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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking pissed off about this?

127 replies

2amClub · 30/06/2025 02:15

Boyfriend is currently staying at my house overnight. My bedroom is too warm for him, so he brings in the fan. Now I can’t sleep because there’s too much background noise (he also has to have the tv on to be able to fall asleep).

I can turn the fan off, but then I have to hear/feel him tossing and turning because of the heat. I’ve now had to retreat to the living room to try and sleep without the noise, but now I’m not comfortable and unable to sleep anyway. For reference, I have chronic illnesses including arthritis so my knees are hurting sleeping on the sofa and it makes me feel quite unwell when I don’t get enough sleep - boyfriend knows all of this.

Boyfriend finds sleeping on the sofa triggering for issues to do with his ex, so naturally he didn’t offer to come in the living room with the fan instead and when I said I was unable to sleep, just offered up a “oh, I’m sorry!” and that was it.

AIBU to be fucking pissed off right now being unable to sleep in my own bed in my own house and thinking that he should be sleeping on the sofa instead because it’s him that needs the fan on?!

OP posts:
Pleaseshutthefuckup · 30/06/2025 02:21

YABU to not ensure you put your important and reasonable needs first.

This means, the bed is yours no matter what. He doesn't enable you to sleep in it,then he gets out the bed and onto the sofa he must go. His fan and all the rest is preventing you from sleeping in your own bed!

And if he doesn't like the fact that he absolutely must get on the sofa- the door is this way mate....

People treat you how you let them.

Yes this is a disappointment as you'd rather you didn't have to do this and he'd bloody get it. Saying the sofa triggers trauma is too much for me to cope with ffs. He'd be lucky to make it through the night in my bed I tell you.

Never again OP. Come on.

TheSandgroper · 30/06/2025 03:45

Your house, your rules. You pay for the privilege of sleeping in your own bed.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

1). He is showing you he’s an entitled little man.

2). YOU are showing him that YOU are a doormat. Geez, I hope he’s good in bed for you to make all this worthwhile.

NoisesOn · 30/06/2025 03:52

Stop being so gullible and prioritising him over yourself.

Newnamehiwhodis · 30/06/2025 03:56

It sounds like you’re really incompatible. These things - sleeping compatibility- may sound trivial on paper, but they’re so important for a long term relationship.
you need your sleep. Kick him out

UK2HK · 30/06/2025 04:00

Does he have sedatephobia a phobia of silence?

Francestein · 30/06/2025 04:01

Good god, tell him to toughen up! He’s not the Princess and the Pea!

BeenThereBackThen · 30/06/2025 04:02

He needs to go home until weather cools down. Or alewp on the sofa in the meantime.

Be glad you are getting to see his selfish side, his needs are apparently more important than yours, even in your own home. He gets triggered on the sofa, well he can go home then surely.

nomas · 30/06/2025 04:08

It’s going to stay hot today so tell him he either sleeps on the sofa or goes home.

And consider if you want to stay with someone this selfish.

He knows you’re on the sofa and doesn’t care.

AnotherGreyMorning · 30/06/2025 04:10

The sofa triggers trauma for him? 😂

He saw you coming, didn't he?

echt · 30/06/2025 04:14

AnotherGreyMorning · 30/06/2025 04:10

The sofa triggers trauma for him? 😂

He saw you coming, didn't he?

Best use of triggering on any MN thread evahl!!

Strobbery · 30/06/2025 04:16

Why are you with this selfish twat?

Brownthosebrownonionsbrown · 30/06/2025 04:22

@2amClub Is he able to sit on the sofa during the daytime or evening? Or does he drag a dining chair into the lounge?

SheSaidHummingbird · 30/06/2025 04:27

@2amClub "Boyfriend finds sleeping on the sofa triggering for issues to do with his ex"

Scuse me, what?!

daisychain01 · 30/06/2025 04:58

I don't know what's more depressing, the bf trying to convince the OP that the sofa is triggering, or the OP accepting that bollox as fact.

Come on OP tell him you weren't born yesterday and to stop being a flake

VaddaABeetch · 30/06/2025 04:59

Selfish entitled idiot is being selfish & entitled, how do I get him to stop?

Tell him to go home. Do not have him stay at your house.

MrsMillyFluff · 30/06/2025 05:02

I think you need a new boyfriend 🤔

FortyElephants · 30/06/2025 05:08

Does he have his own house? If so, send him there.

loobyloo1979 · 30/06/2025 05:11

He finds the sofa triggering? I've heard it all now...

Your house, your bed, your rules. If he doesn't like it he knows where the door is.

ConcernedOfClapham · 30/06/2025 05:37

He doesn’t live with you? So don’t have him stay over in this hot weather, then you can both sleep the way you wish. Simple.

so yes, YABU to be fucking pissed off. You knew it would be like this.

LillyPJ · 30/06/2025 05:38

It's your house and your bed. If he hates the sofa, tell him to buy a single air bed then he can sleep on the lounge floor and have the TV and fan on while you sleep peacefully in your own bed. I've managed on a single blow-up bed in the past - it cost less than £20.

Fantailsflitting · 30/06/2025 05:42

If I could teach a 6 week old baby to fall asleep for the night without television, I pretty sure your boyfriend can do it. Honestly, your knees hurt and he is telling you some rubbish about sleeping on the sofa being triggering. Personally I know what would be triggering for me. In fact, it would involve me wearing pointy toed shoes kicking the selfish swine up the backside and out of my house and bed - permanently.

UK2HK · 30/06/2025 05:45

Fantailsflitting · 30/06/2025 05:42

If I could teach a 6 week old baby to fall asleep for the night without television, I pretty sure your boyfriend can do it. Honestly, your knees hurt and he is telling you some rubbish about sleeping on the sofa being triggering. Personally I know what would be triggering for me. In fact, it would involve me wearing pointy toed shoes kicking the selfish swine up the backside and out of my house and bed - permanently.

Some people are sedatephobic. They have extreme phobias of silence in any form whether that be conversational or any other form. This can stem from trauma.
To comprehend is not to condone.

MoistVonL · 30/06/2025 05:54

You’re just not compatible. Send him home, it’s hotter than ever today.

FortyElephants · 30/06/2025 05:57

I wear a Bluetooth sleep eye mask so I can listen to YouTube playlists while I go to sleep. So I don't disturb my DH. Because I'm not a dick.

Codlingmoths · 30/06/2025 05:59

Tv noise while going to sleep would be an absolute deal breaker. You need to tell him these are the sleeping conditions in your bedroom, and while you are sorry about his trauma, you’re also not willing to have your room somewhere you cannot sleep, so best he not stay over as it doesn’t seem there’s a compromise. And reconsider the relationship because kicking someone out of their own bed is sooooo entitled.