HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

My SI radar is probably too finely tuned, but I genuinely cannot see the sexual innuendo in this when said within context you describe.

Come on now, you surely cannot think that all words only have one meaning and that context and tone dont influence them. I once referred to pulling someone off of something at work. Cue gales of laughter from the resident creep and lots of nudge nudge wink wink comments. Who then explained it was sexual slang for wanking someone. If it is a once off comment, most people would write it off. But as OP has clearly stated - this guy has form.

The comment to the colleague about her husband performing the night before, yes, that clearly IS sexual should be reported.

Wow, patronising much?

I think you have failed to grasp the nuance of the situation here, which is that what he said was accurate, so it doesn’t meet the threshold for sexual harassment.

I sympathise with OP, but if people haven’t complained about this man before, then this comment alone is not enough to discipline him.

I can’t see anything wrong with what he said. Telling work colleagues you’re going to have your lips filled is a bit strange, as it’s quite a sexual thing to do anyway.

I'm just glad the op didn't mention the joiner was seeing to her back door!

Why not? It has been stiff lately! Bit of hard work but got it in in the end

So everyone knew you were getting your lip filler topped up and he said you where getting your lips pumped. You pump air into tyres, pump filler into lips. No innuendo, he stated facts and you reported him lol oh dear.

Another one who thinks it’s actually a dig at lip filler/the over filled look.

It's the weather. Causes the back door to swell and you sometimes have to use your shoulder to get it open.

Hope we aren't getting the call to HR tomorrow.

More to the point, who goes
around announcing they are getting their lip filler topped up?

It’s grim, but on its own not a sackable offence. Harassment has to be a pattern. So if not the sack, what outcome were you hoping for?

Effectively you’ve ended up with the same outcome as if the grievance had been upheld.

Management and HR have been alerted to his behaviour, the complaint is on file, and if he does it again he will find it very difficult to explain away.

I don't understand how using the word "lips" is "clear innuendo wordplay" for vaginal, when there is no other word for lips?! The sentence he used makes perfect sense and there is no alternative word that I can think of for lips - he didn't pick the suggestive option but the only option?

As others have said, sounds like he may have been an older man who thinks fillers are silly, but that's not the same as being lewd.

I hope this guy will raise a grievance against you OP.

It's not great to discuss medical procedure in an open plan office setting and pretty gross to talk about lip fillers. Pumped up lips look awful and porny or, best case scenario, suggest the owner of enlarged lips is deeply insecure. I'd feel very uncomfortable if my colleagues were mentioning this to colleagues at work (how often? How overt? How many people? was your chat very detailed, graphic, repetitive?).

This man may have felt uncomfortable by how you behave and this was the way he dealt with it by saying loudly your getting your lips pumped.

I'd leave it behind, polish my cv and I suppose enjoy the cosmetic enhancements?

Pulling people up in the moment is far more effective than involving HR immediately. Or at least having a direct conversation with the person to tell them that their comments aren't appreciated. I get that it's awkward, but best to deal with things like adults rather than roping management in without trying to go down diplomatic routes first.

(Spoken as a woman who has dealt with similar and worse in the workplace and has managed to resolve the issues herself each time)

Yes it's completely gross.

My mind is far from innocent, especially having worked for far too many years at a time when women had no real recourse to sexual innuendo and harassment, which was rife.
I'm usually all over sexual innuendo but I simply did not understand the issue here. I did not immediately think 'lips' = labia. I was trying to figure out how it was sexual and all I came up with was maybe it was something to do with a blow job 🤷‍♀️
I, and those I know have always referred to fillers as being 'pumped'. I thought OP went to HR because he was rude by jumping in and sneering at her having her lips injected. Or 'pumped' which I've heard more often these days as "pumped full of adrenaline" Or "pumped full of hormones" which refers to having something injected.
People judge pumped up lips. On the face. All the time. So it is not immediately obvious, and for some, it's a stretch to apply anything other than injecting whatever it is they inject to make puffy lips.

One grievance to HR over one comment that isn't obviously anything other than a mean judgement isn't going to be upheld. Especially if no one else has complained and there is no documented pattern of sexual harassment

It’s not just the words though is it? It’s tone, facial expression. Why did he feel the need to answer? Did he try and engage anyone else’s eye contact during the exchange? Did anyone else feel uncomfortable with his comment? I think it could easily be interpreted as a lewd comment and the OP will know better than anyone here whether that’s typical of him.

I agree. It's innuendo. He wouldn't be interested in you having a manicure and jump in to tell everyone about it.

He's gross but clever enough to leave it ambiguous. Hopefully you've spooked hin enough so he leaves you alone going forward.

😆Grow up!

I'd be interested to know what your desired outcome would have been.

Maybe loose him his job because your an overly sensitive trouble maker?
Good luck with working in that team now, you probably need to look for alternative employment now because now everyone will feel like they are walking on eggshells around you.

Childish.

I made a grievance against my manager. It got thrown out by HR... because, on being spoken to, my manager denied everything. This was despite the fact that I'd written everything down, other people have made previous grievances against him, and he is widely known for his sexism and general bad attitude.

However, since then, my manager has been a lot more restrained in his attitude towards me and certain other members of staff. We all continue to like our job (most of the time!), but just not our manager!

I was told that I could appeal the decision, but decided against it, because I'd be lucky to find anyone else with the balls to stand up to him. They'd been worn down by him for years and conditioned to it...

It’s your word against his. You say he intended it in X way, he said he didn’t. That’s that - HR are there to remove the emotion out of it and look at things factually. You can be upset about it as it was (to you, I wouldn’t have cared) inappropriate, but as far as any sanctions go, he wouldn’t get one for this. The only thing you and the rest of the girls in the office can do is keep raising / informing HR of these things to show a pattern of behaviour, but personally I just wouldn’t stir the pot so much.

Have I missed something here? You had a random day off to get lip filler. Your (male) colleague said you had been off to have your lips pumped?...... But that's exactly what you did (factual)🥴. Sorry, maybe I'm too old for this shit🤣

quick hr question please if possible?

if your in a team say 6 workers all same level doing same work at a warehouse but you get one that wants to act as boss even though they are not the boss and have not been told they are the boss etc and are basically telling different members of the team what to do or when not to talk or be faster etc even though they do not need to, as they are effectively bossing others about what from a hr perspective would that fall under if others went to hr about that worker ?

Hr does not exist to sort petty squabbles.