Is this a generational thing or is it just my friendship circle [Content warning: mentions of suicide]

[Andoutcomethewolves]

YABU - it's just your friends
YANBU - this is normal for people of your age

Just been informed another friend of mine has committed suicide. That makes it four so far this year. Last year it was eight (suicides and ODs). One friend this year died of natural causes but he was only 30, he had a heart attack which I assume was caused in part by his long term heroin addiction. He'd actually got himself clean and I was so proud of him.

This isn't normal, is it? I'm just so desensitised I can't even shed a tear for my friend of over 20 years.

Does anyone else have a similar experience? I've lost at least two people every year since I was 17.

ETA - I'm 40 if that makes any odds

[Title edited by MNHQ to include content warning]

I had one close friend die from suicide, an uncle and an aunt. I also had 3 emails this year from work about colleagues who died from suicide. One of children's teachers sons also. A few friends of friends over the years too.

I live in a normal working class/middle class town. No drugs.

It's a big problem and it's truly awful. It's such a shocking way to lose somebody. Im very sorry.

Four people (to my knowledge) from my school year have died by suicide. I thought that was quite high. It’s very sad to hear of such high numbers in one friendship group.

In the US this would be more common. There is actually a millennial missing cohort due to opioid misuse, suicide and gun use. Thankfully we haven't had such issues in the UK.

Yes. Not necessarily heroin but certainly some form of drugs or alcohol.

I don't know how to get out of this situation. Our neighbour is a heroin addict and my husband goes round there every day. He says he doesn't do heroin but I don't know, I don't believe him.

I have the means to escape. Can anyone give me some encouragement? I feel so weak.

Can youvtrll me more about the guidelines and why? I'm interested in this topic I work in a similar but not so much sector.

That is massively disproportionate.

early death is much more common in drug users though, so if you have friends like that they are more likely to die young.

Well, appallingly, Traveller suicide rates are far higher than the population at large, so it makes sense that if your friends are Traveller, you’ll have been around far more suicides than someone of a different background.

I’m in Ireland but the suicide rate here is something like seven times higher for Traveller men, and not much less for women, compared to the population as a whole.

Im sorry, OP.

I know someone from uni who committed suicide in their mid-20's and a colleague in his late 40's/early 50's sort of age. That's all though. Late 40's.

I know a lot of people who have killed themselves or died because of drink/ drugs but that’s because drink and drugs and mh problems are a big problem in my community, mental illness runs in the family and a lot of the suicides were people I met through mh services.

YANBU my daughter is in her 40s and knows more people her age who have died than I do and I'm 70.

Edit: My husband has just retired from working in a hospital and says, anecdotally, they were seeing more people in their 40s with cancer than previously.

I'm so sorry OP.

But can I say to you what a strong woman you must be as you have risen above the lifestyle choices you are surrounded with. That is very rare.

How is your marriage and do you have kids? When I read your first post or two my overwhelming feeling was that you needed to move away from this social circle. I assumed you had drug using friends. I did this, it wasn't easy but I rebuilt an excellent and happy life.

But I see it's more complicated, it's your family and your community. Are you in a position to physically move away?

OP, depending on how this thread goes, you may find it helpful to post a new thread seeking advice on your specific situation (wanting encouragement to find a way out and concerns that your husband is using heroin). As it’s possible your thread will just have repetitive comments about the question posed in your opening post (whether it’s unusual to be surrounded by suicide). Please do keep posting until you get the help you need.

I am so sorry to hear, that is awful for 1 person but to hear of such a large number is truly awful.

As other posters have said this really isn't normal. I am only a few years younger than you and the only time I have heard of someone ending their life was extremely distant, work colleagues parents friend type distant.

I would be very very certain that the prevalent drug use and alcohol use in the community is a huge factor in the high rates.

I think if I was the only person I knew not taking hard drugs to the point of serious health issues I would definitely be looking at making a major life change and trying to move to a friendship group who have similar life values to me!

I think it probably does depend a bit on what risk factors your friends have but also to some extent on chance.

I'm 59. One close friend died very unexpectedly of natural causes when we were 18. After that, a few acquaintances have died over the years but it felt like there's been a real cluster of deaths in one loosely connected friendship group - 6 in the last 12 years or so - but that's actually quite spread out when you think about it and they were various different ages (from 20 to over 80) and backgrounds. All died of natural causes except for one who was about 50 and had an accident.

I don't know anyone well who has committed suicide. I know of friends-of-friends who have done but not that many. The last one I heard about was probably in her 70s. That is not to say I criticise anyone who does.

so you are absolutely right - you do need to escape. Recognition of that is great - so many women don’t get that escape is sometimes the only and best option

have you any specific concerns about that process? Violence ? Any addictions of your own?

There is the usual of what is the process, how will I support myself… womans aid and advice here will help with that

And the questions of am I strong enough to do this, do I deserve better - yes to both. Your life can and should be so much better

Do you have kids? If so please get yourself and them out as a matter of urgency this is not a healthy environment.

Try to find yourself a good therapist - one you can really trust but removed from this environment.

There is probably a lot of generational trauma in your “community” which is reflected in your experience. (In fact compared to other traveller groups it could in someways be seen as the central tenet or culture.)
if your job is public sector you could try to reach out to employ assistance or social diversity networks.

Yes, OP. If you’re not from a Traveller background my advice is different. Get yourself away.

I’m 40, sadly lost a lot of friends in last few years, mix of suicide, cancer and accidents. Been to way too many funerals.

My ds's 21 and 23 have lost several friends to suicide...prob 10 in all.
It isn't imo a coincidence they all attended the same secondary school
..

I’m really sorry you’ve lost so many friends, especially to suicide. I don’t know anyone that has died in that way.

I think you must be incredibly strong not to partake in what goes on around you OP.

There are a lot of people of Mumsnet who could really help with getting your ducks in a row to leave.

You deserve a peaceful life and it doesn’t sound possible where you are at the moment.

Am assuming drug use/addiction is prevalent in your circles? I dont know anyone who has died from an overdose. I am 40 and one friend commited suicide when we were early 30s.

Sorry for your losses.

Ah only read the first page so didnt see your updates. So sorry. Yes get out, it wont get any better. Any family you can go to?

Horrific. Do you have anyone to talk to?