To think no one is that busy

[Monknk]

My brother visits our parents once a year, around Christmas. Aside from this it's a weekly phone call once a week, mainly to stop our mother from bothering him.
When he visits,
he comes out with the usual, "I wish I could visit more but I'm just too busy."
This week my mother fell and hurt herself at home. She is fairly shaken up and more of the caring burden has fallen on our DF and, to a lesser extent, me.

I feel increasingly resentful of him and my mother because in her eyes, he can do no wrong. He lives an hour away by car and has 1 toddler.

AIBU to think he could make an effort but just cannot be arsed.

Yeah I agree with you. If he wanted to, he would.

YANBU. He’s not busy, he’s lazy, and he knows you’ll shoulder the burden.

He is busy
just doing things he wants to do

It doesn't sound like he's very close to any of you, really.

He's not obliged to visit if he doesn't want to. Do your parents visit him?

Busy just means prioritising other things, basically.

Everyone is "busy" but it's about whether something is a priority for you and unfortunately it seems seeing your mother is not a priority for him.

How far away is he?

Sounds like you need to do less but instead of doing less you resent your brother.

Without knowing what he and his partner do for work, it's impossible to say.

Do they tag team, working shifts? In the NHS or emergency services? Teaching ? Working more than one job? Is their toddler sleeping? Is his wife well?

Specifically ask him to do more and see what he says.

I've said it before but most of these "too busy" people are just ordinary people, living ordinary lives with modest achievements. Very few will do anything exceptional. "Too busy" is mostly a euphemism for "can't be bothered" or "this isn't a priority for us".

Both have flexible 9-5 jobs, and he works from home most days. They don't have second jobs and both are physically fine. They go on 3 or 4 holidays aboard.

He cannot be arsed. Today, when he phoned, he told our mum that he loves her x 5 times. I think, if you love someone, you can take 3 hours every few months, to come and check up on them.

YABU to think that he is being unreasonable because he doesn't prioritise what you think he should prioritise.

If he prioritised your parents, he'd visit more and do more. Him saying he is busy just means he prioritises other things higher than your parents... whether that be his hobbies or scrolling on his phone...

You just have different priorities

Don't get into the habit of being around there 24/7. It sounds harsh but establish boundaries. If they need help, hire carers. Don't let them think you can drop everything to come running

Have you tried talking to him about it? What would happen if you told him that it's becoming a struggle for you and your DF and he needs to step up a bit and visit more often?

This. I have 2 like this and they don't even work.

The more easily he steps away the harder it is for you to not step away.
In other words you are trapped, he knows there's nothing you can do about it and he is milking it.
Unfortunately this tends to be how these things pan out.

He could make time if he wanted.

He doesn't want to.

That doesn't speak well of his character imo, but then I don't know all the history between him and your parents.

Don't waste your breath talking to him, he will just make whatever noises he feels like making and continue to not help at all.
The only way that you will win here is to engineer things such that he has no choice but to step up.
(I'm not sure how this can be achieved)

He cannot be arsed. Today, when he phoned, he told our mum that he loves her x 5 times. I think, if you love someone, you can take 3 hours every few months, to come and check up on them.

Do your parents ring or visit him?

I agree OP, a feeling of love that doesn't motivate you to action is worthless.

Do less for your parents. Make them ask him to do more. I know people who live in Australia who do more for and visit their parents in the UK more than your brother does!

He phones every Sunday because my mother used to phone him every other day and he was too busy to speak to him.
They used to visit but haven't been able to lately as DH has gone down hill and isn't able travel even an hour. She has fallen several times and is now housebound. She will occasionally walk in the garden with the frame, and that is the extend of her activity.

The prodigal son. It’s the same with my brother. No advice to give but sending solidarity.

How can anyone just 'do less'. If people need you, they need you. Of course it's possible to help remotely such as making appointments and phoning banks. The lack of compassion is stunning.

Phone calls every other day sounds quite intense.

I wonder what his story about their relationship would be.

It's not always possible for family to help - that's what paid care is for.