couple of weeks rsuhed to taxi and left door wide open - neigbour spotted it realised they were away and shut it - I can't belive they'd do such a thing - let alone tell it as a funny story for years.

So yes I can see a break in routine - over tired parents especially in US with long hours and short maternity leaves - autopilot kicking in. So yes little habit things like putting bag in back so you turn and phycailly check I could see helping.

Nope. I'm not lying- why on earth would I? If ypur peripheral vision is so poor you can't see a baby in the back seat when you lock ypur car your vision is too poor to be driving.

Lots of cars have tinted back windows, I’ve been looking at lots of used ones recently and you have to cover you eyes and press against the window to have a good look in the back, that combined with new style locks of just walking away.

Scrimping on childcare? So decides to pay 10k for a funeral instead of 150 bucks for a day of childcare? Is maths not your strong point?
Or logic, or empathy, or understanding...

No. We should all think “there but for the grace of god go I” and then think about things that we can do to prevent it happening to us.

Things like having a habit of putting your bag in the backseat are really good. And talking to our nurseries / schools to see if they will contact us if the kids don’t turn up.

One thing I do if there is something that is out of routine that I must remember is create what I call “What The Fuck!” moments. Ie do something so that when I later see it then I will think “What the Fuck!” which will remind my poor, tired, routine driven brain that something is going on here that I need to think about. So an obvious example is if I was taking a child to nursery when I didn’t usually then rather than just putting my bag on the backseat I would tip the bag upside down so that all my stuff is now spread over the backseat and I have to scrabble around trying to find my contact lens container which has now flown off somewhere unknown. All the while thinking “What The Fuck!” And then remember I need to drop the baby at nursery.

There that famous experiment where people are asked to watch some aspect of a basketball game - and focus on that and the brain misses a gorilla being on court.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Invisible_Gorilla
People who are focused on one thing can easily overlook something else - so focues on getting parked and getting to work on time - and brain discounts anything else.

So talk of peripheral vision is uterley irrelevant - brain often cherry picks from what our eyes take in - unless you somehow have a brain different to all the ones so far studied.

I saw a tip on FB the other day to take off one shoe and chuck it on the back seat.

How is peripheral vision relevent? I don't even have to look in the direction of my car to lock it. In fact I don't have to do anything at all it just locks when the fob is a certain distance away.

See I think this - we should help parents develop habits or have systems in place so this can't happen as easily or is elimated entirely.

Thinking it can't happen to you, you'd never forget your child etc, is exactly how this kind of thing happens. You get lulled into a false sense of security and don't think to take precautions. Tbh I could never understand how it happens until I read that Nosleep story 'Autopilot'.

Absolutely terrible. Poor baby

I totally agree it is absolutely the most horrific thing I have ever read in my life and it will never ever leave me.

Likewise. I can also lock and unlock it using my phone. Which I can also use to pay for things, so don't always have a bag with me to carry a purse or other items. I could very easily get out of the driver's seat and walk away without a backward glance at the tinted rear windows.

It is the very people who think it could never happen to them who are most vulnerable to it happening. The naïve belief in their own invincibility is astounding.

Yes exactly. Thinking the parents involved are monsters or neglectful and it would never happen to a normal person is a very complacent take. Much more useful to think that its a terrifying possibility and put some thought into how to make sure it never happens to you.

Peripheral vision is the corner of the eye stuff not looking directly at something and if the brain can miss things directly in front of it quick glances give it less chance - though movement would be picked up for survval reasons.

And as I explained it's becuase we don't see everything - even when we are looking directly at something. The brain selects what we see - not the eyes -so you can look and not "see". It's the brain filtering out noise - it's imperfect system.

Obviusly directly looking back to to lock or pick up bag - will obviously help see - but that's more than a side glance - a side glance even less chance for the brain to register a child is in the back espailly if they are quiet and still.