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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
PopeJoan2 · 30/06/2025 03:54

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/06/2025 22:57

A friend once told me that she’d been known to wipe her kids’ faces with the floor cloth when there was nothing else handy. Both now healthy adults with dcs of their own. And both Oxford graduates incidentally - maybe floorcloth germs are good for the brain…

Okay…this is how you get your kids to Oxbridge. Wipe their face with the cloth you use to clean floors. Much easier than forking out for private tuition.

Fleene · 30/06/2025 04:01

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:21

@MidnightPatroltried it, his response is that when DC are in his care he can parent how he sees fit and when DC are my care he will also leave me to it. And that’s that.

Yeah that's not how it works. He sounds arrogant.
Don't care about the cloth thing but if he dislocates his kid's shoulder he won't be feeling like such a know-it-all will he.

Bikergran · 30/06/2025 04:09

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:20

Because it’s a baby and hence why bottles are sterilised etc, it’s different for my own dishes because my immune system is much stronger @Wolfpa

No, it's bleaching everything that weakens baby's immune systems. Dirt is good!!!

JIMER202 · 30/06/2025 04:31

I really feel for you OP. He’s making your life and your postpartum period awful and miserable. He is doing things that don’t sit right and your gut is telling you they aren’t ok. Using a dirty cloth, not letting you give baby a blanket, criticizing how you wash bottles, pouring water on babies face (wtf!!), dangling him by his arms?!

He is only 3 months and you as his mother have to protect him. Your partner is being really unkind and spiteful to you and everything he is doing with and to baby is to try and control you and then tell you that you can’t say anything.

Him creating an atmosphere where you feel your own mother can’t even support you is really awful. Don’t let him isolate you, keep venting on here and in real life. Let your mother stay in the loop.

My husband gets extremely arsey if I criticize how he is doing stuff with our kids but I say it anyway. Sometimes it leads to disagreements but I won’t back down if it’s something like the arm pulling or leaving baby to cry. My husband would never leave our child to cry or deliberately put water in their face, this stuff is a bit off and next time I’d challenge him on it. Do you realise you’re getting water in babies eyes, why would you do it? If he wants to make it an argument then so be it. You are your son’s voice.

mathanxiety · 30/06/2025 05:16

Your husband chose the wrong cloth and is not man enough to admit it.

Of course the dishcloth/ floorcloth is not the cloth to use to wipe the baby's face. I can't believe there are (presumably) mothers here who think it was ok.

Sorry you're dealing with a manchild. This is the main issue.

The pair of you have a long eighteen years of parenting ahead. His inability or refusal to take constructive criticism is going to corrode your relationship past the point of no return if it is left unaddressed.

I know youre probably both tired, and it's hard to find a babysitter, but you need to hash this out with a marriage counselor before his bad habit becomes his default response.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/06/2025 05:46

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:33

@Namechangeanyes I do think I’m contributing to the issue I agree with your post.

thing is all I want is best for my baby and it’s hurting me that we can’t just try and work towards that but he sees my view as what’s best for baby as over protective. This is where we are clashing

You are still whining about yourself, every post. Meanwhile YOUR HUSBAND IS DRAGGING YOUR BABY AROUND BY HIS HANDS.

RazzleDazz1e · 30/06/2025 05:57

Furthermore, your other post where you describe your husband leaving your baby to cry until being sick you described your husband touching your baby’s soft spot and laughing. Despite you telling him not to. PROTECT YOUR BABY.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/06/2025 06:01

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 23:20

@bigboykittyit wasn’t minus degrees is he as spring weather. Still not ok as we all know even in summer 10pm in the UK is often chilly but yes he says he is dressing baby for the indoor temperature and the short trip to the car is fine even if cold.

he makes me feel silly for packing three sets of spare clothes in his bag (even though his gran said she often uses them), he criticised me once because I packed clothes and forgot the nappy I think it was and he said I forget the important things but he’s got lots of clothes. Totally unecessary.

apparently though he praises me to everyone else so they tell me.

OP you are still focussing on your husband.

You are refusing to hear that your baby is at risk of injury or death from your abusive, controlling psychopathic husband who is deliberating being cruel to your baby in order to hurt you.

Please PM one of the posters on this thread with your name and address so they can call the police and social services to remove the baby from you.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/06/2025 06:04

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 23:23

@Werpi don’t see what it will solve - it’s why I see the therapist

It will solve your baby from being killed by your husband.

WaltzingWaters · 30/06/2025 06:40

Really grim. (I also wouldn’t use a cloth to wipe the floor and then use it to wash dishes).

A young baby also should not be dragged along by their arms, no.

Imisscoffee2021 · 30/06/2025 07:28

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:14

@Imisscoffee2021its nothing to do with him getting wet as he has no problem pouring water over his head during bath time a lot (this also annoys me but I don’t say anything as I realise it isn’t harmful just unnecessary for a three month old ImO who is blinking because of the water).

It might be harmful if he breathes in and aspirates water if its alot :( I feel for you, I can't imagine seeing your DH act this way towards baby and you. It's such a time to be gentle with a child, and be a team with your wife/partner as post partum can be hell with the sleep deprivation and hormones as it is!

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 07:29

@Imisscoffee2021hes basically wringing the cloth out over his head thinks he’s playing

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 07:31

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 07:29

@Imisscoffee2021hes basically wringing the cloth out over his head thinks he’s playing

Use your critical thinking skills woman. Is he generally of very low IQ? If not then why would you think he'd be this stupid? It's deliberate. It's to torture you and see how much he can torture the baby

Foolsgold74 · 30/06/2025 07:38

mathanxiety · 30/06/2025 05:16

Your husband chose the wrong cloth and is not man enough to admit it.

Of course the dishcloth/ floorcloth is not the cloth to use to wipe the baby's face. I can't believe there are (presumably) mothers here who think it was ok.

Sorry you're dealing with a manchild. This is the main issue.

The pair of you have a long eighteen years of parenting ahead. His inability or refusal to take constructive criticism is going to corrode your relationship past the point of no return if it is left unaddressed.

I know youre probably both tired, and it's hard to find a babysitter, but you need to hash this out with a marriage counselor before his bad habit becomes his default response.

No you do not. It's absolutely critical that you DO NOT go to counselling with a man like this. It cannot be said loud enough or often enough. Do not even consider it.

Springadorable · 30/06/2025 07:39

PopeJoan2 · 29/06/2025 22:34

Sorry, what? Because the dishcloth is used on the floor as well as dishes it is ok to wipe the poor baby’s face with it?

Op, your dh is out of order in both regards.

No, I'm saying there's no way I would do it. But if the general approach in the house is that you use a rag that is covered in floor grime to supposedly clean dishes which you eat off and that's ok, it's hardly the biggest leap to quickly wipe a baby's face with it.

Lolapusht · 30/06/2025 07:43

RazzleDazz1e · 30/06/2025 05:57

Furthermore, your other post where you describe your husband leaving your baby to cry until being sick you described your husband touching your baby’s soft spot and laughing. Despite you telling him not to. PROTECT YOUR BABY.

WTAF?! 😱

If he did that, he was laughing about touching your baby’s brain. You know what a soft spot is, yes and why it needs to be protected? He was LAUGHING while deliberately touching it.

OP - THIS MAN IS DANGEROUS.

YOU NEED TO LEAVE.

TELL YOUR MUM/GP/HEALTH VISITOR TODAY.

Lolapusht · 30/06/2025 07:45

You also don’t “play” with a newborn. You keep them safe and interact with them. Playing like that comes much later if at all.

What did he do that you’re mum called him out on?

Gettingamixedresponse · 30/06/2025 07:47

It seems to me @namechangesafe that he’s trying to ‘toughen the child up’ in that stupid way some men do. And you objecting to any of it (face wiping with a dirty cloth, picking him up roughly) is nanby-pamby. He’s a dick who won’t be told. I’ve seen this exact thing with a friends husband. He knew fucking everything. Follow your instincts. Deep breath. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Don’t doubt your instinct.

RazzleDazz1e · 30/06/2025 07:55

How much longer are you going to let this go on, OP? Here’s your post of 7th June on another thread:

“safetyfirst1 · 07/06/2025 17:34

**I have started to, but another example he patted the top of his head not softly but not really hard either but heard enough that I worried about babies soft spot, and I didn’t know if he knew babies had this.
I said don’t touch him there as he has a soft spot and it isn’t good for them to which he did it again and laughed.
He genuinely thought it was amusing and that I was being over reacting.
Is a fairly soft pat on a newborns head me over reacting? I feel like I’ve almost lost sense and confidence of when I should and shouldn’t step in. And even if I was I just think he should let me know given I’m a new mom just protecting my son.”

This was nearly 4 weeks ago along with your husband letting your baby cry for 20 minutes until he was sick. PLEASE re-read your old thread and try to organise your thoughts- difficult as it may be in your situation…. your baby needs you. If it helps send the thread links to a family member. Please get help, before it’s too late.

TicklishSheep · 30/06/2025 07:55

You need to protect your child. He is a vulnerable tiny baby and it is your job to protect him. He has no one else.

You must know that your husband’s behaviour is inappropriate and dangerous. If you can’t see that, get some advice from your GP or health visitor and sign up to a parenting course asap. The dishcloth thing is disgusting but it’s so not the main issue.

You must call out your husband every single time, even if it causes an argument. Surely it is better to be single and have your baby safe than sit by passively and watch this arsehole harm your baby.

You need to DO SOMETHING. At least tell your mother what’s been happening for goodness sake. Maybe she will help you see sense.

Owlette2 · 30/06/2025 07:58

This is so sad to read, your poor baby deserves better 💔

You know it’s wrong why the hell aren’t you protecting this poor baby, had I been lucky enough to be able to have children nothing and no one would have stopped me protecting them.

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:06

@Gettingamixedresponseyou are spot on, he is really worried of spoiling the child or making him soft. Which I’ve said is ridiculous because he’s a BABY

OP posts:
Kimwestonhelpless · 30/06/2025 08:10

He's a grade A idiot..the baby is 3months old.
The baby doesn't need to toughen up.
Don't let your baby become a news headline.

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:11

@Barnbrackno he’s very high in IQ and this is the issue. Because he is clever at a lot of logical things in daily life he spans that to all areas of life and thinks he knows best with everything and I believe that’s why we are having these issues.

OP posts:
BlueSeagull · 30/06/2025 08:26

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:11

@Barnbrackno he’s very high in IQ and this is the issue. Because he is clever at a lot of logical things in daily life he spans that to all areas of life and thinks he knows best with everything and I believe that’s why we are having these issues.

No you have these issues because HE is hurting your baby YOU need to decide where your priorities are before this situation becomes a headline