HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

The meaning is not clear at all and just because "you" associate the word "pumped" with something sexual is your problem and is the result of porn culture. In any case, I think he may have meant "plumped" but these awful lip fillers look just like tyres that are indeed pumped!

Because your mind is in the gutter.

rare that this is deployable but:

LOL

You are hopelessly naive if you believe that man was mithering around this subject.

He absolutely knew what he was saying.

Yeah, don't do this OP.

Huge over reaction if you're all adults! Poor HR having to deal with this nonsense.

I think a lot of people on this thread (unless incredibly innocent/naive) are being deliberately obtuse in saying that they can't see any way that this term could have been meant/interpreted sexually.

As I mentioned in a PP, I personally wouldn't have accepted this grievance, but come on. Just because it's not a term you use, and even if you'd never once heard it before, if I told you that John had been caught pumping Jane, you'd instantly know exactly what I meant.

Same goes the other way around, with posters saying that it couldn't possibly have been a comment about filler because they haven't heard it/don't use it in that context. If we were talking about someone who'd gone full Donald Duck and I said "She's getting her lips pumped again on Friday", you cannot seriously tell me that you'd assume I was suggesting a little afternoon delight was on the cards.

Also, I think as a fun experiment we should all casually drop into conversation with our partners that we need to set aside half an hour at some point this weekend as we fancy getting our lips pumped. The reactions will be worth it.

I'm pretty sure that if you look hard enough, near enough any term could be interpreted sexually, but this really isn't the one to complain about. It doesn't help that talking about getting lip fillers in the office makes you sound vain and insecure.

This thread is the first time I've felt sympathy for people working in HR.

What a total waste of HR's time to even have to investigate this.

Don't you sound like a lovely, feminine and refined lady. Exactly the type I hope my son brings home.

After reading your update, YABU.
Heat be that sort of man but he stated a fact, lips being pumped.

You took it a certain way because of his history, but it doesn't automatically mean he was talking about sex in this case.

Huge over reaction. What he said was correct

I immediately understood what he meant and it's extremely vulgar. Often with these sorts of comments it's the way they are said. She's getting her lips (vagina) pumped (sex) ;) ;) if you know what I mean etc etc double entendre type thing. But he will of course say he stated it factually and with no double meaning whatsoever.

I work in a male dominated field. Trust me, if I said this sentence at work they'd all fall about laughing. Everyone would 'get it'.

Also, some men automatically see filled lips as a sexual thing anyway (blow job association) so it isn't a big leap to them to jump to innuendo on the mere mention of the subject. I hear this a lot at work (blow job lips etc).

It's extremely frustrating OP as without further reports he will be able to wriggle out of this one but someone who speaks like this will slip up again. If you keep reporting it builds a stack of evidence that means it's harder and harder to keep denying.

Anyone who believes this was an innocent remark is incredibly naive. The way men talk about us when it's men alone (or mostly alone - or only with a woman 'inferior' to them around) is honestly shocking. Yes, yes, not all men. But definitely this one!

I think this is pretty spot on.

I am sorry you felt offended and I appreciate people are different. The work place is very PC compared to what it was, it's not an excuse but we as humans need to be more tolerant of others in each direction. If he is older he will learn that times are changing but you can't always condemn others based on your expectations alone, particularlyas we are from differentcultures and generations. He hopefully got a proper albeit informal chat from HR as this is a process of education.

I personally would not tkae offence to gis comment. It's not cut and dry as innuendo and even if it was, who cares. It's not something that I'd even flinch at, or anyone I know. However if he has form, he will need some education or it won't go well for him.

Also, I'd be horrified if my work colleagues discussed things like lip filler. It's not chatter for in the office I'm sorry. Unless you have a very tight knit group of friends there... It's just not a thing that's appropriate.

I actually can't believe what I'm reading. Are you all so naive that you don't see the sexual connotations of what OPs colleague said?

He knew exactly what he was saying. He didn't mean plumped. He was basically saying that OPs lips were getting fucked.

It should not be said in the workplace. Why should anyone have to feel uncomfortable at work because a man decides to be inappropriate.

This also has nothing to do with lip filler either. If you don't like it, you don't need to tell us you don't 🙄

OP, I would check with HR that they understand the meaning of what he said because if this thread is anything to go by, it seems that most of the population have never heard the word pump used in a sexual way.

Exactly. And to be clear, the 'lips' he meant were not the ones on her face.

You "immediately" understood as that it where your mind is. Not all men are vulgar.

Oh that's filthy. Get your mind out of the gutter. You're exactly the result of porn culture and how it's infiltrated society.

You would be horrified if people were talking about lip filler at work but you wouldn't take offence to a man saying 'she's getting her lips pumped (fucked)'.

I honestly live in a different world from most of you.

Can people please stop telling others what they can and cannot say on these boards? If we don't like lip filler, then we have every right to express that.

As for what he said, no, it was not sexual as not everyone has their mind in the gutter.

Tell that to the man who said it!!!

How old are you? Sounds like your world has been affected by porn culture. Do you sexualise everything and make it vulgar?

I wouldn't because he did not mean it in that way. Your mind is really something else. Fill it with goodness and beauty and enjoy the live you've been given.

In this instance the innuendo is clear - this man is suggesting that your lips (mouth) or more likely your genital lips will be inflamed by sexual activity.

It's anything but clear - there's pages of people with different views on it here alone. I can certainly see both sides, but even with the low threshold of probability required in employee disciplinary cases, you're talking about taking a serious action (written/final warning or worse) based on something that could quite plausibly be a misunderstanding.

We also have zero surrounding context (outside of a OP referring to the man as a creep), so to say that it is clear, simply isn't correct.

As a general rule, raising a formal grievance about things like this will definitely change the culture, because organisations are very wary of having a paper trail like this.

She has raised a formal grievance and it's been rejected. So if what you say is correct, then OPs claim must have had very little merit, or there are important details/context missing.

It could be that they've interviewed everyone present and found them all to agree that it was clearly a misunderstanding on OPs part. It could be that their HR are shit. It could be anything, we don't know.

I agree with you that these processes play an important part in changing workplace culture, but they also shouldn't be deployed willy-nilly and they certainly weaponised against people you think are a bit weird, which is another potential scenario here.