To think no one is that busy

[Monknk]

My brother visits our parents once a year, around Christmas. Aside from this it's a weekly phone call once a week, mainly to stop our mother from bothering him.
When he visits,
he comes out with the usual, "I wish I could visit more but I'm just too busy."
This week my mother fell and hurt herself at home. She is fairly shaken up and more of the caring burden has fallen on our DF and, to a lesser extent, me.

I feel increasingly resentful of him and my mother because in her eyes, he can do no wrong. He lives an hour away by car and has 1 toddler.

AIBU to think he could make an effort but just cannot be arsed.

I am going against the grain here.

Yes, it's about prioritizing, but the OP has said that her mother used to call him every other day. The Sunday call is a compromise, same with the visit once a year. OP's mother sounds very intense, suffocating and tries to be over involved in his life. This would drive most people crazy and make any sort of mutual loving relationship impossible.

In his shoes I would also keep it at maintenance calls and visits, because I would not want a relationship closer than that. The only alternative is to cut contact altogether. OP's mother is not giving the son any opportunity to want a relationship with her.

As for caring responsibilities, neither OP nor her brother are responsible for that and without a close relationship, there is no insensitive to do it except for FOG. This is not love.

Yes, it's about prioritizing, but the OP has said that her mother used to call him every other day.

she went on to say that it was because he had been depressed (maybe suicidal?)

i don't think that's too much. And clearly she no longer does that, maybe as a result of a conversation with him?

I've raised this before with her and becomes defensive. She is old, frail and has a multitude of mental and physical ailments so I haven't bothered raising it with her.
He knows her condition but genuinely cannot be arsed. I'm here and our father is in good nick, so he cannot be bothered to lift a finger.

@Monknk He knows her condition but genuinely cannot be arsed. I'm here and our father is in good nick, so he cannot be bothered to lift a finger. no doubt he will make sure he is there for the will!!!

Those were two separate posts and OP has not said that the frequent calls were due to the depression. You are reaching to link two facts together to justify condemning the brother for not doing more, when really OP should stop martyring herself and do less.

Another one in a similar position here. I live 10 mins from my ailing DM and DF and provide a lot of practical and emotional support.
DB lives in Scotland ( we're in Ireland) and phones them about once every 4 weeks. His wife told me last year they couldn't afford the plane fare over here but a few months ago, the whole family were away on a long haul trip.
His lack of involvement has caused me and DF massive hurt over the years. But he remains DM's golden child who can do no wrong.
I like to think I've accepted it but don't deny, there are times still when it hurts.
Sending you solidarity. Thank you for starting this thread - it has helped me to realise Im not alone ❤️

He doesn't want to see your parents, it got nothing to do with him being busy.

OP... when my mother was alive I was the youngest of 9 siblings. One lived about 15 miles away from her, one lived about 8 miles away, all the rest including me lived within a 5 mile radius. And I alone did about 95% of whatever she needed done, shopping, medical appointments, going at 10 o'clock at night to put a new light bulb in her bedroom !!!! All the others were "too busy", like your brother. Several used the excuse "you do everything so she doesn't need us to do it". She would get a visit from some of them on birthdays, mother's day and Xmas and they all thought that was their duty done and dusted. So living far away doesn't really matter. Your brother clearly wouldn't bother regardless of location. And to be clear, my mother never appreciated a single thing I did. If I'd suggest she got one of the others to help sometimes she'd be furious and would remind me that they were much busier than me !!! I had a house, a husband, 2 kids and a full time job. I was sucked completely in by then though. And could be guilted. I've learned that lesson !!! I did come to realise that she knew full well they just couldn't be bothered and she didn't like to be reminded of the fact. It left me with huge resentment though, both towards her and all of them. So I'd advise you to pull back as much as you can. Help by all means, but think of yourself too.

My mothers's calls lasted about 30 seconds, "How are you? Everything ok? Take care." Not a massive imposition.

Every other day, is overbearing. If my mother did that I would dread the sound of my phone.

I thought you were going to say he lived in Australia. He definitely needs to make more of an effort.

Yeah, same. And I would make excuses to not answer. Tbf that would be true for anyone who called me every other day.

Just wondering how you know in detail so much re call length, frequency, detail .. same with his visits.