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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking pissed off about this?

127 replies

2amClub · 30/06/2025 02:15

Boyfriend is currently staying at my house overnight. My bedroom is too warm for him, so he brings in the fan. Now I can’t sleep because there’s too much background noise (he also has to have the tv on to be able to fall asleep).

I can turn the fan off, but then I have to hear/feel him tossing and turning because of the heat. I’ve now had to retreat to the living room to try and sleep without the noise, but now I’m not comfortable and unable to sleep anyway. For reference, I have chronic illnesses including arthritis so my knees are hurting sleeping on the sofa and it makes me feel quite unwell when I don’t get enough sleep - boyfriend knows all of this.

Boyfriend finds sleeping on the sofa triggering for issues to do with his ex, so naturally he didn’t offer to come in the living room with the fan instead and when I said I was unable to sleep, just offered up a “oh, I’m sorry!” and that was it.

AIBU to be fucking pissed off right now being unable to sleep in my own bed in my own house and thinking that he should be sleeping on the sofa instead because it’s him that needs the fan on?!

OP posts:
Fratolish · 30/06/2025 08:14

Justwrong68 · 30/06/2025 08:13

Get that princess outa your house

Maybe try putting a pea under your mattress? That might see him off.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/06/2025 08:33

2amClub · 30/06/2025 07:23

I’m back to reply - after a fabulous 3 hours of broken sleep!

Normally I don’t mind the TV so much - it’s annoying at times - but I usually make sure it’s on about a 1 or 2 volume wise and I’m usually so tired in general that I manage to go off. The fan was just too much on top of that last night (mine is quite noisy).

The sofa… so, my ex has these nightmare things. In previous relationships, when he had one and disturbed his partner’s sleep they would make him sleep on the sofa rather than helping/comforting him therefore he now finds it triggering - apparently. He slept on the sofa once here (I can’t remember why!) and cried about it the next morning.

Had I not wanted the neighbours to come knocking at 2-3am this morning complaining, I would have completely lost my shit when I walked back into the bedroom for something to find that he had turned the fan off and hadn’t even bothered to come and tell me so I could go back to sleep in the bed - absolutely raging this morning and can see it ending up in a big argument once he is awake!!

Edited

He just wanted your bed to himself.

Hoof the irritating little cuckoo out the window and you can go back to having decent sleep without flickering lights, noise and him wailing that it's not fair he has to think about a woman's sleep, safety or comfort when he's the most important boy in her world.

LondonLady1980 · 30/06/2025 08:37

He’s triggered by a sofa?

Does he manage to sit down on it ok during the day?

I think any man who is triggered by a sofa to the point where he’s crying needs to have some therapy.

PothasProblem · 30/06/2025 09:32

Why didn't you tell him to go home?

gettingbetter33 · 30/06/2025 09:36

i also need background noise to sleep. And in this heat need a fan. Maybe no more sleepovers?

XiCi · 30/06/2025 09:42

Why on earth would you compromise your health and let him take over your bedroom? Seriously, WTF. Because he cwies boo hoo if he has to sleep on the sofa? This is so pathetic I'm beginning to think it must be a wind up

Caligirl80 · 30/06/2025 09:48

`Yikes. This isn't going to get better unless you establish some boundaries - and it's up to him whether he does anything to address his own issues:

  1. It's your bed. If he doesn't like the sleeping conditions he can go home.
  2. If he has hangups related to an ex (why on earth does he have a fear of sofas?!) then he needs to do the work with a therapist to sort those issues out. Not impose his issues on you. If he doesn't want to sleep on a sofa he can bring an airmattress with him for those times where he can't sleep/won't sleep etc.
  3. Sleeping with the TV on is horribly unhealthy. If he needs background noise then get a white noise machine.
  4. Ask yourself why are you bending over backwards to accommodate all of his bizarre needs, but he isn't making any kind of adjustments to accommodate any of your normal sleeping habits (i.e. to sleep in a room that's cool, doesn't have a TV blaring away in it, and doesn't have someone wriggling around).
  5. If he's not grown up enough to make changes to his behaviour in terms of sleeping arrangements then he surely isn't grown up enough to deal with actually difficult situations
  6. the only behaviour you can change is your own: Start being firm with your reasonable boundaries. If he doesn't like it then he isn't the man for you.
Troubleclef · 30/06/2025 09:49

He sounds a big baby. Why are you with him.

Mulledjuice · 30/06/2025 10:02

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 30/06/2025 02:21

YABU to not ensure you put your important and reasonable needs first.

This means, the bed is yours no matter what. He doesn't enable you to sleep in it,then he gets out the bed and onto the sofa he must go. His fan and all the rest is preventing you from sleeping in your own bed!

And if he doesn't like the fact that he absolutely must get on the sofa- the door is this way mate....

People treat you how you let them.

Yes this is a disappointment as you'd rather you didn't have to do this and he'd bloody get it. Saying the sofa triggers trauma is too much for me to cope with ffs. He'd be lucky to make it through the night in my bed I tell you.

Never again OP. Come on.

1st quote nails it.

Tiredandtiredagain · 30/06/2025 10:05

echt · 30/06/2025 04:14

Best use of triggering on any MN thread evahl!!

Show quote history

I’m triggered, by you saying triggered, of the triggering sofa… it’s all a trigger!

oh hang on I’m also talking nonsense like the triggering sofa is nonsense!

nomas · 30/06/2025 10:07

He can get one of those floor mattresses online and sleep on the living room floor.

Don’t be stuck in a relationship where your needs are never met because it’s triggering for your boyfriend.

Bananalanacake · 30/06/2025 11:05

Next time he can bring a sleeping bag and sleep on the living room floor. Or just don't invite him overnight again and certainly don't let him move in. You can easily enjoy a date, meal, film, sex then kick him out the door, you do not have to put up with a man hanging around your personal space for any longer than you want.

Witchling · 30/06/2025 11:28

CoastalCalm · 30/06/2025 07:46

Just buy some earplugs ?

So she can sleep in her own bed - he is staying, not living there.

You could get a blow up bed for him to sleep on in the other room though, its not a sofa bed. I personally think that if he wants to sleep at your place then he needs to compromise

Redpeach · 30/06/2025 11:31

Id get the tv out if the bedroom for a start, he can retrain his sleep.patterns

BMW6 · 30/06/2025 11:54

Stop being a martyr OP. Tell him he cant sleep over anymore unless he takes the sofa.

Don't ever give up your own bed for any man - particularly big girls blouses.

Original poster
2amClub · 30/06/2025 11:54

Thank you everyone for your responses. He knew I was fuming when he woke up, and stayed in the bedroom for quite a while. When he finally showed his face, I let him have it and he didn’t have much to say for himself tbh! I then said I was going back to bed, needed my bedroom for myself and he should go home. He got his stuff and pretty much left without even saying goodbye - says a lot really!

OP posts:
MyMilchick · 30/06/2025 12:00

AnotherGreyMorning · 30/06/2025 04:10

The sofa triggers trauma for him? 😂

He saw you coming, didn't he?

lmao, I know right? fucks sake, tell him he can't stay over anymore

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/06/2025 19:13

2amClub · 30/06/2025 07:33

Sorry, my tiredness is catching up with me - I meant my partner’s exes and what they used to make him do - apologises for the typo!

Show quote history

"Exes". Multiple exes made your current bf sleep on the couch? It's a trigger for him now? Have you suggested he sleep on your couch? How did this even enter into conversation?

Hayley1256 · 30/06/2025 19:16

Can he not just buy a silent fan to have at yours? We have one you can't even hear and I'm always leaving it on by mistake

Lucyccfc68 · 30/06/2025 19:21

Good for you OP - giving him what for.

Anyone that cries over sleeping on a sofa seriously needs to be told to go home (don’t have him back - he sounds like a proper selfish man-child)

Zempy · 30/06/2025 20:03

No tv on. No fan. He doesn’t like it, he fucks off.

He sounds utterly pathetic.

Missj25 · 30/06/2025 22:44

2amClub · 30/06/2025 02:15

Boyfriend is currently staying at my house overnight. My bedroom is too warm for him, so he brings in the fan. Now I can’t sleep because there’s too much background noise (he also has to have the tv on to be able to fall asleep).

I can turn the fan off, but then I have to hear/feel him tossing and turning because of the heat. I’ve now had to retreat to the living room to try and sleep without the noise, but now I’m not comfortable and unable to sleep anyway. For reference, I have chronic illnesses including arthritis so my knees are hurting sleeping on the sofa and it makes me feel quite unwell when I don’t get enough sleep - boyfriend knows all of this.

Boyfriend finds sleeping on the sofa triggering for issues to do with his ex, so naturally he didn’t offer to come in the living room with the fan instead and when I said I was unable to sleep, just offered up a “oh, I’m sorry!” and that was it.

AIBU to be fucking pissed off right now being unable to sleep in my own bed in my own house and thinking that he should be sleeping on the sofa instead because it’s him that needs the fan on?!

OP , you should have just said , I need my bed & you have to have the sofa !
End of ..
Don’t see what all the dramatics is about & loads of dramatic responses 🤷🏻‍♀️

iamnotalemon · 30/06/2025 23:33

He’s a CF isn’t he!

Codlingmoths · 01/07/2025 00:22

Hayley1256 · 30/06/2025 19:16

Can he not just buy a silent fan to have at yours? We have one you can't even hear and I'm always leaving it on by mistake

There is still the tv on! I’d go insane trying to go to sleep with the tv on, would not even attempt to tolerate that one single night in my own house. It would be divorce territory if my dh thought about trying it because he’d essentially be saying I’ve decided to make our bedroom somewhere you cannot sleep, and that’s not a marriage.

SnowFrogJelly · 01/07/2025 01:01

2amClub · 30/06/2025 02:15

Boyfriend is currently staying at my house overnight. My bedroom is too warm for him, so he brings in the fan. Now I can’t sleep because there’s too much background noise (he also has to have the tv on to be able to fall asleep).

I can turn the fan off, but then I have to hear/feel him tossing and turning because of the heat. I’ve now had to retreat to the living room to try and sleep without the noise, but now I’m not comfortable and unable to sleep anyway. For reference, I have chronic illnesses including arthritis so my knees are hurting sleeping on the sofa and it makes me feel quite unwell when I don’t get enough sleep - boyfriend knows all of this.

Boyfriend finds sleeping on the sofa triggering for issues to do with his ex, so naturally he didn’t offer to come in the living room with the fan instead and when I said I was unable to sleep, just offered up a “oh, I’m sorry!” and that was it.

AIBU to be fucking pissed off right now being unable to sleep in my own bed in my own house and thinking that he should be sleeping on the sofa instead because it’s him that needs the fan on?!

The fan I would allow but the tv? What a baby!