To be fucking pissed off about this?

[2amClub]

Boyfriend is currently staying at my house overnight. My bedroom is too warm for him, so he brings in the fan. Now I can’t sleep because there’s too much background noise (he also has to have the tv on to be able to fall asleep).

I can turn the fan off, but then I have to hear/feel him tossing and turning because of the heat. I’ve now had to retreat to the living room to try and sleep without the noise, but now I’m not comfortable and unable to sleep anyway. For reference, I have chronic illnesses including arthritis so my knees are hurting sleeping on the sofa and it makes me feel quite unwell when I don’t get enough sleep - boyfriend knows all of this.

Boyfriend finds sleeping on the sofa triggering for issues to do with his ex, so naturally he didn’t offer to come in the living room with the fan instead and when I said I was unable to sleep, just offered up a “oh, I’m sorry!” and that was it.

AIBU to be fucking pissed off right now being unable to sleep in my own bed in my own house and thinking that he should be sleeping on the sofa instead because it’s him that needs the fan on?!

He's done a number on you, having you believe he's triggered by a fucking sofa.
Why on earth have you subjected yourself to a night of conditions that fuck your body, whilst Little Lord Fauntleroy snuffles like a pig in truffles on YOUR bed.
He's dick.

He’s an entitled prick.

He should go home.

How is he triggered by a sofa???

How is he triggered by a sofa???

Triggering to sleep on the sofa! Good grief.

Why isn’t he triggered by you being on the sofa? I guess he doesn’t care about that

Blow up bed for the sitting room, earplugs and eye mask, headband earphones so he can listen to noise until he falls asleep.

Tell him to fuck off home.

No one would ever kick me out of my own bed. He's talking through his arse and being a selfish twat. Don't tolerate this.

So does he sit on the sofa during the day? 👀👀

This sums it up beautifully ^

Yeah fuck that. His trauma, his problem. You take your sofa back.

I’m not getting the drama
he can’t sleep with the fan off you can’t sleep with it on

give him 3 choices
fan off
sleep on sofa
go home

I don’t know why you didn’t say something when he turned up with the fan

tbf plenty of people sleep with a fan on and it’s completely normal to them so I’d presume that’s why he’d think it’s a none issue

I wanted a fan, my DH didn't because of the noise. So he bought me a Dyson almost silent fan. I have it on low aimed at me on my side of the bed....we are both happy.
If he won't try and solve the problem, he goes....simple.

Are you able to afford an air con unit? Not cheap I know… having it on a couple of hours before bedtime does wonders for the bedroom in the heat though. Sorry you’re not feeling well OP.

I can’t believe it took that many posts before someone mentioned this.

Triggered over a sofa. 🤣

i do think part of the issue in uk is we use sleep as a synonym for sex - you can retain the intimacy and then sort out the optimal snoozing environment and be far happier!

my bed, my rules but our solutions:-

I sleep in my own bed.
You can join if you don’t disturb me too much. If not then you are welcome to the sofa.

I will not tolerate tv noise.
You can use headphones for yourself or we can consider a podcast on low volume designed for sleep. These will run on a timer which stops after 90 mins and will not run all night.

I can’t sleep with the noise/temperature of a fan. (Though I suspect you could be ok with fan if no tv?)
We can upgrade to a silent fan which will only run on a timer. If I am too cold I will use a blanket (btw DH and I have separate duvets on our main bed, scandi style, and it’s a gamechanger).

if you need to sleep elsewhere in my house, you can use the sofa or floor or we can upgrade it to a sofa bed, or you can get an airbed / futon etc to keep here if it turns out we are incompatible in sleeping (snoozing) together.

He’s beyond selfish OP. The “sofa trigger” thing… just wow.

Send him home.

Nope nope. I had similar but it was snoring related. I kicked him out onto the sofa (at my house), relationship was over a week later. Sleep and selfishness over sleep had been a problem the whole time.

He finds sleeping on the sofa triggering? God help us if we go to war.

I know!

You're sleeping on the sofa in your own house because it "triggers" him?? Just NO!

I was ready to tell you that you should be a bit more compassionate given how hot it is at the moment … but after reading your whole post. He’s a selfish man!
I dated someone last year who always wanted to sleep with the windows open (even when it was freezing outside!). Me on the other hand, I really feel the cold and hate sleeping with windows open because of this (and my irrational fear of spiders!)
When we slept at his house- windows were open, his house his rules… but when we stayed at mine he’d also insist on having the windows open, despite knowing how much I hated being cold!
It was a small but very real indicator to how selfish he was and ultimately lots more came out to evidence this and we are no longer together.
I’ll never let a man dictate to me how I keep my home!