Child left in car in 35 degree heat

[Empress13]

Please tell me as I’m struggling to understand How the hell you could forget you have left a child in a car in such extreme heat. Unbelievable ! that poor child

Echoing the advice to read that WaPo article with caution. It is one of the most upsetting things I've ever come across online.

There's always some people who will say "I would never do that". I'm sure all the parents who have done it thought that too.

I once very sleep deprived (3 kids under 5).took the kids and 2 dogs to the river. Had a good play and walk. Got home. 1 kid been sick. Another crying. Carried them in, got the dogs out the boot.and the 3rd kid. Got in the house.
Cleaned up sick. Stop crying child. Nappy changed 3rd child. Made lunch then thought were the fuck is the other dog.
He was still in the boot. Probably about 20 minutes later. Luckily it wasn't that hot and he was fine (he probably jumped back in again to grab his toy while I was distracted and then shut the boot on him). Made me feel awful though and still remember the panic 15 years on.

The people who think they're infallible are the ones most likely to make the mistake. It's the worriers and the checkers who will never do it.

A lack of empathy is a dangerous thing. There but for the grace of God go I.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/20/my-baby-died-in-hot-car

Sorry can't edit any more but true, trigger warning, the article is distressing.
But I will not say 'I would never!' after reading it.

The point of the article is that it could happen to anybody. It's not necessarily something that happens to people who are mentally unwell or distracted for some reason. The brain goes into autopilot many many times throughout the day and this is normal and functional - if you remembered everything, you wouldn't be able to distinguish the important things. If you had to think about how to drive a car and walk constantly you would struggle to navigate.

Do you remember brushing your teeth this morning? (Or last night, if you are reading this in the morning.) Probably you know whether you did it or not but unless something out of the ordinary happened you probably can't remember the exact shape the toothpaste made on your toothbrush. It's such an ordinary activity that our brains don't record the exact details of it. And while you'd say well surely a child is important - it doesn't work like that. Routine activities are forgettable. Unusual instances are memorable.

Usually when a child is forgotten in a car it's something which disrupts the usual routine - the other parent usually drops off at childcare, and/or there is a road closure which directs the parent past nursery and by the time they rejoin the road they go into the autopilot mode for after drop off and don't register they haven't done it yet.

Italy now has a law requiring all parents driving children under 4 to use an electronic device which will alarm if the parent ('s phone) leaves the car while the device detects the weight of a child in the seat. You can buy the devices in any European country, but mostly people don't buy them because they assume it could not happen to them.

It must be easier to do with the increased use of rear facing car seats.

You'd notice getting out more easily with forward facing but I can see how if you are out of routine/distracted it's easier to lock your car and not notice.

I read that WaPo article years ago too and can absolutely believe that just occasionally people forget. We've all done stuff on autopilot, just usually with less serious consequences, surely? Walked into a room to pick X, seen Y and dealt with it instead and walked out of the room completely forgetting you went in there to do X.

Not necessarily - we used to let a baby finish a nap in the car (with an adult sat in with them and not on a hot day) and closing the door to let everyone else out didn't wake them if they were in a deep sleep.

And even so if you got out the drivers' side and the baby is in the back passenger side and perhaps there's a noisy road or factory nearby and he didn't have the thought in mind to check for a child then you might not hear anything especially if they didn't immediately scream - some children wake up more slowly.

We bought a new Toyota Corolla recently - if you’ve opened the back door at all, it reminds you to check the back seat when you’re leaving the car. It’s mildly annoying (we don’t have little kids or dogs now) but I’m glad it does it if it prevents one such tragedy.

Must be great to be perfect. Tragically its something that has happened in the past, predominantly in the US & as pp said its usually down to a change in childcare. Absolute tragic but how about waiting for the circumstances before potentially making it more than the absolute tragedy it already is

I remember the American chap. His car alarm kept going off and he kept switching it off from his office window. The baby had pulled out most of his hair 😰.

The article I read explained how it can happen a bit like a Swiss cheese where suddenly all the holes line up.

Its extremely common, people shouldnt judge. Remember Cameron left one of his children in a restaurant once as he forgot.

Devastating for the children who suffered and the parents who lose a child this way. Horrific.

DH did leave our dog in the boot of a car once. He used to take her to work with him. Change of routine, he was with a friend who dropped him home instead of walking home because they had been off site. Dog was settled down. Friend only realised when he got home and had to get something from the boot. If he hadn't, she could have been there all night. It is the change of routine and frighteningly easy to do.

I have come across many stories of people leaving prams outside places, from the days when people felt safe leaving babies unattended. And then not remembering until they got home and realise they only have their older child/ren with them. It is the same concept but with less tragic consequences.

I think there’s something quite specific about driving as well which is puts people into that auto pilot state.

Have you ever been planning to take a different route to normal - maybe you’ve got something to pick up on the way home from work - and you find that you’ve forgotten to make the turn off?

For me the reason these cases have stayed with me is precisely because it is so easy to imagine being in that situation. It’s the combination of such routine, mundane small mistake and such catastrophic consequences.

I would wager most people who drove to work this morning, cant remember one second of that journey, they're on auto pilot. I often arrive at a destination and cant remember the journey. One minute I was at work and the next minute Im home. Auto pilot.

And with menopause brain fog theres tons of things that are going wrong, putting things in cupboards or the fridge that dont belong there, no clue Ive done it.

Yes my Volvo had that technology over a decade ago. It has motion detectors inside the car and alarms if it senses interior movement when the car is closed.

You forget because the child being there is a change to routine and you've gone on autopilot and they are asleep when you get out of car.

What does the 'not buying it' PP think happened?

I read that original article years ago - I think it said that manufacturers wouldn't put the alarm in the car that would warn when this happens as no-one believes they would do it.

OMG that's so sad. I hadn't heard about it. Poor wee thing 😪

I wonder if child seats can come with some sort of alarm, so if the weight is still in the seat but the car isnt moving, the alarm can go off?

Not fool proof given traffic jams etc but something simple perhaps?

There was an argument that if it ever failed that car manufacturers could be held liable. Not sure what happened with that thought process.

Sleep deprived, change of normal routine.

I read this today and remember the time I left my dog in the boot of the car, it was normal temperature (uk) I’d driven him to the vet, came back home leaned over grabbed some shopping I’d picked up from the passenger seat, my son had come to the door to ask if I’d got him his smoothie, started chatting and went in the house.

About 5 minutes later the car alarm started going so I blipped it thinking stupid car, another 5 minutes and it went again.. it’s on a driveway as if this makes me feel better.

walked out and was like shit, shit shit.. there is my poor lovely dog happy to see me!!

Had the alarm not gone as I have other dogs it could have been longer for my brain to register there was a missing dig.

For me it was totally out of routine, the shopping threw me, I completely forgot he was there as he was quiet and laid down.

so in some small tiny way I can see how you can temporarily make a mistake, but 6 hours? I just dread to think how that family will cope with that.

Poor little boy.

Just based on that detail it sounds precisely like the most common scenario for these tragedies which is, as others have said, around arrangements for dropping a child at nursery and simply forgetting to do so, often because there has been a change to the normal routine.