HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

Exactly.

The KGB would have wet themselves over such a piece of legislation.

It literally means ANYTHING can be twisted to mean sexual harassment.

I saw nothing wrong with that comment either, so I’m with HR on this one. I don’t think that was sexual harassment.

And it was a bit of an over reaction to raise a grievance about it, let alone try and move teams! If it really is a common thing and he does make actually inappropriate comments on a regular basis then I’d understand it, but I also honestly think people go through life choosing to find things to be offended about these days, and I don’t really understand why…

me neither she literally was getting her lips pumped....

I wouldn’t quit for it but it was certainly a malicious sexual comment and glad you complained to HR. Hopefully he will stop; otherwise keep pulling him on these sort of comments

If is difficult to prove by HR but according to the other sexual comment he made to the other colleague this was certainly meant vaginal lips.

Surprised many people don’t see ir or make anything of it.

He is not sexually harassing you but these comments are rude and unnecessary.

Ugh what a creep. I hope the investigation means he will realise people are on to him even if he kept it just ambiguous enough to persuade HR

Just wondering, OP, what were you expecting to happen?
HR have investigated, they’ve spoken to him, he has explained himself (and has probably had a shock in realising how your mind has taken his words to a dark place).

He should be more careful with his words in future, especially around you, so you have a win-win situation.

Did you expect him to be “punished”, if it wasn’t meant in a sexual way? If so, you come across as vindictive and childish TBH, especially since so many others, me included, needed the sexual “nature” of the comment explaining.

Surprised many people don’t see ir or make anything of it.

Because not everyone automatically thinks that way. I'm surprised you don't see that either TBH.

Clearly, everyone's minds work differently.

He sounds a bit too clever to get caught out crossing a line. I understand that after a lot of jokes this might have seemed wrong, depending on his delivery but I would a) not tell anyone about private procedures you're having and b) just ignore him.

What you've done is now possibly a mark against you in the HR books.

There is a sexual connotation there. I can't believe so many people don't see it but given most people don't see it i guess that's how HR have taken it.

pumped/pump is common slang for sex e.g. pumped and dumped, she's getting pumped tonight, im gonna pump yer maw etc. There is no words for how cringe worthy this is. If anyone said that to you IRL you would run a mile.

lips as in fanny...

How is ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’ maliciously sexual ? And is OP sure he didn’t say ‘plumped’ ? These laws were made to protect people at work from actual sexual harassment, not as a stick with which to beat colleagues you don’t like, or find irritating. The worst the man did was answer a question not directed at him. Maybe he has said inappropriate things to others but that’s up to them to report if/when he is being offensive. I wouldn’t have gone to HR with this, it smacks of over sensitivity and looking to be offended, and l think they made the right call.

We must move in different circles. People I know and associate with just don't talk like that.

I'm surprised that you think everyone does, especially as a significant number of posters also don't either.

If you pump yourself up for something, you prepare yourself for it mentally, especially by telling yourself that you can succeed.

Definition of pumped-up from Collins Dictionary. Not ghastly at all. The wonderful thing about English is that it's so flexible.

I'm with all the posters who think that you can read 'having her lips pumped' several different ways, with the sexual connotation being quite far down the list. There has to be unambiguous evidence and this is very ambiguous. With a bit of luck he'll watch his behaviour from now on, but otherwise you'll need to wait for him to say something really unambiguously sexist and offensive.

Also agree with the posters who've said that no one can expect to get through office life or life generally without occasional offence. The price of freedom of speech is having to put up with people we don't like saying things we don't like.

Yes I agree, it could be taken that way. But it would entirely depend on the tone he used when he said that. As a stand alone comment without a wink wink / nudge nudge, it's fairly inocccuous.

It wasn’t his only comment. It’s part of a pattern of behaviour, tolerated by his colleagues and boss.

He was rude, but that is not sexual, why do you think it is sexual??

It is quite an accurate description of what you were having done...but rude, he shouldn't have said it.

It is hard to prove.
IME, don't share personal information about your cosmetic procedures with colleagues, keep your business to yourself and you won't receive a mocking response.

I don't see the need for the complaint it a common phrase used for that procedure you sound bot sensitive

I don't think it was meant with sexual overtures either.
I think he was simply stating that you were getting your lips done...and they do get 'pumped up'. I might describe it that way myself tbh as I have a couple of colleagues who have this procedure done. It's the sort of thing I would say about it.

It's not sexual harassment by my standards.

Why are people even debating his motivation when they didn't hear how he said it? I think its clearly open to interpretation, based on tone and based on previous comments.

That isn't really what matters.

What matters is that OP's grievance was dismissed, she feels ignored and wonders if she should change jobs now.

Probably, I'd change jobs.

I had a boss who called me Fuckface back in the 90s. I got out of there as soon as I could.

What he said to your colleague was obviously sexual, but what he said to you was not obviously sexual. I don’t think you have helped your cause by complaining about this. You or your colleague should have complained about the definitely sexual or inappropriate comments. I’d worry that now, you’d just look like you have some axe to grind with him. Maybe going forward you should make a list and ask someone objective to say which comments sound (to someone who wasn’t there) like they are definitely sexual or inappropriate and go to HR with that.

I think it says much more about you and the way your mind works than it says about him. Poor guy, I'm surprised he didn't report you!

But she was the one who raised it. It is a procedure associated with a porn star look - puffing out your lips is not neutral. It should never have been referred to in a professional environment. The two of them are as bad as each other. She put it out there and he retorted. It's a bad show but she should keep her cosmetic surgery plans to herself if she doesn't want to encourage banter.

This in spades!!

Strange how people want to present thwor opinions as facts. Unless you were a mind reader, there's the benefit of doubt.

Beyond reasonable doubt isn't the case here. Despite his history.

Most of us, including kids have said something innocently without thinking where it could be interpreted in a sexual way.

A known joker can come up with a great joke unintentionally, but would be credited as being clever seeing as jokes are his/her thing.

Sometimes words fall out and sometimes people are clever to cover their tracks, could be either..

OP having shared personal information with colleagues isn’t similar or equivalent to and doesn’t justify her colleague making a sexual innuendo.