Sports day!!!

[autumngirl714]

At my child’s school, Sports Day is split into two parts. Part 1 is great—an obstacle course where everyone takes part in their team colours, and each team earns points. But Part 2 is where I feel a bit torn. It’s competitive racing and field events, but only the best from each team colour get picked—fastest runners, longest jumpers, etc. The rest of the kids just sit and watch.

Every year, the same sporty kids get chosen, and my daughter —who tries really hard but isn’t the fastest—never gets picked. She's started to really dread Sports Day now and feels like no matter how much effort she puts in, it’s not enough. It’s heartbreaking to watch.

I do understand the argument that this gives athletic kids a chance to shine, and I don’t want to take that away—but I can’t help but feel it’s unfair and disheartening for the rest. Wouldn’t it be better to include more children in Part 2, or offer additional fun races so that everyone gets a turn?

Just been to sports day today where the same girl got picked to do every single competitive race meaning nobody else got chance. She gets picked every single year which is great for her, but not fair on others.

What do you think? Aibu?

No, of cheering on your school mates and being part of a community event.

I agree. The morning activity is inclusive. The afternoon is competitive. People run in races with the intention of being the best and finishing first. That's what competitive events are about. I don't see what's wrong with children learning that in competition the best people participate, as long as they aren't forced to participate in potentially embarrassing and humiliating events.

Traditional sports day isn’t just running surely?

For 90 minutes? That's just too long, especially when you are just sitting there.

My son has severe dyslexia. He's never going to get the reward for getting all his spellings right or reading no matter how hard he tries. He will never win the attendance award because of his medical appointments....but he's good at sports and would also more than likely give an experienced adult a run for their money at Motocross. He could probably teach an MMA class himself. He's 7. But he still does his spelling test every week, reads as best he can along with the others that can do this much more easily and he still tries really hard. His peers help him with his work and he helps those that struggle at sports day. We shouldn't be taking those opportunities to do well away because 'everyone should be a winner'. I think it's better to teach children to help each other when they notice someone is struggling and acceptance of the fact that we are all different and can't be good at everything. We as adults just make sure all children have their opportunity to do well and shine at something throughout the school year. My 16 year old has ADHD and never gets to go on the high school trips for good behaviour, but he's top of his game when it comes to science projects. My daughter never won the times table quizzes because she just doesn't get maths (unless it's money and profit margins), but she'll stand a good chance of winning the school year bake off and this year she won the schools young entrepreneur award with her business plan making bracelets and badges to sell. She's 12. All my children accept that there are some things they're good at and other things they just aren't...and that doesn't matter. They aren't sore losers, they don't give up even when it's hard and they know they don't stand a chance of winning. They are resilient, don't take it to heart and are kind to and help others where they are able too. A far more valuable lesson imo to prepare them for adult life.

We can't take away opportunities for children to have their moment to shine. I agree we should make it accessible for all children to take part, but I'd never stop my kids from joining in just because I knew they wouldn't win. Not all disabilities are visible.

If children can’t sit and chat with friends and cheer races for an hour and a half we’ve got problems.

That’s a shame. Would be nice if all schools had days where different creativities could be celebrated instead of “evened out”.

My son is never going to get those awards either due to the fact that his disability means he has missed a lot of school and of course that means the same goes for attendance awards too. He doesn't get to 'shine' in school at all really, just has to muddle along.

He can't run due to his disability, no amount of others helping him is going to change that or make him feel differently about not wanting to take part.

My son is incredibly resilient every day, he doesn't need one day a year to prove his resilience. He also has an invisible disability so very well aware about that.

He doesn't want to go and that's absolutely fine by me. He'd just be sitting there anyway unable to join in.

Sadly, the opposite is often true. Children who are academic high achievers also tend to be more sporty. They also have the confidence to be noticed. Often, they are children who are born earlier in the school year and are more mature, stronger, taller, better coordinated because they're slightly older. It would be great to think that sports day gives the less academic children a chance to excel, but that doesn't generally happen. Schools can't get it right - some parents will complain if sports day is fun and non-competitive, others will complain if only the high achievers are selected. Pity the poor teachers!

Yep.

My experience is that it is usually the same children who get to ''shine'' because they are sporty and academic.

As someone who was both the academic and sporty kid, I think making sports day selective and competitive is a travesty for both sporty and non-sporty kids.

In my view, sports day should only be about encouraging kids to have a healthy appreciation for the joy and value of participation in sport regardless of ability, given the lifelong health benefits of exercise. This can only be done well if all the children are completely equal in their participation.

The sporty kids will already be doing sport for the school team and elite sport outside of school anyway, so will get their sense of achievement through those things.

What those sporty kids might have forgotten is doing sports for sports sake - doing sport with others of all abilities to get moving, to socialise and just for the fun of it. By age 11 I had a love-hate relationship with sport- it was not fun anymore, just so serious and pressured all the time. Sports day was the the last time in my childhood I truly enjoyed sport - if sports day had been competitive and selective, I’d have felt the same way I felt about my training sessions and county competitions.

@blackpearyou're right. The utter obsession with sport in this country is absurd. If schools are going to have sports day they should also have maths day and science day where all pupils have to answer questions in front of an audience. It will build resilience and help people understand they can't always win right? I would love to see traditional PE made into an extra curricular like any other interest and replaced by learning about heathy diet, exercise, self care etc. By year 10 they would have covered everything and be able focus fully on their GCSEs rather than wasting time on PE (for those like my DS who aren't interested and prefer more academic subjects, it could be an option for GCSE for those who enjoy it). The OP has a valid point about sports day being disheartening.

Who said that child doesn’t shine at anything though?

you are placing value in athletics or academics. That’s 2 things in life.

That child may have amazing social skills or emotional intelligence. They may shine at a team sport that they discover through PE lessons.

My ds never shone at academics although highly intelligent because he had learning difficulties. Never shone at sport because he has a physical disability. He is aging at swimming - something we discovered by mistake when he was older (late teens).

The key is to foster resilience in children and a thirst for discovering their strengths. But also giving them confidence to know and understand that very few people actually shine at something. Most of us are middle of the road good at lots of things and that’s ok.

Good life lesson I reckon cause in jobs etc only the best get picked - you can’t all get to have a go to be fair.

I hated sports day and was totally clumsy and shit at everything. Spent secondary school hiding in the showers to avoid PE or smoking 😂 so I do get the humiliation bit.

My ds would much prefer that format to being made to run in front of other kids and parents. He's probably dyspraxic, cant run, isn't athletic at all. Sports in schools is a disgrace. It doesn't include everyone, goes against the lessons we teach in bodily autonomy and puts kids off team and athletic sports for life.

I hate it for him. I tell him its a chance for athletic kids to shine in front of everyone blah blah blah but he said this year 'other parents dont come in and watch academic kids shine do they?'

He goes to secondary in September. Am hoping that sports day isn't everyone, just those that want to do it.

in our sports day we do a mix of activities such as obstacle, throwing beanbags and traditional speed races. However, children of similar ability race eachother in house colours. This way everyone gets a chance to win without the humiliation, and races are more even. I think it works well and the children enjoy it, although it’s not an exact science when sorting the kids. They all know who the ‘fast’ people in the class are through pe lessons. I do think it’s important to let some children have their moments to shine, especially if they are not academic.

I’m always on the fence about sports day.

I was shit at sports at school so hated PE and sports day. But I wish that schools had found more creative ways to help non sporty kids enjoy sport and exercise.

Ds1 who actually was quite sporty still never got selected for the more competitive races at primary, it was always the same kids and like you it used to annoy me.

Ds2 (different primary) they do a completely non competitive sports day, all fun and no winners or losers. It’s lovely to watch.

But otoh washout sporty kids get their chance to shine? So I’m not sure.

I would say though that if you want your child to be more sporty then why not help them practice things at home or join some clubs and they might get better and get their chance to be picked.

My ds1 was sporty but not very god iyswim? But he always tried and it paid off he became better at things.

Regardless of whether it’s fair or not, can you better prepare your DD?
If this other girl is always picked then why is your DD getting her hopes up? Do the school or you tell her that if she tries hard enough she might get picked even though this is never the case?
It sounds a bit tedious if the same 4 or so children are picked every year.

I was the one who won all the running races at school (I am still a keen and competitive runner at 54). My peers knew I would win. They knew I’d get picked to represent the school. I still feel a flutter of adrenaline knowing my late mum was watching and so proud of me.

But the slower kids aren't good enough. It's a race!

Admittedly, it does sound like they could do things differently OP that could keep everyone active all day, but no, the competitive races don't need to include everyone. Also the "getting picked" sounds a bit dubious; shouldn't they do heats or something more definitive?

But that's the same in life. Not everyone can win at things. Do you think Manchester utd ( or even accrington Stanley) will take someone with 2 left feet just to be inclusive.

Everyone has the opportunity to take park in the " fun" races

@Fundayout2025 being a professional footballer and sports day are two completely different things.

You coudl argue that all the sporty children have the extra sports clubs to shine? This day isn't just for them, it's for the whole school.

@limescale I do my best to not make it a big deal, but she's of an age in primary school where she's got her own personality and her own wants. This is a big deal to her, every year in primary school so far the same two girls have been picked for every single race. They're the fastest girls in the school. If she were in a different colour group she would get a chance but as she isn't, she doesn't.

@clopper this sounds like a really fair way of doing it!

@itsgettingweird I absolutely don't value just two things (those being sports and academics) whatsoever. Many other people in this post have brought the comparison up, I've point out that being good in one doesn't make you bad at the other liek the majority of others have suggested.
I'm a very proud Mum, I think children are absolutely wonderful. In school they plod along, they aren't at the bottom or top. So if they're in the middle then they always get overlooked. I was the same which is why I know first hand how shit it is when you're not picked as being "the best" at anything. Primary school shouldn't be about this.

I was the child who was “good” academically but needed to work for it.

I was also a “good” dancer but neither excelled nor was terrible.

It’s stood me in good stead for life. I’m much happier than my sister who was more academic, more socially outgoing and achieved wins at dance comps.

I believe it’s because I learned resilience and working for what I wanted.

There is nothing wrong with being mediocre. Most of the population are. You can be extremely happy without competing and winning 1 race a year at a school sports day.

Sports day can be enjoyable if you take it for what it is. Yours includes everyone and then gives those who are better at athletics a chance.

tomorrow the school will do something g else which allows others to excel - it may be music, art, history project or even a sports game or social event.

My advice is stop focussing on the one (half) day of the year your child isn’t getting the chance to shine and focus on what they are good at. I say that as a parent of a disabled child with learning difficulties who could have easily been written off of if I didn’t build his resilience and ability to find “his” thing.

Would you expect your kids to watch a 90 minute film at the cinema, or is that too long for them to just sit?

Yes! Exactly this. You'll see from my comments. Sports day is the only day a year my dyslexic son looks forward too...because it's what he can do well!

I am so tired of this everyone participates, everyone gets a prize mentality. Not everyone is good at everything and if you are good at something why shouldn't you get your moment.

My niece struggles terribly with the academic side of school, sports day is her day to shine. And yes every year she is the one being picked to lead. But this is her only moment as far as school goes, let her have it.

My son is the stand out in his football team yet he can't be regularly recognised as everyone needs to get an award.

There has to be a time when we accept that not everything we do involves a prize and being included. That is not how real life works. We are not future proofing our kids with this mentality.