To be fucking pissed off about this?

[2amClub]

Boyfriend is currently staying at my house overnight. My bedroom is too warm for him, so he brings in the fan. Now I can’t sleep because there’s too much background noise (he also has to have the tv on to be able to fall asleep).

I can turn the fan off, but then I have to hear/feel him tossing and turning because of the heat. I’ve now had to retreat to the living room to try and sleep without the noise, but now I’m not comfortable and unable to sleep anyway. For reference, I have chronic illnesses including arthritis so my knees are hurting sleeping on the sofa and it makes me feel quite unwell when I don’t get enough sleep - boyfriend knows all of this.

Boyfriend finds sleeping on the sofa triggering for issues to do with his ex, so naturally he didn’t offer to come in the living room with the fan instead and when I said I was unable to sleep, just offered up a “oh, I’m sorry!” and that was it.

AIBU to be fucking pissed off right now being unable to sleep in my own bed in my own house and thinking that he should be sleeping on the sofa instead because it’s him that needs the fan on?!

He is prioritising his wants over your needs. This selfish manchild needs to go home to his own bed.

😆

I'd pop earplugs in and wear a sleep mask.
But, I'd likely resent it and start a mental pros and cons list. 😂

Sounds like you shouldn’t have him stay over at all, if you don’t have a spare bed. There’s too many incompatibilities and sleep is more important than sharing a bed. As a PP said, you can still be intimate without needing to be in the same bed overnight. Remember this and don’t have him plan to stay over in the heat (The rest of the time it’s up to you how annoying the tv thing is). It’s so much worse trying to deal with it in the moment when you’re tired, hot and annoyed by each other. The sofa triggering is ridiculous too. He just doesn’t want to sleep there which is fair enough, but then he should go home.

Crazy. Send him home. If the weather is predicted to be hot, he doesn’t get to stay and he doesn’t get to tell you being on the sofa is ‘triggering’. What a load of shite.

There's a film called Killer Sofa. When people sit on it, it comes to life and absorbs them into it. It then grows more demonic with each person it had consumed.

Is this film the reason for his sofa PTSD? ( SPTSD)

I hope he's in his own bed at home right now and you got some sleep OP.

Turn the TV off and stay in your own bed.

He can have the fan as his background noise, and physical pain trumps upset feelings when it comes to the couch.

He’s quite the precious thing isn’t he?

Just waiting to find out how you can be triggered by a sofa

Boyfriend finds sleeping on the sofa triggering for issues to do with his ex

How could you be arsed with this? Get rid.

Your bed is your bed and you want the room to be silent in the night time. If he wants to share your bed he has to accept those two golden principles. He really has done a number on you if he's told you he is triggered by a bloody sofa!

The most overused word at the moment is ‘triggering’. Why can’t he sleep without the tv on? Is he 5?

Boyfriend finds sleeping on the sofa triggering for issues to do with his ex

how very convenient.
does it only trigger trauma when he lies on in or is he unable to sit on it too?

if it was a sofa or the street I’m confident he’d manage to force himself to lie down on a sofa

maybe you need to find it triggering because of issues to do with your current boyfriend and maybe you cant sleep on the sofa either…

I honestly couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who needs a tv to sleep

Suck it up tonight & going forward don’t let it happen again.
let him stay at his own place until it gets cooler or buy ear plus.

If he can't sleep in your house, in your way, then he's welcome to go home to his own house. I don't understand why the background noise of the fan would be stopping you sleeping any more than the unbearable heat without the fan would, but it's your room so you should get to do it your way. The TV thing is unacceptable too, unless it's set to turn off after half an hour or so then it's going to be burbling away all night.

If he's triggered by the sofa (which is weird in itself) then he has a bed of his own he can go to. You shouldn't have to move. In future tell him this in advance instead of stomping about the house like a sulky child at 2am while he hogs your bed and sleeps like a baby.

I’m back to reply - after a fabulous 3 hours of broken sleep!

Normally I don’t mind the TV so much - it’s annoying at times - but I usually make sure it’s on about a 1 or 2 volume wise and I’m usually so tired in general that I manage to go off. The fan was just too much on top of that last night (mine is quite noisy).

The sofa… so, my ex has these nightmare things. In previous relationships, when he had one and disturbed his partner’s sleep they would make him sleep on the sofa rather than helping/comforting him therefore he now finds it triggering - apparently. He slept on the sofa once here (I can’t remember why!) and cried about it the next morning.

Had I not wanted the neighbours to come knocking at 2-3am this morning complaining, I would have completely lost my shit when I walked back into the bedroom for something to find that he had turned the fan off and hadn’t even bothered to come and tell me so I could go back to sleep in the bed - absolutely raging this morning and can see it ending up in a big argument once he is awake!!

One that hopefully shows him the door for good.

The traumatic sofa thing is pathetic and absolute bollocks. Put this one back OP.

Not pleasant. If it was just a one off, don't do it again. It sounds as though you are not compatible. Why on earth does he have to hve the TV on when sleeping?

I think I'd give this one a miss or just not do all nighters.

I don't want to mock someone having a really hard time. If he's crying and these are genuine tears of crying then he needs to be seeing a doctor and a therapist.

Otherwise he's a bullshitting chancer. Both possibilities are pretty discomforting for me.

Do you want this shit in your life. There will be a whole world of problems associated with this one.

The sofa… so, my ex has these nightmare things.

"my ex"...has a decision already been made about this selfish man?

Please don’t let this relationship continue to the point of moving in together……he is selfish, inconsiderate and thoughtless. You deserve better.

Is he also triggered by doing the washing up, picking up his dirty socks, and making an effort to please you in bed?

Sorry, my tiredness is catching up with me - I meant my partner’s exes and what they used to make him do - apologises for the typo!

Christ, this man sounds like hard work.