HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

It's not innuendo at all though. He's just stating a fact. She was getting her lips pumped with filler. It's a saying I've heard many times. I've never thought once that someone was talking about labia when I've heard this.
If this man is a creep then whoever is affected needs to keep a record of what he is saying and doing until there's enough to build a case. Not raise a grievance over a comment that most people would think entirely innocent.

Well actually no its not all the proof we need is it.

Thats the whole point isnt it

‘Getting pumped’ is a common term for having sex.

’lips’ can refer to lips on your face or labia. ( in fact the reason full lips are considered so attractive is because it mimics women’s genitals in a state of arousal)

Could it be any clearer ?

also add in context- he jumped into a convo to deliver this line. He wasn’t asked directly. So sounds like he was trying to make a joke.

add in the fact that he asked a colleague if her husband’s‘performance’ had put a spring in her step suggests this guy knew exactly what he was doing

Not proof that he meant it as a double entendre. ( though he very likely did)

but proof that his choice of language could be seen to have a sexual meaning.

Sorry, OP,
You come out of this situation looking insecure, oversharing, too sensitive and with a very sexualised perception of words.

ln my old days we would (a) never share anything so deeply personal and (b) answer to the creepy colleague directly.

Running to HR with this in the first instance feels childish and ignorant: HR function is to protect the employer from breaking laws, not to help employees.
I guess these are cultural generational differences, but even young HRs would have to act within the law/practice.

Did they give you a right of appeal to a higher authority?

Yes because for a lot of us it is seen as a slight on getting her lips filled - lips pumped is used just as much as getting pumped.

words can have different meanings and often do - in this context it at most a double entendre and one I would say quite a lot of adults would miss.

And the OP was getting her lips filed so that part of factual.

the fact is there isn’t enough proof that he meant the smutty version at all. Especially as no other comments would be looked at

You were getting your lips pumped, he was just stating a fact.

In answer to your question, it could stand to be much clearer

You have jumped the gun here. I don’t see sexual innuendo at all. Why did you not just speak to him?

Serious question, on what grounds do you hope to appeal this

Hint: "i don't like the verdict" isn't one.

Well I wouldn't be sharing my beauty procedure at work. I wouldn't have given that remark a second thought.

If he's making remarks to other women let them complain.

Just get on with your work. You've made your point now.

I dont understand why you would discuss a personal procedure like this at work. It is unprofessional and why do you get your lips filled? It is something that women do to retain the sexual appeal of youth, no? Or am I missing something? It seems to me that discussing this at work is opening the possibility of innuendo-loaded comments. I dont think you can lobbying this grenade into the office banter then act all devastated when someone comments on it.

Theres absolutely nothing about sex or gender here. He said she's going to get her lips pumped. An actual factual representation of the day.

He didn't say anything about labia or states of arousal and as you say he was probably trying to make a joke. I'm not saying it's right but it's been through HR, he claims it wasn't sexual. There's no proof it was. Case closed.

I just don't see what else she can do about it other than go to a tribunal or something? I mean it sounds like a shit place to work tbh.

I'd hope he'd have been spoken to and warned to watch his language and conduct.

If he had said “she’s getting pumped this afternoon” or “she’s getting her lips seen to” that would be quite an obvious innuendo but nobody in the history of the world has referred to sex as the pumping of lips. Pump is used sometimes as a euphemism for sex as a standalone but lips is barely ever used unless talking about genitals anatomically and unsexually. Lips is just not ever used a synonym for female genitalia commonly.

If you told any random person you were getting your lips pumped this afternoon, every single one of them would know it meant getting lip filler. It’s a normal slang way of describing it and when people say it, it’s normally meant in a humorous or slightly mocking way as loads of people think lip filler looks comical and visually unappealing. It’s more likely he said it in a contemptuous way to bring you down a peg, ridicule and make you sound superficial and low class than he meant it as a sexual innuendo.

You've chosen the wrong comment to go to HR with given that he sounded actually creepy in the other comments you mention. Men and women refer to lip fillers as getting lips pumped so often and so normally that typing it in google gives you information about lip fillers. It’s literally describing the procedure.

So you’d also take issue with me saying “I’m pumping my tyres up on the way home today”, or “I need to pump my air bed”, or “could I borrow your balloon pump”?

”Doing it” also means sex. But it’s also a normal phrase I use every day for doing many different things.

This guy might be awful and make lots of inappropriate and unacceptable comments, but this one genuinely seems a slight on OP for getting lip filler, not for getting “pumped” by a man.

Could mean labia?...you've got sex on the brain.

Ermmmm what now? You were getting your lips pumped - what’s the issue? You overreached then overreacted massively.

Edit: sorry you assumed lips meant labia and pumped meant shagging?! 😂😂 are you serious?!?

It is a fairly common thing to say because it looks like you have had your lips pumped up like a tire. He may have meant it sexually but
hard to prove.

His previous comments, which I'm sure you have many examples of, demonstrate a pattern of sexual harassment. I hope you raised them during your grievance meeting, they add context and demonstrate his form for this behaviour, it's not a one-off. They should have interviewed you, him and others that may have been witness to them. If you named the colleague who made the 'husband performance' comment to, they should have interviewed her also. If they missed any of these steps they failed to carry out a sufficient investigation and this is the grounds you appeal on. Absolutely DO appeal. Men like this don't stop unless they are MADE to stop. Ignore the ignorant posters telling you it's minor and to drop it. Sexual harassment laws were increased tenfold recently. Your appeal should reference these updates and their failure to take proactive and reasonable steps. Sexual harassment doesn't need to be proved. What matters is that you FELT harassed. I'm an HRBP.

I feel harassed every time im asked to do soneyhing entirely in my job remit

Can i raise a grievance?

Unless he said it accompanied by a hip thrust a là Lord Flasheart then I think you are massively overreacting.

this thread is hilarious…does no- one know what double entendre actually means?

yes, we all know it could be an innocent comment about getting lip filler. But it also could have a double meaning.

OP- the problem is that in isolation it’s very difficult to say it was a sexual comment. But keep logging any further comments with a line manager. I’d also encourage your colleagues to do the same

Honestly, you are lucky he didn't reverse-grievance you, OP.

You are the one getting lip filler; you are the one telling all your colleagues about it; you are the one with the bizzarely sexualised interpretation of a matter-of-fact description of the procedure.

Arguably, you are the one your colleagues should be uncomfortable around in the workplace.