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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:28

@Kimwestonhelplessim not defending him AT all but outside of the things ive mentioned he does have a good bond with DC and DC alway smiles with him - he apart the things im mentioning is good with him. I don’t worry he’s going to intentionally do him harm. It’s that his arrogance cannot deal with any criticism from anyone or even pointing something out could be done a better way often goes wrong. I have to really think now about how I say things and even if it’s framed nicely it can be ridiculed or dismissed. I’m sure some of my concerns at times are silly but so what? I just had a baby ffs

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 08:30

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:11

@Barnbrackno he’s very high in IQ and this is the issue. Because he is clever at a lot of logical things in daily life he spans that to all areas of life and thinks he knows best with everything and I believe that’s why we are having these issues.

He's cruel and abusive. That's the problem. There are no positives here.

Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 08:31

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:28

@Kimwestonhelplessim not defending him AT all but outside of the things ive mentioned he does have a good bond with DC and DC alway smiles with him - he apart the things im mentioning is good with him. I don’t worry he’s going to intentionally do him harm. It’s that his arrogance cannot deal with any criticism from anyone or even pointing something out could be done a better way often goes wrong. I have to really think now about how I say things and even if it’s framed nicely it can be ridiculed or dismissed. I’m sure some of my concerns at times are silly but so what? I just had a baby ffs

He is intentionally doing him harm

Mmhmmn · 30/06/2025 08:31

A cloth that’s been used on the floor shouldn’t be going back near the sink at all 🤮

Foolsgold74 · 30/06/2025 08:32

The fragile ego of a man is unimportant and shouldn't be pandered to when a babys safety is at risk (or at any other time for that matter). Who cares if he's intelligent and can out-wit you in an argument. It doesn't make him the boss of you.

Mmhmmn · 30/06/2025 08:35

If there’s a reputable source online that says babies shouldn’t be picked up by their arms (not sure why he would even think of doing it though - weird) show or send him that to read and absorb in his own time. He obvs can’t take criticism or verbal instruction, however it’s framed.

Kimwestonhelpless · 30/06/2025 08:39

Op I wasn't having a go but if he's that clever he should know not to press on baby's soft spot.theres a lot he's done that's very questionable to say the least.

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:39

He didn’t press he he patted his head @Kimwestonhelpless

OP posts:
namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:40

I also didn’t take what you said as having a go I can see you seem to genuinely want to help @Kimwestonhelpless

OP posts:
Kimwestonhelpless · 30/06/2025 08:40

I give up.

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:41

@MmhmmnI honestly just think he thinks he is playing because when he does it he isn’t doing it maliciously, in. Not excusing it at all before posters jump on me.

he has pets so when I mentioned it if there’s any defense I will say I’m going. To pick one of his pets up by the tail or the arms - would he be ok with it.(I’m obviously not going to do that but feel it’s an analogy that might make him see sense)

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 08:41

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:39

He didn’t press he he patted his head @Kimwestonhelpless

Who pats a soft spot? What possible reason is there to do that?

He's abusive

You're making excuses

You'll end up on the news and we'll all be devastated that no one got through to you

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:42

@Kimwestonhelpless what do you mean?

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 30/06/2025 08:46

Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 08:41

Who pats a soft spot? What possible reason is there to do that?

He's abusive

You're making excuses

You'll end up on the news and we'll all be devastated that no one got through to you

He didn't even pat it, he slapped baby's head so hard, she heard it from another room.

Gettingamixedresponse · 30/06/2025 08:48

I completely understand your predicament @namechangesafe and I think some posters are ignoring how vulnerable and unsure you feel at the moment. I repeat - if it feels wrong and too rough, it is. Don’t be railroaded and forced to go against your instinct. He has to be told that no, he must not treat your child like that. You have to take charge here. Find a strong voice and get backing from anyone that can help you get your point across (HV, family). He is NOT right. I’ve seen exactly this kind of stupidity before. DO NOT allow him to ride roughshod over your maternal instincts. He is wrong.

partyboat356 · 30/06/2025 08:53

I would be more worried about the arms. It's putting unnecessary strain on the arm sockets, back and neck.. How would he like it if someone giant size came along and lifted HIM by the arms?

researchers3 · 30/06/2025 08:55

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:57

Ok thank you all for responses. I will bring it up and hope it doesn’t create an argument but if it does so be it.

this is part of the problem I feel confidence is completely eroded with parenting and calling things out. My reality feels distorted and it’s difficult for me to make judgements right now.

i don’t know if it’s because im a bad decision maker or hormones I have no idea but I feel emotionally worn down.

Its not good that you are doubting yourself so much.

This is a really vulnerable time for you op.

I do agree that your baby needs to come before your husbands arrogance and ego but I also think you should chat to someone about how you're feeling and what's going on in your marriage. It sounds like an unhealthy relationship (his behaviour).

My ex H always knew best too. 🙄It's very wearing.

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 09:00

@PeapodMcgeesorry but that’s a complete inaccuracy it was not that loud I heard it from another room. It happened in front of me

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 30/06/2025 09:02

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 09:00

@PeapodMcgeesorry but that’s a complete inaccuracy it was not that loud I heard it from another room. It happened in front of me

Ah must have been another poster I'm thinking of with a dickhead for a husband then, apologies.

Imisscoffee2021 · 30/06/2025 09:06

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:06

@Gettingamixedresponseyou are spot on, he is really worried of spoiling the child or making him soft. Which I’ve said is ridiculous because he’s a BABY

This man isn't safe to parent a baby. He sounds toxic, with stupid ideas of machismo he's applying to the baby. A baby cant be soft, all they need is love, affection, safety and sustenance. If anyone of those is withheld in the interests of "not making a baby soft" then that's a form of abuse. He's applying adult logic to a tiny baby who looks to you both for everything right now. Please protect your baby. Its not long ago that my son was a baby so excuse the emotive language but this is just so painful to read as a fellow mother, it hurts as it should.

Is there anyone you can reach out to? Do you plan to stay with this man?

Screamingabdabz · 30/06/2025 09:10

Jeez op. Wake up. Listen to what people are saying.

It’s serious. Your husband is abusing your baby.

Please talk to your HV and ask for their help to get your child away from this disgusting piece of shit man.

Imisscoffee2021 · 30/06/2025 09:11

To add I really empathise with you as a new mother, the hormones are dreadful and you feel like you're going crazy at times, your mind isn't your own. When I went through it my husband was such a steady support, and although we tiffed more than we ever did before as we were tired and had a new baby to deal with with a dairy allergy and who wouldn't sleep in a cot, we were eachothers support and respite from the stress.

It's really sad that your husband is critical of you and your parenting at a time when your brain is so overwhelmed and youre more likely to swcond guess yourself, when you need support most. Does he not know what you've been through physically by giving birth?

beforetherain20 · 30/06/2025 09:13

I don’t understand why he has lifted baby up by the arms anyway as it’s such an awkward and dangerous thing to do
I don’t have children and even I know not to do that so WHY is he doing it?!

CrackingOn50 · 30/06/2025 09:17

@namechangesafe Professionally I've seen men like this with and their behaviours escalate to horrendous things like nipping/pinching the baby, covering baby's face, painful restraining, holding under bath water and biting. Some of these infants have ended up dead.
It normally starts with incidents like the ones you've described (propping bottle and choking risks, pulling babies' arms, leaving to cry until sick with no soothing etc) that can first be seen as accidental/ambiguous.

These behaviours escalate and your child is in danger.

Lolapusht · 30/06/2025 09:22

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:11

@Barnbrackno he’s very high in IQ and this is the issue. Because he is clever at a lot of logical things in daily life he spans that to all areas of life and thinks he knows best with everything and I believe that’s why we are having these issues.

No, you are having issues because he is abusive.

Just because someone is intelligent doesn’t mean they’re right.

What is your basis for saying he’s got a high IQ? Did he tell you that? Do you think he’s noticeably more intelligent than other people know? Would you say you’re intelligent? How do you compare to each other?