HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

Yeah but you blow up a balloon and pump petrol into a car so it’s not beyond any stretch of the imagination to say pumped.

It’s absolutely not clear. In fact, a Google for getting lips pumped just returns results about lip filler, and “lip pumped sex” returns mostly lip products and one porn page which shows women with lip filler.

It’s not a sexual comment, and you really need to contort yourself in a way that most people (and search engines) wouldn’t.

Honestly I see this as no worse really than him chipping in and saying ‘she’s getting her roots done’.

Probably a bit over-familiar and rude but then you have been discussing your cosmetic procedures with your colleagues.

That’s not to say he’s not creepy generally, but I think that’s a separate issue of which this may be a very narrow/weak example.

So many innocent minds on mumsnet!

it is absolutely innuendo. But I suppose that’s the problem. On the face of it, it could be an entirely innocent comment, but it also has a double meaning. He knew that.

im guessing also the context meant it was said in a ‘nudge nudge, wink wink’ fashion. Also it sounds like he said it to get a laugh which again points to it being double entendre.

He won't stop, because he won't think he's done anything wrong. He said you were getting your lips pumped, which you were, with filler. And HR agreed with him. So all that's happened here is you've made a tit out of yourself.

I’m sorry you are upset OP.

Is the male colleague ND?

I have a colleague who left to his own devices has no filter with his language and has made inappropriate comments in the past as he doesn’t fully understand what he is saying or how it could misinterpreted.

We work hard to keep his comments appropriate (and we also have a duty of care to support him in the workplace and to make the necessary reasonable adjustments to support him in the workplace). He can do the job we need him to do just fine. He just doesn’t think sometimes before opening his mouth.

Honestly it’s a nightmare managing teams in todays workplace.

Exactly this! You were getting your lips pumped. You have made this into an innuendo - he was stating a fact. And why oh why do you share this sort of information with your colleagues?
I’m with HR on this

If you read the OPs post, he has form for a history of this so she is not just responding to one remark. It is part of a pattern. I think unfortunately it is much more likely to be him who has a dirty mind than anyone else.

It’s a stretch to argue that the comment was NOT innuendo.

But as posts make clear it’s plausible, in isolation. This wasn’t in isolation but HR haven’t identified that.

I'm struggling to see how that's a grievance... You told a colleague that's what you were having done ... He repeated it ...
They are right not to uphold that grievance. It wouldn't occur to me that that was sexist. I think you're looking for issues where their aren't any !

As per the acas guidelines you have the right to appeal. I would suggest doing so & clearly explaining why & also what outcome you’re looking for. You need to be realistic here as clearly they haven’t considered it to be gross misconduct, this stance is likely to change. So what are you looking for? An apology? For him to do some training on sexual harassment? For you to move teams? You shouldn’t have to move but sounds like it may be more likely than them moving him if they consider him to have done nothing wrong.

may also be worth talking to them about the new legislation that came in last year: The worker protection act 2023, 2024 amendment. https://www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment/steps-for-employers-to-prevent-sexual-harassment

If you want further guidance I’d suggest calling ACAS.

I do think here the key thing is you should really think about what you want to achieve & what is realistic for you to achieve & then decide on next steps.

I hope you’re okay OP. Even if (and it is an if) he didn’t say it in a sexual manner it’s clearly made you uncomfortable & you don’t deserve that at work. Hope the above has helped.

Innuendo for WHAT though?! It’s as much innuendo as me telling a colleague to get an early night because they’re yawning, and mean they should be going to have sex to wake them up. It just isn’t innuendo. Even if we winked and pointed at his groin while saying it, I’d still struggle to piece together what he was getting at as taking it to mean sex and labia is a reach.

Can you find one example on the internet of pumped lips meaning something sexual?

I've worked in Diversity and Inclusion for 25 years, advising people on how to handle discrimination and bullying in the workplace.

You overreacted, you are oversensitive. You were getting your lips pumped. You told everyone this (why?)

If he has made sexual remarks before you need to document these and build a case showing this is a pattern of behaviour from him. Ideally you should speak to him yourself, or have his manager speak to him, to make him understand how he's making you feel rather than going straight yo a grievance.

As a relatively reasonable person, who loves a double entendre, if I walked into my office and said "hey, where's whoever," and someone replied, "getting her lips pumped," I would understand that she was getting fillers. Maybe this man has formed for being disgusting but I wouldn't have gone to HR with this particular comment. Surely if he has form there are other more straightforward comments that you could have gone to HR about.

from google

"Innuendo using the word "pumping" often relates to sexual activity, specifically intercourse. It can also be used to describe the act of giving someone information or trying to excite them, but the sexual meaning is the most common interpretation in slang. "

Lots of people refer to it as “pumped” - a PP linked to a BBC article using that exact phrase.

Didn’t you say in your previous post that you had to have this explained to you, or did I misunderstand what you meant?

If so, it’s not really surprising that so many PP didn’t get the innuendo either.

I’m well aware of the use of pumped as an adjective for sex. But I have never heard sex described as getting your “lips pumped”. If that’s what’s happening, someone needs a sex ed lesson as they’re doing it wrong 😂😂😂

Some people don’t automatically link that word to sex. Meghan Markle used the phrase “pump-pump” in her kids’ book!

I do think though that he sounds like an arse in general. And I think he said OP was getting her lips pumped as he was being derogatory about fillers (which isn’t a HR offence).

I would say keep your personal business to yourself in the future OP and if he’s as bad as you say, then just use a better example to report him again. I think this was probably a poor move by you, if I’m honest.

It absolutely wasn’t. But has enough plausible deniability that on paper it can be claimed to be.

Exactly the reason OP said it was an innuendo. Or double entendre if you will.

I think given this colleagues penchant for comments that skirt the line of being sexual in nature it's highly likely the way OP has taken it is the way he meant it. It's clearly not just a one off comment that was taken the wrong way. Bloke sounds like a reet smarmy git.

Of course he can go all doe eyed.to HR like "miss I'm innocent I just meant this" like a naughty teenager, which is why it's not more overtly sexual.

OP, I'd definitely keep track of these comments, be it to you or any other woman and keep reporting him. A pattern will form and if they're a decent HR team they'll see that.

I can't beleive you raised a formal grievance over this. How very dramatic!

Why is "she's getting her lips pumped" sexual? Isn't it just a casual way of describing exactly what you were doing?

I'm not saying this guy isn't an arsehole as he probably is. But those words to me aren't anything to do with sex? It might be a bit dismissive and derogatory for sure.

Anyway you went through HR and they say it's been dealt with. It sounds like a shame but to dwell on it won't really help.

OP, I'd definitely keep track of these comments, be it to you or any other woman and keep reporting him. A pattern will form and if they're a decent HR team they'll see that.

yes, @GanninHyem - lets hope they track patterns and dont treat everything as a one off incident. There are too many examples of terrible outcomes where the pattern of offending was completely overlooked because the investigators insisted on treating each report as a stand alone incident.

At my last job, I was a code checker. I raised a grievance against my store manager as he bullied me which included hiding some produce and putting out 2 days past the use by date. Every colleague said that produce was empty. Then he says everyone grows out of dyslexia. He put the photo of the cases on my file. Higher value food which was found out of date in the past and no colleague had this treatment.

Raised a grievance against the store manager as he kept on and on about these cases. I cried so much at home that I vomited. The grievance was rejected by his manager as quoted ‘he’s a wonderful manager’. Erm no. I was the 9th colleague to leave due to
the bullying. Two raised grievances and got rejected. I heard about this about a week after I left.

I actually think it might have been more of a dig about having lip fillers than sexual. I can see how it could be said in a very derogatory way. I wondered if it was more about that than sexual, because the latter sounds a bit tenuous.

@Hotflushesandchilblains has given an example.

I think the fact that many people on this thread can see how this could be a sexual comment is all the proof you need.

it’s the kind of thing smutty school boys say.

I patiently await op's next thread after her workmates become too scared to say anything to her at all

"HANDHOLD NEEDED im being ignored in work is this BULLYING?"