HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

Let's hope he isn't reading this thread. Could be straight to HR saying op is consulting MN to continue or escalate the grievance despite the case being closed.

Given the range of responses from ‘how is that even an innuendo?’’ to ‘it’s so obviously an innuendo’ it’s clear this was not a clear-cut case. For this reason I’m not surprised that HR dismissed your complaint. It must be upsetting for you op but I think you need to move on from this one, giving this man a polite but wide berth going forward. You clearly dislike him for other things he’s said to other women on previous occasions but that in itself wouldn’t strengthen your own complaint. HR probably looked at your complaint on its is own merit and concluded it was too ambiguous to take things further.

I have heard pump used in a sexual way. I have USED pump in a sexual way. If I said to DH during sex “pump my lips” he would he stop and ask wtf I meant. If I said “pump me” then he would understand. It doesn’t mean anything.

If he wanted to make an innuendo, he could’ve said “she’s getting pumped”, also true but a play on words as you don’t automatically assume that to mean filler.

This guy might be awful, he may continuously make terrible comments - but there has to be some defence of free speech when he uses what is a provably common phrase to describe what the OP was doing.

I have no doubt he was trying to belittle her with the comment and mock the fact she was getting filler. It just wasn’t sexual. Or it was such a stretch to see it was sexual (as HR have found), any reasonable person wouldn’t have read into it.

We’re getting terribly and terrifyingly close to not being able to offend anyone. If you feel offended, that’s your problem not the person speaking. This one comment cannot on its own constitute harassment in anyone’s mind.

The one to your colleague was definitely inappropriate. But if she doesn’t want to complain, there’s nothing you can do.

you did get your lips pumped / plumped. That’s fairly factual. I absolutely understand that it seems inappropriate in the context of other remarks but the one you chose to complain about seems fairly benign to me personally….

I hope he’ll be more careful in the future!

I literally can't see what's the deal here, I actually would have said the same. You took a day off to pump your lips up. Scary to work with people who overreact like this.

If you try hard enough you can make almost anyhting into innuendo! Most posters didn’t read anything into his choice of words, and treating it as innuendo is a stretch.

I only “got it” when I read the words a second time in the context of trying to find a double meaning. Even then, it’s a stretch, as the innuendo doesn’t really make any sense… vaginal lips themselves aren’t “pumped” during your intercourse are they?

On what planet "pump your lips" means anything sexual? Are we speaking the same language

What is wrong with what he said? You were getting a lip filler and you had shared that with the guys in the office.
Maybe the way he said it was annoying, but.... the comment itself, within this context, does not sound sexualised to me.

"Hard enough"

"Got it"

"It's a stretch"

I'm going to report your post for you filthy pervert.

You’re going to “report” my “post”… You dirty pervert! 😮

HR can only act in relation to the complaints brought to them. If he is a notorious low-level sex pest but no-one is making complaints, then it cannot, on the first complaint, make a finding or impose a penalty that is out of all proportion to the alleged infraction. Similarly, if his behaviour is not bring brought up by his manager formally or as part of a regular performance review process, it is likewise harder for HR to act.

So in your case, a lot turns on whether you are the first person to give notice of his behaviour or the most recent in a long list. If it is the former, and you complained about one single comment that can plausibly be explained as unfortunate but technically accurate, then it is possible that HR have dismissed the complaint but warned him to take care with his language.

I cannot answer about whether you should ask to be moved teams or find another job, because this is a decision only you can make. But I know exactly the sort of old bloke banter you're talking about, and I can imagine that working with someone constantly making such remarks may be extremely unsettling.

My one piece of advice is that if you do need to bring up his behaviour again (whether as part of a complaint or to support your request to move teams), it sounds like you need more examples. So I would be privately and discretely keeping a written record of examples. If there is anyone else in your team that shares your view, it would also strengthen your position if any complaint is made jointly or by a group.

Are you in Scotland OP? Because "getting pumped" is definitely sexual innuendo here. 😳

Are you due your period 🤔? I'm usually oversensitive when I'm coming on. Poor choice of words on his part, but nothing outwardly offensive. HR made the right decision.

I have no doubt he was trying to belittle her with the comment and mock the fact she was getting filler. It just wasn’t sexual. Or it was such a stretch to see it was sexual (as HR have found), any reasonable person wouldn’t have read into it

I don't think it was sexual. It may well have been mocking - maybe he just thinks women who have pneumatic lips look unattractive - not a view to express in the workplace but there again if you advertise the fact you're having it done, maybe you have to expect and accept comments.

The OP needs to move on, give this chap as wide a berth as she can in future and consider what she shares with colleagues in future.

It seems to mean excited in other parts of the UK - I see people saying they are pumped for an event.

Quite ghastly use of language.

Haven't read the whole thread so not sure if someone mentioned this already but OP could have complained about the remarks to her colleague. People CAN complain about something even if it's not directed at them. The definition of harassment is that it needs to create a hostile intimidating etc atmosphere - if OP felt that about the far more explicit remarks about her colleague complaining about those remarks might have had a better chance of success.

Same here. I must be incredibly naive then.

To be fair he sounds rather crass, and he will, hopefully, have his card marked. Unfortunately, I also think the OP's card will be marked for going to HR with something they consider trivial.

What really needs to happen is for this oaf to be challenged every time he makes a sexist remark.

I'm afraid if I had any of these obvious procedures intended to make myself sexually alluring, like a boob job, lip filler etc, then the comments would have to be more dodgy than that to cause me to create problems for a colleague with HR. I would feel I had moved the context somewhat and would have to accept that others might also change how they viewed or responded to me.

How can you possibly conclude that giving a description of her procedure is somehow sexual?

The OP was getting her lips pumped up with filler.

People go to gym to "get pumped".

Wow!

How toxic are you!

So you think that women who get lip filler are doing it for some sexual reason?

Nope, YOU are.the one making the connection to genitalia.

YOU are the one being inappropriate.

Legislation makes it very clear that intent isn’t necessary for sexual harassment to exist

Is this true?

No, there is a sign outside a beauty therapist in town that quite literally says "get your pump". It is referring to a lip filler discount.

The man said NOTHING wrong.

Somewhere, some men's rights group will be quoting this as an example of why you should never talk to women in the workplace.

Had a look at ACAS.

'To be sexual harassment, the unwanted behaviour must have either:

violated someone's dignity
created an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for someone
It can be sexual harassment if the behaviour:

has one of these effects even if it was not intended'

That seems a wide net. Someone can unintentionally create an 'offensive' environment and get done for harassment.