HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

Ffs to everyone saying this isn’t a lewd remark 🙄. Of course it was a play on words. Why did he need to answer the q for her for a start?? The question wasn’t addressed to him, even if he were genuinely being @factual” (he wasn’t). it’s personal- about her body! And none of his business.
He clearly thought he was being funny and OP says he has form. Having said that, I can see how HR can’t prove it. Hopefully they gave him a talking to about not saying things that could be misconstrued and minding his own business in the future. Hopefully just the fact of being reported has taught him a lesson.

I didn't either at first but then I got it!

This has to be a joke 😅

Youre quite happy to have added to the workload of whoever had the misfortune of investigating this non issue, now whoever has to oversee the appeal, all over an off hand quip.

Do i think it was funny? No.
Do i think answering on your behalf was rude? Yes.
From the limited information youve given do i think this guy is probably a bit of a tool? Yes.

None of the above are and valid reasons to engage the grievance process. Using it so loosely like this is why actual, genuine sexual harrasment grievances are so rarely upheld.

If youre wise you wont push this further, but i would assume youre not

Running to HR every five minutes is the worst quality todays workforce has

Omg run to hr quick - man who thinks hes funny isnt funny!!

There'd be no bloody men left in the workforce as ive yet to meet a funny one.

Fucking hell.

@nomoretreats@RobinHumphries@FrodoTheBlueWhippet

Are you seriously saying you don’t see the innuendo?

OP told us, he has form for innuendo and inappropriate comments. There are lots of times when the actual words can seem innocuous but are loaded with another meaning and the intention is usually crystal clear when that happens. He could have said she was having her filler topped up, but he used the word pumped. OP is quite right in reporting - its this 'funny banter' that can cause such a hostile environment to women. Hopefully it will be a shot across his boughs to be more careful. I cant stand people like this.

Honestly an older bloke who doesn’t know anything about fillers probably does think of it as literally pumping up your lips. When I had my fillers done I said to the doctor I didn’t want to look like he’s taken a bicycle pump to my face.

Yeah ok, he has form for being really inappropriate. Creepy.

Agreed.

Its clearly upset you but I'm struggling to understand how HR could/would uphold that tbh because what he said was "factual" as it were and a natural sounding sentance - in context it reads as lipfillers...its very ambiguous at best

But you were getting your lips pumped with filler, so what did he say that was wrong?

Yeah I’m with HR here, it could be annoying but it wasn’t sexual…. Maybe this is an insecurity for you? I mean you are pumping your lips with filler

How can you possibly know the intent? You could have taken it the wrong way.

He may well be a creep, but think you might have read too much into this one

I’m failing to understand what you need a handhold for? Unless you’re embarrassed about making a fuss over nothing. HR have better things to do than police petty bickering.

and the way that he termed it is clear innuendo wordplay for for vaginal (lips) intercourse (pumped).

Is this a common meaning, my friend always says she is "getting her lips pumped up"!

Whaaaat? YABU for having a lip filler as they look awful and tacky. I must live under a rock as I have never heard of this term so if he had said that to me I'd have been none the wiser. Perhaps OP focus on the professional aspect at work and don't discuss cosmetic enhancements? Team HR here.

@RockNRoll25 Jesus Christ OP, you raised an HR complaint because someone made a factually-correct statement about something that was already widely known throughout the office.

You should have heard the stuff that people said to me, and about me, in the places where I have worked!

I'd rather think your colleague has cause for a grievance against you for discussing quite unpalatable procedures in the work place. If I were him, I'd put in a counter grievance. You'll have to watch you back now or look for a new job, as you'll never live it down, it will be gossiped about for a long time. I personally would feel grossed out if a. people at work pumped up their lips ( don't like looking at them as it looks like they are being abused) and b. discussed the procedure while I'm trying to work. Most off-putting.

I don't get the innuendo at all. It sounds a bit mean maybe...but nothing major to complain about. It's vaguely literal I suppose. I would perhaps keep stuff to myself if I didn't want comments.

I wouldnt say thats an innudendo at all. Sounds like youve seriously taken this out of context.

It's a bit of a stretch tbh.

What did you want from this OP? Black mark against him? Him to lose his job? Financial compensation?
I'm curious what you were hoping HR would do.

By handhold did you mean you wanted HR people on MN to give you advice to take this further?

I work in a very male dominated industry. If a grievance was raised for every man who thought he was funny but wasn’t the queue would be 50 deep a day.

Also OP you raised a grievance when informal methods have been attempted and failed. That didn’t happen. The OP just ran to HR. I despair at the current workforce sometimes.

The OP literally was getting her lips pumped up - with filler. Literally no one says 'she's getting her lips pumped' to mean sex. I'm with HR even if he is generally a dick.

In this occasion he stated a fact. If he said it in another ‘tone’ that is different, but you haven’t said that. Even if he did, I can’t see what HR can do with that comment apart from let him know that someone has complained. So hopefully he will think twice before making any dodgy comments