HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

HR made the right decision.

He could have meant it as a sexual innuendo, but you can't prove it.

He didnt say "she is going to have sex"

What he said is accurate to what you were doing

Choose one of his comments to report, that he can't deny is a sexual comment. Not this one.

There is no potential for sexual comment - it doesn’t meet the definition of sexual harassment however hard you try. And that’s the point. You can’t just ‘ask around’ to try to make it fit - which is why HR have dismissed it.

I think if he had said 'the surgeon is going to pump her lips' then that would have been a bit more suggestive.

He's the oldest member of the team and you think his age should mean he behaves differently to others - can he complain about age discrimination on that basis? I think you have discussed personnal business openly at work and someone probably judged you on it - did the lips mean lip or vaginal lips, we'll never know - it wasn't the first thing I thought of. I assume he'll avoid speaking to you again on such matters - you'd be best to do the same.
@TempyBrennan sorry I didn't mean to quote you and I can't delete it now.

I can understand if he has made a long line of sexual innuendos how, "getting your lips pumped", could be interpreted as a sexual innuendo.

However, it's not one that could be proven.

Choose one next time where there can be no mistake what he meant.

How do you know this was innuendo ? Were you there ? Because that’s the only way to know for sure, so that you have context. As a stand alone comment l think it says more about someone who would jump straight to sexual innuendo when the subject is lip filler - he described exactly what happens. And that MN is predominantly a woman’s website is irrelevant. The fact is that most posters didn’t see the connection because it’s a leap. The law on sexual harassment exists to prevent workplace colleagues from actual harassment, not imagined slights they’ve pretzeled themselves into making.

I think youre being a bit silly here.
He describes what you said you were doing. You took it in a certain way. Maybe he was being crude but maybe he wasnt.
Big pumped lips do look very sexually suggestive though, like a fake boob cleavage on your face.

I think that’s quite the reach to be honest.

It took me a few minutes to work out what the innuendo would be to be honest. It's not an uncommon way to describe lip filler.

Would it?

Maybe it would is your misogynistic assumption that surgeon's are always male?

Wow, serious overreaction on your part. You've made yourself look unprofessional and really rather foolish. If you're going to have your lips filled, then what do you expect people to say?! It sounds as if you've let your dislike of this man cloud your judgement.

He didn't say 'getting pumped'. He said 'getting HER LIPS pumped'. One is sexual, the other is factual. I'm not surprised that HR threw this one out.

How was it 'obviously a malicious sexual comment'? There is nothing obvious about it, it was a statement of fact.

If OP is in Scotland it was definitely sexual and inappropriate.

HR departments really have their work cut out these days don’t they. 😐

Huh? But that is literally what we're doing? I'm not surprised the grievance was not upheld. I am embarrassed for you, op!

Its possible he also meant plumped, which is an industry term used in advertising.

At work once, one of the older guys came in and said 'just what I have seen, a sign for a brazillian blow dry at the salon downstairs' he was shocked and horrified at this sign as he had assumed the only 'brazillian' was a style of pubic hair... and we had a great laugh explaining to him the difference between brazillian wax and brazillian blow dry.

It was the type of work environment where there wad a lot of friendly banter and a close knit group so it wasn't weird. Just very, very funny 😂

Why? He didn’t say she was “getting pumped”.

That poster makes no reference whatsoever to the sex of the hypothetical surgeon.

I didn't say the surgeon was male, Maybe you've missed that the whole post is about MALE sexism?

You didnt have to - it was unconsciously implied/assumed. Happy to concede I have missed something if you can explain how an imaginary female surgeon would be offensive?

Exactly - its PP who is extrapolating.

The point is that OP is saying that her male colleague is saying OP is going to get her lips pumped (presumably by a male surgeon if as you say, a female surgeon would be harmless).

So why are you levelling an accusation of misogyny at me simply for addressing OP's assessment?

I believe Arabella is referring to me, so not sure who you think is extrapolating.

Maybe OP is Scottish so took it as a sexual slur but the colleague is English and didnt know that.