DH and the washing machine

[recklessgran]

Just looking for some perspective on this as sometimes I think I'm going mad. We returned last night from a week's holiday - obviously with the usual dirty laundry and like most women I'm keen to crack on and get the laundry started and out on the line. This morning DH got the cases in from the car so I thought I'd get the first wash load on ahead of going out to get groceries for us as well as my demented mother to whom I would need to deliver said groceries.[Lives alone with a small care package] and obviously haven't seen her so would need to catch up and make sure she's O.K, etc
DH fully aware of this plan [and the fact that I always start the washing as soon as the cases are in from the car]. He was taking our dog out for a run whilst I cracked on with above jobs. No issue with that - usual routine. However the next thing I can hear the washing machine going so I asked DH what was in the washing machine. Dog towels he says. Dog towels says I? What? Now - today when I've got a case load of dirty holiday washing to do? Yes, you guessed it - all this hot weather and he decides to put a load of muddy dog towels on that he's been storing in his boot since the last wet weather so obviously not newly muddy or needed to be washed today or likely to be used imminently given the current heatwave. He does not understand why under the above circumstances I'm so cross that he has prioritised laundering the bloody dog towels. So, AIBU to be really cross with DH this morning as he seems to think so having just stormed out with said dog ? [So as not to drip feed he has form fror this kind of thing and often has his own agenda where it doesn't occur to him to consider anyone else's needs.]

It may be mildly annoying but with the weather like this we’re getting 3/4 loads dry per day so it’s not really an issue.

Unless he's put it on a really lengthy wash cycle I don't see the problem.

Ugh what an idiot! Hopefully the weekend will stay dry and you can get it all done, but it is frustrating when someone tries to do something useful but just ends up leaving the actual important things to you.

I mean depending how cross you were, I can’t say if the way you acted was unreasonable, but the way you feel definitely is not unreasonable.

I'm amazed you have a husband who knows how to use the machine. Probably used all his mental faculties doing that and there was nothing left to think about holiday laundry.
The towels must have been pretty gross having been stored from wet in the boot 🤮

This is why nobody is allowed anywhere near my washing machine. I know what you’re all thinking;make them do their own, teach them all to use it properly etc. But nope keep away I’ll find you a hundred different jobs.

Can’t you just leave washing by machine and ask him to put it in when he takes the towels out?

YABU for getting back last night and not putting a load on overnight. It could be dry by now.

It’s irritating yes. Not something to be furious about or have a row about though. Just go out and do your mom’s shopping and see her. That sounds much more important than some washing that will still be there tomorrow.

Not worth a row or even a post on MN.

Very irritating but now laundry is his job. You go to shops and visit your mother. He sorts the rest of the washing

Of all the things to get “so cross” about…

He's back already and faffing about in the garden. I'm still waiting for the machine to finish. Thanks for the perspective - guess I've got too much to do today - two lovely house guests turning up this afternoon hence why I wanted to get everything done so we can enjoy their company.

Not worth falling out over. No need to be cross about it. Inwardly roll eyes, put next load ready and tell him to swap them over once the towels are done. If they have been in the back of the car for weeks, they probably stink and need washing /airing more urgently than other things in my system.

I don’t really understand this - the dog towels needed washing so did the cases, why are the cases a priority? Do you want to wear the clothes in them tomorrow?

Your OP doesn’t say you told your DP your plans for the washing machine? I had a load I wanted to do first thing this morning, but I hadn’t told DP and knew there was a risk he might put another load on before me, but that was the risk I was running. In our house, we say “don’t run a wash load, I have plans for washing” and then the other person doesn’t use it.. otherwise bad luck.

Mildly frustrating but not something I would annoyed by.

You can both fit multiple loads of laundry in today.

Why does your agenda trump his?

When the load has finished, pop the dog towels to one side for him to sort out and stick some of the other washing in

I think you are wrong to be annoyed, this is just one of those things where you both have a different idea of how to do things and neither is particularly right or wrong.

🤣🤣

Then the holiday washing really can wait. Just put it in the laundry basket and do it another day. It’s not going to disintegrate if you leave it till next weekend. Honestly, this “must get it done today” rule is just made up in your head pressure and not worth a second thought let alone a row and a horrible atmosphere when your guests arrive.

Great he got them done and then can hang them up and then clean the machine And Get the other loads in

I hope you've left dh's laundry for him to do. Since he knows how to use the machine.

My DH does all the laundry and ironing etc in our house. And most of the cooking. Just to give the other side that ‘not all men’ are totally useless.

"Like most women I'm keen to crack on and get the laundry started"

Sexist bollocks. It doesn't matter, does it, really? It's his washing machine too.

Why didn't you get the dirty laundry out of the car yourself, yesterday if you wanted to put a wash on so desperately?

I would only be annoyed be the dog's stuff would leave hair in the machine which I'd have to clean out before putting a load on. But if I needed the machine urgently and there was only dog towels in it I'd spin and drain it and put it in the sink and rewash it later.

He put the dog towels on, so you switch plans, you get the groceries. It's true that the more you have to do, the less you worry about it. Think about what it took to run a house when your children were small and, as an older person, you've got virtually nothing to do, even with guests arriving and a Mum to pop in on. Although I do the panic to get washing out, then remember that we now have long summers. You need to think things out a bit more and safeguard against unnecessarily inflexible and picky, thinking. I was having this discussion with a woman in her 70s yesterday. We were talking about how happier people are if they don't adopt an 'old' mindset, as they age. Look at each action in the whole scheme of things.

Sounds like you need to unclench - and communicate your plans to DH better in future.
Big generalisation about 'most women' there. Sounds like he was going to fail before he even put the dog blanket wash on.