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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH and the washing machine

137 replies

recklessgran · 28/06/2025 09:54

Just looking for some perspective on this as sometimes I think I'm going mad. We returned last night from a week's holiday - obviously with the usual dirty laundry and like most women I'm keen to crack on and get the laundry started and out on the line. This morning DH got the cases in from the car so I thought I'd get the first wash load on ahead of going out to get groceries for us as well as my demented mother to whom I would need to deliver said groceries.[Lives alone with a small care package] and obviously haven't seen her so would need to catch up and make sure she's O.K, etc
DH fully aware of this plan [and the fact that I always start the washing as soon as the cases are in from the car]. He was taking our dog out for a run whilst I cracked on with above jobs. No issue with that - usual routine. However the next thing I can hear the washing machine going so I asked DH what was in the washing machine. Dog towels he says. Dog towels says I? What? Now - today when I've got a case load of dirty holiday washing to do? Yes, you guessed it - all this hot weather and he decides to put a load of muddy dog towels on that he's been storing in his boot since the last wet weather so obviously not newly muddy or needed to be washed today or likely to be used imminently given the current heatwave. He does not understand why under the above circumstances I'm so cross that he has prioritised laundering the bloody dog towels. So, AIBU to be really cross with DH this morning as he seems to think so having just stormed out with said dog ? [So as not to drip feed he has form fror this kind of thing and often has his own agenda where it doesn't occur to him to consider anyone else's needs.]

OP posts:
redskydelight · 28/06/2025 18:21

I think he's not a mind reader and no reason why he shouldn't wash the dog towels.

If you'd been that desperate to get the washing on, you would have put it on last night. Or actually, can I suggest staying in places that have washing machines, and washing it (or most of it) before you come home?

DiscoBob · 28/06/2025 18:28

Surely it just delayed the wash you wanted to do by an hour or so? Not the end of the world.

You say most women want to immediately do laundry as soon as they return from holiday but I'm not so sure if that's the case. I can't think of anything less appealing/necessary.

But each to her own. I wouldn't get too het up about the fact he blocked the machine for one wash though. In this weather it'll dry super quickly anyway.

Charliemcgee123 · 28/06/2025 18:33

recklessgran · 28/06/2025 09:54

Just looking for some perspective on this as sometimes I think I'm going mad. We returned last night from a week's holiday - obviously with the usual dirty laundry and like most women I'm keen to crack on and get the laundry started and out on the line. This morning DH got the cases in from the car so I thought I'd get the first wash load on ahead of going out to get groceries for us as well as my demented mother to whom I would need to deliver said groceries.[Lives alone with a small care package] and obviously haven't seen her so would need to catch up and make sure she's O.K, etc
DH fully aware of this plan [and the fact that I always start the washing as soon as the cases are in from the car]. He was taking our dog out for a run whilst I cracked on with above jobs. No issue with that - usual routine. However the next thing I can hear the washing machine going so I asked DH what was in the washing machine. Dog towels he says. Dog towels says I? What? Now - today when I've got a case load of dirty holiday washing to do? Yes, you guessed it - all this hot weather and he decides to put a load of muddy dog towels on that he's been storing in his boot since the last wet weather so obviously not newly muddy or needed to be washed today or likely to be used imminently given the current heatwave. He does not understand why under the above circumstances I'm so cross that he has prioritised laundering the bloody dog towels. So, AIBU to be really cross with DH this morning as he seems to think so having just stormed out with said dog ? [So as not to drip feed he has form fror this kind of thing and often has his own agenda where it doesn't occur to him to consider anyone else's needs.]

Take a break and relax, is it really a big deal? No

is it a minor inconvenience, heh tiny but not even worth talking about

just put another load in afterwords and get on with your life

life is too short and precious to hold grudges over a stupid washing machine, he’s actually doing washing, learn to let go a little more and try and focus on what actually matters in life

DedododoDedadada · 28/06/2025 18:37

Yanbu, exactly the sort of thing my oh would do. Makes out he is being helpful but really he is being the opposite.

RhododendronFlowers · 28/06/2025 18:40

Charliemcgee123 · 28/06/2025 18:33

Take a break and relax, is it really a big deal? No

is it a minor inconvenience, heh tiny but not even worth talking about

just put another load in afterwords and get on with your life

life is too short and precious to hold grudges over a stupid washing machine, he’s actually doing washing, learn to let go a little more and try and focus on what actually matters in life

I couldn't agree more. In the scheme of things? Not important.

cryptide · 28/06/2025 18:42

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 28/06/2025 10:02

YABU for getting back last night and not putting a load on overnight. It could be dry by now.

It's only one week's washing. It can wait a day or two.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 28/06/2025 18:47

cryptide · 28/06/2025 18:42

It's only one week's washing. It can wait a day or two.

The PP is joking.

Charliemcgee123 · 28/06/2025 18:53

DedododoDedadada · 28/06/2025 18:37

Yanbu, exactly the sort of thing my oh would do. Makes out he is being helpful but really he is being the opposite.

Sound like a miserable household full of moaning and contempt for unimportant things

Zombiefluff · 28/06/2025 18:55

@redskydelight can I suggest staying in places that have washing machines, and washing it (or most of it) before you come home?

This is the only thing more depressing than the OP’s outlook.

WimbyAce · 28/06/2025 18:56

I think this is more on you inviting people round the day after you get back from holiday. It just piles the pressure on.

supersop60 · 28/06/2025 18:58

Charliemcgee123 · 28/06/2025 18:53

Sound like a miserable household full of moaning and contempt for unimportant things

My dp does the same, as I posted above. He'll put the washing in the machine, and that is all he does. The emptying, hanging up, taking off the line, and delivering to various rooms - that ends up being me.
We don't have a tumble dryer. no space.

Queenofthestonage · 28/06/2025 19:06

I’m quite impressed 😀my husband would have just dumped them on the utility room floor

elm26 · 28/06/2025 19:20

RhododendronFlowers · 28/06/2025 18:08

Nor me. Do you think adults in relationships actually behave like this?

It baffles me! I wouldn’t think twice about it, my DH is helpful when it comes to washing and hanging to dry and I’m grateful for that 😂

On the other hand, I wouldn’t be having guests to stay the day after I got back from holiday.

purplehair1 · 28/06/2025 20:03

Perfect - you leave him to crack on with the washing then as you have other jobs to do.

UnPetitCochon · 28/06/2025 20:12

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 28/06/2025 18:04

But do you also have 2 dishwashers??

No, but when the extension gets done I am getting another one for when we entertain.

ClarityofVision · 28/06/2025 20:31

You both left your cases in the car overnight?! Around here there is a reasonable chance they would have been nicked. Mainly because all the stuff people leave in their cars make it worth the thieves' while to constantly be trying cars.
Why wouldn't you bring your cases in when you got home? YA-both-BU.

Highsmithery · 28/06/2025 20:31

UnPetitCochon · 28/06/2025 20:12

No, but when the extension gets done I am getting another one for when we entertain.

We have 2 dishwashers. One is in the utility room and gets used when we have friends round, or host a few for dinner. It’s so useful.

redskydelight · 28/06/2025 20:52

Zombiefluff · 28/06/2025 18:55

@redskydelight can I suggest staying in places that have washing machines, and washing it (or most of it) before you come home?

This is the only thing more depressing than the OP’s outlook.

Why depressing? That people don't wash by hand?
Or that they'd rather spend 2 minutes putting some dirty washing in the washing machine, rather than deal with it when they get home in conjunction with sorting out going back to work etc?

RhododendronFlowers · 28/06/2025 22:29

Highsmithery · 28/06/2025 20:31

We have 2 dishwashers. One is in the utility room and gets used when we have friends round, or host a few for dinner. It’s so useful.

You must have loads of cutlery and crockery.

Mymanyellow · 29/06/2025 06:03

ThisOldThang · 28/06/2025 17:32

I can't imagine being in a relationship that's so controlling you're not allowed to use the household appliances. How weird.

I’m not in a relationship. Maybe the two things are connected. 😀

Petitchat · 29/06/2025 10:48

elm26 · 28/06/2025 19:20

It baffles me! I wouldn’t think twice about it, my DH is helpful when it comes to washing and hanging to dry and I’m grateful for that 😂

On the other hand, I wouldn’t be having guests to stay the day after I got back from holiday.

Why on earth are you "grateful" for an adult doing a normal adult thing, like laundry?

Why doesn't your DH do the washing and YOU "help"?

Where does this mindset come from?
Where it is the woman's job to do the washing and the man just "helps" ?

A lifetime of brainwashing and copying our mothers, I expect...

DedododoDedadada · 29/06/2025 11:52

Charliemcgee123 · 28/06/2025 18:53

Sound like a miserable household full of moaning and contempt for unimportant things

You know nothing

LindorDoubleChoc · 29/06/2025 12:56

Reading some of the posts on this thread makes me think we've been transported back to the 1950s. I'm quite literally astonished that there are adults who don't know how to use a washing machine.

CommonAsMucklowe · 29/06/2025 19:16

legyeleven · 28/06/2025 10:06

Very irritating but now laundry is his job. You go to shops and visit your mother. He sorts the rest of the washing

Yes! This has tickled me 😆

MaddestGranny · 29/06/2025 20:04

Dear @AmyDudley , I've found that countering with a very quick sample (10-20seconds) - on full volume, of course - of something like The Hallelujah Chorus or Mahler's 8th Symphony usually gets the point across 😅, i.e. that annoying noise travels in all directions.
Of course, if you want to be really annoying, then it has to be Wagner - at greater length. 😂

Spotify is your friend.