Page 17 | HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

RockNRoll25 · 2025-06-30T17:11:52+00:00

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response. Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

LittleBitofBread · 01/07/2025 10:01

Drivingmissrangey · 30/06/2025 19:43

Unfortunately you picked the wrong comment to take a stand against OP.

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I agree with this.
On its own the comment about your lip filler couldn't reasonably be taken as inappropriate, although I do think in the context of his overall behaviour it may well have been meant as innuendo.
Someone needs to take a stand the next time he says something that's clearly inappropriate. And/or keep a log of all the inappropriate things he says so you can show HR a pattern of behaviour.

Chiseltip · 01/07/2025 10:02

Supima · 01/07/2025 08:52

Ugh what a creep. I hope the investigation means he will realise people are on to him even if he kept it just ambiguous enough to persuade HR

How is he a creep?

The word "pumped" is literally used by the beauty industry in reference to lip fillers.

Ever spent time in a gym?

People go there to get "pumped"!

CJsGoldfish · 01/07/2025 10:03

thestudio · 30/06/2025 23:46

This is certified bollocks.

Comments like these are misogynist and create a hostile environment for female employees.

In this instance the innuendo is clear - this man is suggesting that your lips (mouth) or more likely your genital lips will be inflamed by sexual activity.

I'd advise you to go back to HR using these terms:

"John Smith's comment suggested that during my time off my lips or, more likely, my genital labia would be inflamed in a manner which calls to mind sexual activity.

There is a history of similar comments by John Smith.

Severally and in combination, these comments create a hostile environment for female employees.

In failing to address this complaint, [Company Name] are choosing to allow this hostile environment to continue. "

As a general rule, raising a formal grievance about things like this will definitely change the culture, because organisations are very wary of having a paper trail like this.

Please, destroy these motherfuckers.

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OMG! 😂.
Please dont do this OP

So when the OP was telling her colleagues all about what she was doing to her lips on her day off, she must have really blown their minds

Considering everybody, just EVERYBODY, knows what it means when you talk about lips 🙄

SunshineDeLaSoul · 01/07/2025 10:03

I think HR made the right call

Starlight1984 · 01/07/2025 10:04

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

😂No wonder it hasn't been taken any further! He literally just said the reason you had a booked a day off!!!

Jesus fucking Christ....

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 01/07/2025 10:05

prelovedusername · 01/07/2025 06:11

I’m shocked at how many people don’t see the potential for this as a sexual comment. It’s depressing actually, because when I was young women had to endure this stuff routinely and the reason it happens less is because people (women) bravely stood up against it. That doesn’t mean there aren’t still creeps who like to push their luck.

As a PP said, the way men talk about women when they think they are unheard is sobering. And that is in professional environments. I have never heard a man pull another one up for a crude or lascivious comment even if they wouldn’t make it themselves.

In this instance it would be difficult to prove but I would expect HR to ask around to see if anyone else felt the same about the comment in the context it was made.

edited for typo

Edited

Potential doesn't mean absolute, which others are claiming.

The reason HR rejected it is because they couldn't argue that he meant a different thing to everyday language.

As many have said, lips are just lips to most people. Jumping to vagina when someone says lips, especially when discussing lips being injected/pumped is a stretch.

PastyPasty · 01/07/2025 10:06

Starlight1984 · 01/07/2025 10:04

😂No wonder it hasn't been taken any further! He literally just said the reason you had a booked a day off!!!

Jesus fucking Christ....

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😂

Yes, even MN Massif couldn’t get worked up about this one 😂

fiddyfence · 01/07/2025 10:09

pictoosh · 01/07/2025 09:40

I don't think it was meant with sexual overtures either.
I think he was simply stating that you were getting your lips done...and they do get 'pumped up'. I might describe it that way myself tbh as I have a couple of colleagues who have this procedure done. It's the sort of thing I would say about it.

It's not sexual harassment by my standards.

The male colleague has good reason to raise a grievance against op. What she is doing is borderline bullying.

She has zero proof that he meant it as a sexual comment. In fact based on this thread many, many of us wouldn't have put 2 and 2 together. So the OP drawing her sexual dirty minded conclusion says a lot about her and not in a good way.

If the man indeed never had any sexual intent or thought, and yet OP treats his innocent comment as sexual harassment and involves HR to discuss it as a sexual issue, she’s effectively dragging him into a sexual context he never agreed to or even anticipated.

She is sexualising an innocent interaction, which is actually sexual harassment from OP, because she’s imposing a sexual framework on him, forcing him into conversations and processes centred around sexual misconduct (and her pumped up lips).

It all reflects very badly on OP.

New2you · 01/07/2025 10:10

LittlleMy · 30/06/2025 18:27

The fact the colleague has form for this and answered on behalf of OP even though Q was not directed at him so he must have been pretty fast and so desperate to reply and the way that he termed it is clear innuendo wordplay for for vaginal (lips) intercourse (pumped).

However, yes technically that it was OP was having done but in the context of how it was said you can see why OP had an issue with it.

But I also see HR pov and he could argue nothing was meant by it so it’s difficult to be shocked by the outcome because of that.

Edited

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This is the most unhinged reply I’ve seen in a while. What a stretch!

blackpooolrock · 01/07/2025 10:11

RampantIvy · 01/07/2025 09:14

We must move in different circles. People I know and associate with just don't talk like that.

I'm surprised that you think everyone does, especially as a significant number of posters also don't either.

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hahaha... many many people i know wouldn't and don't talk like that but it's very common slang in Scotland. i'm sure most adults have heard the expression pumped and dumped.

Kwean · 01/07/2025 10:14

PaterPower · 30/06/2025 18:24

Maybe it was the way he said it but, on the face of it, it’s a stretch to see sexual innuendo in “getting her lips pumped”

I agree - its not gender specific.

I know men who have lip filler and other aesthetic procedures.

How did this impact you in the work place?

Arran2024 · 01/07/2025 10:15

People are talking about adding in the attitude of the man who made the comment. But what about OP's attitude? We have no info on that. I can't imagine sharing that i was having my lips filled at work. Cosmetic surgery isn't neutral. It's trying to recreate the flush of youth, often for sexual reasons. Did the OP make the comment in a way that smacked of innuendo? We just don't know. But if I was telling people I was having my lips filled, imo it's opening the doors to unwanted comments. It's naive imo to put this out there in the first place.

Pandersmum · 01/07/2025 10:21

Pandersmum · 30/06/2025 20:40

I’m sorry you are upset OP.

Is the male colleague ND?

I have a colleague who left to his own devices has no filter with his language and has made inappropriate comments in the past as he doesn’t fully understand what he is saying or how it could misinterpreted.

We work hard to keep his comments appropriate (and we also have a duty of care to support him in the workplace and to make the necessary reasonable adjustments to support him in the workplace). He can do the job we need him to do just fine. He just doesn’t think sometimes before opening his mouth.

Honestly it’s a nightmare managing teams in todays workplace.

Bump to my comment above.

If the male colleague concerned had declared a ND condition that he wished to be known only to the HR department and one of his declared conditions was a lack of filter when it came interactive verbal speech, there would be very little the HR department could do other than remind him that this was felt by the recipient that the comment was inappropriate, record it and keep speaking to him about what is acceptable. (HR professionals please correct me if this is not correct).

With so many people now declaring ND conditions and employers legally expected to make allowances and support them in the workplace and with employers legally expected to protect their employees from unwanted comments / employees feeling sexually verbally attacked it is going to be very, very difficult going forward for Businesses /HR departments.

ArabellaScott · 01/07/2025 10:24

blackpooolrock · 01/07/2025 10:11

hahaha... many many people i know wouldn't and don't talk like that but it's very common slang in Scotland. i'm sure most adults have heard the expression pumped and dumped.

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I thought pumping and dumping was about expressing breastmilk, only context I've ever heard it in!

Loub1987 · 01/07/2025 10:24

It took several posters explanations for me to understand how it could possibly be a lewd comment.

I am not suprised HR did not uphold this. Even if it was meant as innuendo (which I doubt), how could any action be taken? He made a statement of fact and you interpreted it as innuendo.

ArabellaScott · 01/07/2025 10:25

Pandersmum · 01/07/2025 10:21

Bump to my comment above.

If the male colleague concerned had declared a ND condition that he wished to be known only to the HR department and one of his declared conditions was a lack of filter when it came interactive verbal speech, there would be very little the HR department could do other than remind him that this was felt by the recipient that the comment was inappropriate, record it and keep speaking to him about what is acceptable. (HR professionals please correct me if this is not correct).

With so many people now declaring ND conditions and employers legally expected to make allowances and support them in the workplace and with employers legally expected to protect their employees from unwanted comments / employees feeling sexually verbally attacked it is going to be very, very difficult going forward for Businesses /HR departments.

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Yes. Some would say entirely impossible.

AnonymousBleep · 01/07/2025 10:26

Agree that it was a sexually harrassing comment. Personally I'd have told him to stop being so grim rather than reported to HR, but I think it's fair enough to have done so.

How has he behaved to you since then? I wouldn't let his behaviour drive you out of the company if you're otherwise happy in the role.

AnonymousBleep · 01/07/2025 10:28

New2you · 01/07/2025 10:10

This is the most unhinged reply I’ve seen in a while. What a stretch!

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It's not a stretch. That clearly was the innuendo he was making.

Disappointing that on a women's website, women are so quick to attack the OP because apparently the comment was absolutely fine (and because clearly some people have a problem with women getting lip filler). I'm just surprised nobody's called her a woke snowflake yet.

marbledliving · 01/07/2025 10:30

It was ambiguous enough in meaning that HR could not take any action.

I agree with PP that this was not the right comment to use to expose this man's alleged behaviour.

ThreeLocusts · 01/07/2025 10:32

Weird thread this, OP - quite extreme reactions from wanting you to explain the possible sexual undertones of the comment graphically to HR, to accusing you of bullying. Probably not too helpful for you...

I think the PP who said you 'picked the wrong comment' to complain about has a point. But given that this colleague had form, it's also understandable that you finally responded to one of the long line of comments.

Don't let it drive you out of the company or (unless creepy colleague gets too much) out of the team. Hold your head high; it may have been the wrong moment to raise the issue but it's an issue that needed raising.

blackpooolrock · 01/07/2025 10:34

ArabellaScott · 01/07/2025 10:24

I thought pumping and dumping was about expressing breastmilk, only context I've ever heard it in!

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I've never heard the expression pumped and dumped used for breastmilk.

I understand pumped and dumped as being shagged and then ghosted/ignored.

New2you · 01/07/2025 10:35

AnonymousBleep · 01/07/2025 10:28

It's not a stretch. That clearly was the innuendo he was making.

Disappointing that on a women's website, women are so quick to attack the OP because apparently the comment was absolutely fine (and because clearly some people have a problem with women getting lip filler). I'm just surprised nobody's called her a woke snowflake yet.

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Imagine if he countered with “well she said she was getting her lips (vaginal) filled (insert whatever filling method here you like)”

It’s ridiculous to take words used in a dictionary which have explicit meanings and turn them into something inappropriate in your own internal interpretation.

New2you · 01/07/2025 10:40

blackpooolrock · 01/07/2025 10:34

I've never heard the expression pumped and dumped used for breastmilk.

I understand pumped and dumped as being shagged and then ghosted/ignored.

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Vice versa here, I’ve never heard it used in the context of what you are saying only breast milk.

Which further evidences why internal interpretation is flawed. Everyone has their own view and it’s very difficult to prove intent when actually maybe there isn’t any.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/07/2025 10:44

Crumpet727 · 30/06/2025 18:24

I’m not sure I see anything wrong with what he said. I’m not surprised HR has taken no further action.

Same. Unless getting your lips ‘pumped’ has some meaning I have yet to understand.

ArabellaScott · 01/07/2025 10:44

New2you · 01/07/2025 10:40

Vice versa here, I’ve never heard it used in the context of what you are saying only breast milk.

Which further evidences why internal interpretation is flawed. Everyone has their own view and it’s very difficult to prove intent when actually maybe there isn’t any.

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Yes, and according to Wiki it's meaning is to do with a type of security fraud.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pump_and_dump

Pump and dump - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pump_and_dump