Grossed out by new partner walking in when I was showering

[HelenaJl]

I have a fairly new partner, my first after my 10 year marriage ended. I stayed at his for the first time last night and went to have a shower this morning (no lock on the door). A few minutes in my partner walked in and used the loo!! He was sat there trying to talk to me and I didn’t know where to look. When I said afterwards I didn’t expect that he said it shows how comfortable he is around me and that his past relationships have always been like that so it’s just normal these days.

I can tell you in my entire marriage my ex never walked in on me to use the loo and vice versa! I found him sitting there and ‘dropping off’ a right turn off to be honest!

me and my partner have pooed in front of each other for pretty much the whole of our relationship, we also share baths and showers. When I have a bath and his having a poo it’s a chance to actually have a conversation between work,housework,children etc.
I think it depends on person to person.
if I were to start a new relationship I don’t know if I’d be comfortable enough to be this way and probably wouldn’t but I met DP very young so that’s probably why it wasn’t a big deal for us

Wee is fine, poo is better being private. And that’s in a relationship of many years. The fact he’s doing that on your first visit to his house is a massive deal-breaking ick! What a weirdo.

That's absolutely off putting, especially when it's a new partner. A guy I once dated used to burp and fart and talk about his frequent diarrhea...that was bad enough and I got the ick very quickly. Seeing a new partner on the toilet would turn me right off too.

Yes this gross

Wee, fine (we got there fairly early in the relationship). Poo? No, never.

One time DH was in the bath and that house only had the one loo, in the bathroom. I was absolutely desperate for a poo. I asked him to get out of the bath while I did it (really couldn’t wait) and then he got back in later.

Now, if one of us was ill or became incontinent and needed help, that would be different. In sickness and in health. But when you can hold it, or have other toilets to use? Just no.

So it was a deliberate push of your boundaries as he had another choice

He sounds grim as fuck

No it isn't at all usual OP but you probably know that already. Maybe your friends who consider it normal have been married for some time. But this is a new relationship and you really wouldn't expect him to do that in the early flush of romance! I was married for 26 years and my DH never once pooed in front of me. I think once or twice he came in for a wee out of desperation, but that was it. Interesting that he says his ex partners didn't mind - I think the clue lies in the word ex.

Just him walking in without asking when you were showering is wrong but then dropping the kids off at the pool? No no no.

We've been married since 300BC and that wouldn't happen here.

Really ? There’s a huge difference between having sex and seeing someone do a poo.

Wouldn’t bother me but DH is more prissy about these things. 🤣

He’s gonna want all sorts of kinky shit, mark my words.

It's a "fairly new" relationship, so new that this is the first time you've stayed over...that means this is him on his best behavior, OP!!

I can sort of understand some married couples who have been together for decades pooing in front of each other (although DH and I don't do it) but this is supposed to be the honeymoon period, he should still be trying to impress you. That stuff about how great it is that he feels comfortable enough to shit in front of you at this early stage is just odd, does he think he's paying you a compliment??

Doing 💩 are disgusting. "Dump" him immediately.

Sorry.

If someone came in the bathroom and did a poo whilst I was in the shower I think I'd have an actual heart attack what the fuck

Sharing a mutually pleasurable experience really isn’t compatible to someone taking a stinky shit while you’re in the shower -

OK, but would you expect it on the very first night you spent with a new boyfriend?

Why should it matter that his past relationships were all like that!

It shows how he views relationships, just another in a line of women who all act and think alike. He shits in front of women no matter their preference because that's what he does regardless. Gross.

That would be it for me. I'd dump him.

Thanks for the reassurance that it was odd! I don’t think he was boundary pushing, because he was just so blasé about the whole thing!

Quite. Fucking and watching/hearing/smelling someone defecate shouldn't really be classed in the same category in my opinion!

Rank. He has no boundaries. I feel like this is really disrespectful to you OP.

If you only have one bathroom and he was desperate maybe I can see that being okay?? Like if he was on the verge of shitting himself?? But it’s still gross.

My shower comes under “me time” in my book and my DH does not disturb it on pain of death. Very early on in our relationship he would ask if he could “hop in” but he stopped that pretty quickly.

We have seen one another shit but that’s because we both got a horrific stomach bug when we first moved in together and we only had one bathroom… baptism by fire.

Nope. Dh and I have been together 20 years and we’ve never taken a dump in front of each other.

A little bit of mystery is not a bad thing! ✨

Nooo nonono...

I come from a long line of 'door open, chatty toilet users' - happy to wee in front of anyone really, happy to poo in front of close family/DP...

BUT.. if someone is in the shower, no one else poos in there. Thats just disgusting AND fucking rude as the person in the shower cannot escape the stench and suffers the after effects of flushing (shower goes dribbly and hot!).

Being blasé about it is what makes me think it is boundary pushing, ie it's (apparently) so normal and natural that you will seem uptight, prudish etc to expect some privacy in the shower