Just as a bit of balance on this thread (and OP I don’t think MN is the best placed for a balanced opinion on drug or alcohol use)). I used to smoke weed daily when my DC were growing up (before and after having them, not while pregnant). I used to do this to chill out and relax of an evening similar to your DH. I did not smoke around the DC but tbh I don’t feel it’s a negative thing to do and so it’s not something I particularly hid. It made me more relaxed, more fun to be around and tbh I really miss it. I was definitely happier when I was smoking! Unfortunately I can’t do it now as have developed autoimmune disease (nothing to do with weed use) and it’s obviously not a good idea to be smoking anything anyway, especially as we get older.
My DC both say they had the best childhood! They are also both remarkably happy and well adjusted and successful. Surprisingly so! I had a lot of trauma in my upbringing, and my mum in particular passed down a lot of her trauma from her abusive childhood to me, and I was absolutely desperate not do the same to my DC, but was never sure if this was working, but given how they’ve turned out it seems it did thankfully!
I used weed to self-medicate in part; it helped with my MH struggles (these were blindingly apparent before any weed use) and my ADHD, but I don’t see that as any different to taking ADs or ADHD medication and they worked well for me; it made me a more relaxed and happier and therefore better parent, and it also helped a lot with lack of motivation from ADHD. And it didn’t stop me working, or raising and advocating for my children, or making sure they attended medical appts etc etc. They were well cared for, attended to, and loved. And they would tell you the same. I have an excellent relationship with them now as adults, and we talk about everything openly and honestly. Including their childhood.
So for me, I don’t think it’s automatically problematic it depends on how it affects your DH and his ability to parent. Does it make him a better or worse parent? Does it make him check out of family life, or does he use it to chill but is otherwise an engaged and caring parent?
Many people still seem to have a knee jerk reaction to recreational drug use, I think it’s much more nuanced. It was only a positive thing for me. Yes they can have negative effects (as can alcohol) but people have been using psychoactive substances for thousands of years - so I think they are part of being human and can be beneficial (as we’ve seen recently with the research coming out about psilocybin and how it can help some serious mental health conditions) when respected and used appropriately.
I’ve name changed for this as I suspect I will be jumped on, I hope not as there are already plenty of posts offering the counter opinion, so just posted for a bit of balance. With this in mind I probably won’t engage with any responses as I haven’t posted to debate the pros and cons, and am already very certain of my opinion on this, as I am sure other posters are sure of their contrary opinion.