Page 12 | HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

RockNRoll25 · 2025-06-30T17:11:52+00:00

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response. Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

Swirlythingy2025 · 30/06/2025 22:43

TesChique · 30/06/2025 22:41

Hr does not exist to sort petty squabbles.

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true they exist to protect the company and not the workers.
but that said it seems the workers behaviour to come under as criticism of others work and by extension a form of bullying according to acas, ?

andherewegoagainonmyown · 30/06/2025 22:56

You overreacted

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 30/06/2025 22:57

Yeah I think you’re overreacting as he literally said what you were having done!

AllThisBatshitteryAndMore · 30/06/2025 23:02

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

Doesn't sound inappropriate though? Did he say it in a lavicious way?

Byebyechicken · 30/06/2025 23:04

What would you have preferred he said?
Getting your lips filled? That has the same feel about it as getting your lips pumped.
If you'd have preferred him to say nothing, why discuss the subject at work at all?

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/06/2025 23:07

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

I don't think that's sexual at all.

Sounds like a malapropism - He probably meant to say "getting lips pLumped"

Theroadt · 30/06/2025 23:11

Crumpet727 · 30/06/2025 18:24

I’m not sure I see anything wrong with what he said. I’m not surprised HR has taken no further action.

This. Honestly I can’t see how it was “sexual”

BastardesEverywhere · 30/06/2025 23:11

😂

Oh op. You've made a right tit of yourself. I can't actually believe you submitted an official complaint over it 🙈

I bet HR had a proper chuckle too...of COURSE they were not going to uphold your complaint, it's barmy.

Theresabookinme · 30/06/2025 23:11

CJsGoldfish · 30/06/2025 22:19

My mind is far from innocent, especially having worked for far too many years at a time when women had no real recourse to sexual innuendo and harassment, which was rife.
I'm usually all over sexual innuendo but I simply did not understand the issue here. I did not immediately think 'lips' = labia. I was trying to figure out how it was sexual and all I came up with was maybe it was something to do with a blow job 🤷‍♀️
I, and those I know have always referred to fillers as being 'pumped'. I thought OP went to HR because he was rude by jumping in and sneering at her having her lips injected. Or 'pumped' which I've heard more often these days as "pumped full of adrenaline" Or "pumped full of hormones" which refers to having something injected.
People judge pumped up lips. On the face. All the time. So it is not immediately obvious, and for some, it's a stretch to apply anything other than injecting whatever it is they inject to make puffy lips.

One grievance to HR over one comment that isn't obviously anything other than a mean judgement isn't going to be upheld. Especially if no one else has complained and there is no documented pattern of sexual harassment

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But just because you didn’t understand the innuendo doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. I don’t get why people aren’t comprehending that.

Lots of people on this thread have agreed with OP that it sounds like a potentially creepy comment, so it’s fair to say some people would find this creepy.

also- the policy in my workplace is that an individual can still be guilty of making someone uncomfortable, bullied, Intimidated or discriminated against even if it isn’t intentional.

there is room for there to have been a misunderstanding, but for a claim to be upheld.

usually, it results in a warning to the ‘perpetrator’ being given a warning.

i agree that in OP’s case, it’s difficult to say he is guilty of making inappropriate remarks, but it doesn’t mean he is innocent.

Negroany · 30/06/2025 23:12

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

Well, I have no idea how you think that's an innuendo. It's a bit offhand, dismissive, but it's not a double entendre or sexual at all.

Negroany · 30/06/2025 23:15

Swirlythingy2025 · 30/06/2025 22:38

quick hr question please if possible?

if your in a team say 6 workers all same level doing same work at a warehouse but you get one that wants to act as boss even though they are not the boss and have not been told they are the boss etc and are basically telling different members of the team what to do or when not to talk or be faster etc even though they do not need to, as they are effectively bossing others about what from a hr perspective would that fall under if others went to hr about that worker ?

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Possibly harassment.

Tiswa · 30/06/2025 23:18

But it doesn’t mean it was either and I think in this situation there is a factual meaning, one which is in common circulation and whose meaning cannot be argued. That is lips getting pumped is one way of saying that the OP was having her lips filled which (and this is crucial) she was. That is an objective opinion.

now whether or not there was a subtext, a smutty innuendo or a double entendre is subjective. I can see there might be and I can see there might not be. But there is no way to prove that.

now had she not being having lip filler bad either way

saraclara · 30/06/2025 23:21

I didn't get it either. And I've definitely heard having lip filler described as having lips pumped, without any innuendo at all (in the media).

So yes, if he has form, you should have waited until he said something more clearly 'off' if you wanted HR to take it seriously.

Fauxligarchy · 30/06/2025 23:23

PaterPower · 30/06/2025 18:24

Maybe it was the way he said it but, on the face of it, it’s a stretch to see sexual innuendo in “getting her lips pumped”

Not if you are Scottish

LillyPJ · 30/06/2025 23:26

I don't see how him saying you're getting your 'lips pumped' is either inaccurate or sexual. You say it was innuendo but it seems to me that you've gone out of your way to see innuendo hen there wasn't any. It's just a snarky comment.

LillyPJ · 30/06/2025 23:33

BunnyVV · 30/06/2025 19:21

I can’t believe everyone here who doesn’t understand. Nobody refers to lip filler as getting lips pumped. Nobody.
nobody has a right to answer a question intended for someone else.
the fact he did interrupt and ensure he answered first shows he knew his intention was for everyone to hear the innuendo.
the only reference I know to pumped is sexual. The common word for facial lips is filled and nothing else.
this man intentionally used the word pumped. And he interrupted as he wanted everyone to hear.
HR have a duty to protect you from sexual harassment.

Nobody? You are entirely wrong there! I've probably used the phrase myself and I certainly didn't mean anything sexual. I'd just take it that he meant they looked pumped up (like tyres) when they've been done.

dottydaily · 30/06/2025 23:36

I don't see a problem with what he actually said.perhaps tone and body language was suggestive..

Velmy · 30/06/2025 23:37

AgingLikeGazpacho · 30/06/2025 22:07

Pulling people up in the moment is far more effective than involving HR immediately. Or at least having a direct conversation with the person to tell them that their comments aren't appreciated. I get that it's awkward, but best to deal with things like adults rather than roping management in without trying to go down diplomatic routes first.

(Spoken as a woman who has dealt with similar and worse in the workplace and has managed to resolve the issues herself each time)

Pulling people up in the moment is far more effective than involving HR immediately.

This. A simple "What do you mean Bob?" would have stopped him in his tracks. He's hardly going to stand there and admit he was talking about you getting your flaps rattled, and if he says he was talking about your filler, you hit him with "Please don't make comments about my appearance."

You say he has form. Have other people gone to HR about him? Obviously if there's a pattern of behavior they should be addressing it, even informally if it's not reaching the bar for disciplinary action. "Please be mindful of your language around colleagues, as its bordering on a breach of our COC" sort of thing.

I absolutely wouldn't have actioned this in and of itself. Even with the low burden of proof required, I think most reasonable people would have understood it to have more likely than not been a (admittedly unwanted) comment about your filler, which you have discussed openly around colleagues. I certainly would have suggested he keep such comments to himself in future regardless. I would have arranged a quick face to face so that he could apologize, if that was something you wanted.

Is it possible OP - given that you see this man as a 'creep' - you are reading the absolute worst into the jokes/comments he makes? He may have been absolutely mortified to hear that you interpreted it that way.

Or, he might have meant it.

Driftingawaynow · 30/06/2025 23:40

Does no one else find the extent of this pile on bewildering? Op has clearly withdrawn, she’s probably having a bit of a bad time and wishing she hadn’t made the complaint I would imagine. Why do people feel the need to continue to add their opinions? Don’t get it.

SandersNilestrom · 30/06/2025 23:44

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

Sorry Op, but he did not make an inappropriate comment at all. It is exactly what you had done and I would likewise use the same phrasing. Yes, you got your lips pumped. I'm more worried that you thought it would be sexual. Porn culture has infiltrated younger society and it deeply concerns me.

MadameTwoSwords · 30/06/2025 23:44

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

Are you serious, is that it? Get a grip.

(And lip filler is tacky AF, btw)

SandersNilestrom · 30/06/2025 23:45

Driftingawaynow · 30/06/2025 23:40

Does no one else find the extent of this pile on bewildering? Op has clearly withdrawn, she’s probably having a bit of a bad time and wishing she hadn’t made the complaint I would imagine. Why do people feel the need to continue to add their opinions? Don’t get it.

Adding comments is not just for the Op but for readers in general. Who made you the arbiter?

thestudio · 30/06/2025 23:46

RunningBlueFox · 30/06/2025 18:50

A formal grievance is the nuclear option you take when you have exhausted all other ways of resolution. You completely overreacted. First thing you should have done is speak to your manager and say you are very unhappy with what he said. If you don't have a good relationship with your manager you could speak to another manager, call HR or speak to your union rep. You are going to get a terrible reputation using a formal grievance for something like this.

This is certified bollocks.

Comments like these are misogynist and create a hostile environment for female employees.

In this instance the innuendo is clear - this man is suggesting that your lips (mouth) or more likely your genital lips will be inflamed by sexual activity.

I'd advise you to go back to HR using these terms:

"John Smith's comment suggested that during my time off my lips or, more likely, my genital labia would be inflamed in a manner which calls to mind sexual activity.

There is a history of similar comments by John Smith.

Severally and in combination, these comments create a hostile environment for female employees.

In failing to address this complaint, [Company Name] are choosing to allow this hostile environment to continue. "

As a general rule, raising a formal grievance about things like this will definitely change the culture, because organisations are very wary of having a paper trail like this.

Please, destroy these motherfuckers.

SandersNilestrom · 30/06/2025 23:48

MadameTwoSwords · 30/06/2025 23:44

Are you serious, is that it? Get a grip.

(And lip filler is tacky AF, btw)

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The whole lip pumping / filler "fashion" is dreadful. I don' know anyone personally who has had it done but I've seen it here far too often and they look like they've been stung by a wasp.

GinAndJuice99 · 30/06/2025 23:50

All the people saying he didn't mean it as an innuendo are wrong.