Reception class allocation

[uniquemarta]

Hello - before I get lashed out with harsh answers please be kind 🙏

👋 my son is due to start reception in September. There are 5 children from his nursery going to same school in reception, but only he's been placed in a class on his own while all the other 4 are together, one of which is his really good friend. I made him aware that he's not going to be in a class with his friends and he's is so sad to the point of tears; he said he feels very sad and confused he doesn't want to be alone in a class without his friends. We're both sad and anxious now. As much as I try to reassure him that he will make new friends and he will be well and enjoy school, I cabt help but worry how this is going to affect hid emotional well-being through this transition. He is a social boy but sensitive and emotional, he gets easily attached to people and he needs that familiar face to settle easily in a place unless he doesnt have that option. I approached the school manager and she bluntly said that they can't dp anything letters are out and that is that he needs to stay where he is. The nursery manager approached me and questioned allocation as she felt it isn't right also knowing how my son although able to make friends, often feels lonely and needs his peer support or a familiar face,. I approached again school and manager gave me the same response saying that "he will have other familiar faces in his class" and nothing can be done. I tried to let it go, I keep encouraging my son that he will make new friends and he will be absolutely ok, he cries every time I remind him his friends won't be with him as it hasn't sunk on with him, he always mentioned doing this and that with his friends in school. Nursery managers still question this and advised me to forward this to inclusion officer and assistant head, which o have. I read lots of forums in other moms experiencing this with reception and I can see no one had a positive outcome following appeal, so I am ready to accept it, it'll take a while especially for my son, but i had to try before I give up. Anyone had a different response? Thank you

Stop reminding him he won't be in a class with his friends. He can still play with them at break and dinner but, gently, he's only in nursery. A lot of children (most, I'd wager) don't know anyone in their class going into reception. It's totally normal, he will make new friends. It was extremely unlikely he would maintain nursery friendships going into school.

If he talks about playing with Jimmy and Simon at school just nod and say yes I'm sure they'll play lots together at lunch time, and to think of all the new friends he can make too, change the subject and talk about how lovely his new teacher is or how dapper he'll look in the uniform.

Speak to the school. They usually split groups in half. Ask why he's alone, yet the other 4 are together. They hopefully will change it.

Usually in reception when there are several classes they will share a playground and mix during break, lunchtimes etc plus during free flow play. He will still be able to see his friends from nursery at plenty of points across the school day. It sounds like you are making it worse if you are constantly reminding him every time he talks about doing XYZ with his nursery friends that he won’t be able to because they’re not in his class.

Starting school is still 2 months away, that’s a long time for you to be constantly reminding him he’s not with his friends! It’s a long time for him to be carrying that anxiety. Let him get excited about school and talk about the things he’ll do with his current friends, stop shutting him down with reminders of their change of class and setting him up to be an anxious wreck by the time school starts. If he says he is going to do XYZ with his nursery friends just add on ‘Yes, you’ll see them lots and lots in the playground plus you’ll make lots of new friends who you can play with too.’

You are the adult, you need to put a positive spin on this for your son. He will still see his friends at lunch and playtimes, he will have new friends in his class who he can introduce to his old friends - try and make that exciting for him! In terms of needing to ‘prepare’ him to not be in the same class wait until a day or two before he’s actually going to start school and just make it a gentle reminder, ‘Yes, Leo and Arlo will be at school, remember they’re in the other classroom so you will say hello and have a story inside with your new friends and they’ll do the same in their classroom and then when you go outside to play you’ll get to find Leo and Arlo and tell them about your morning.’ The school clearly isn’t going to change students around so you need to change your attitude towards this, not expect the school to pander to your anxiety.

Reception teacher here. It sounds like a mistake to me. Were they aware all 5 were going from the same nursery? We always put children from the same settings in the same class or an equal split between both. The only reason is if the nursery leaders have told us to keep certain childen separate from others. I'd go and have a word with the EYFS lead. If it was me at my school we would be happy to rectify the mistake.

Why do you keep mentioning it to him and increasing his anxiety??? Turn it around and make it sound fun. He will be meet new friends and he can tell his other friends all about them at break times

Stop making such a big deal out of it by mentioning it to him.
He doesn't start 'til September, which is a lifetime away for a 4 year old.
You being 'anxious and sad' helps no-one.

You probably shouldn’t have told him this early about not being with his old friends. But the manager is right. They can’t change it round as they would have to do that with every child surely. Kids are resilient, he’ll be fine and get use to it. It’s a good lesson to learn as he might not be with his friends in high school either.

I don’t think you’re helping him by reminding him, especially as you’ve spoken to the school already and they’ve indicated they’re not willing to change it. Best to accept it is what it is and start putting a positive spin on it for your DC’s sake.

Stop talking to him about the fact he won’t be in a class with his friends and start saying positive things about all the fun he will have meeting new people.

My DC started school in reception knowing no one when around 25 of the class had been together in the preschool. They are at the end of reception now and you’d never know, they have loads of friends now and always had people to play with.

He can still see his old friends at break times anyway.

It will be fine.

Reception classes usually have a meet and greet at a local soft play so make sure you can make it to that then he meet a few new kids.
Stop reminding him that he's going to be alone, he's not, he will be making lots of new friends.

You're over thinking it, so just be positive about it. He'll make new friends, he'll still see his nursery friends at break and lunchtime.

Start now to help your son think of the new opportunities at school. Yes it’s hard not to have known friends in class, but it may help him make new friends in his own right and find his feet more quickly. You reminding him about them not being in his class is unkind, he’ll be carrying that for the next couple of months instead of putting it out of his mind and enjoying summer. He’ll be fine, he could easily have been going to a school where he doesn’t know anyone and would be fine.

Same here - I'd be asking if it was indeed a mistake or if there was any rationale behind it. The only time it would be difficult to solve would be if both classes are full as they can't go over 30. If they're not, swapping him into the other class really isn't that big of an issue. I think it's awkward because you've spoken twice to perhaps the wrong person - do you mean office/business manager? I think you really need to speak to the EYFS lead or a member of the SLT.

Stop talking about it.
Let him do the transition day.
In all my dcs reception they had long periods of free play between both classrooms, plus break and lunch

It sounds difficult but I agree with a PP that your role as a parent is to be positive about it and not keep reminding your son that he won’t be with his nursery friends.

It may not feel it right now but he will be fine, he will make lots of new friends and the staff will be used to helping the children to settle, to mix and to get to know each other. Friendships at that age can be very transient - it won’t be long before he’s talking about new friends and he’ll still see his nursery friends at break or out of class.

Is there anywhere you can go over the holidays where he’ll see other children that are going into Reception - park, soft play etc? There may be ways to help him to have a couple of familiar faces for Day 1 - focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t.

Honestly, it will all work out. If the school won't budge (maybe write an email again and request a switch in class? I think it's unfair they won't consider it) it will all be ok & he will definitely make friends. I've found with my DC, they do change friendship groups along the way, so try not to worry.

I feel like this is a parallel world. I live in Ireland, so maybe itd different. I've never heard of a school finding out who kids friends are before school starts and keeping or separating groups. I've certainly never heard of them meeting at a soft play centre before!

Tell your boy he can play with his old friends at break and with his new friends in class. And dont keep mentioning it and feeding his anxiety.

Honestly, they will make new friends within a week. There are break and lunch to catch up and also they end up changing friendships all the time through primary.
There will be lots of kids in the same boat, and quite honestly they actually forget nursery very quickly like it never happened.
Nursery is a whole world while it lasts then all of a sudden it's a distant memory.
My sons was stuck to one teacher at nursery we had dreadful problems where he wouldnt leave her hip all day, she couldnt look after the other kids, they had to get an extra staff member so his favourite teacher could play with him one on one for most of the day. He now can't rememeber that or even her name and he only in year 2 now.

Connect with other mums in the new class and set up some play dates. I understand the disappointment, OP, but this is quite a lot of entitlement for a 4yr old’s friendships, which ultimately won’t matter in the long term (or even the medium term.

Why have you mentioned it to him when it’s still a couple of months before starting school - you need to act positively about this.

DT’s were the only two children from their nursery going to their new school and we asked that they be put in separate classes in order for them to be with new children.

My ds2 was the only one of my 5 dc who went to primary school knowing other children from nursery/preschool. My younger 3 knew a few children a little bit as they also had older siblings but my ds1 started primary school knowing nobody at all. He also has autism. He was completely fine, had a little wobble on day 4 but cheered up immediately. Got a bit upset on the first day he stayed for lunch as it was cottage pie and he "wasn't sure if he liked cottages" . Not sure why that was as he ate cottage pie at home all the time. And then at half term he cried because the teacher said "have a nice holiday" , meaning holiday from school and ds thought he would be in trouble because we weren't going away on holiday during half term. But the teacher reassured him that wasn't what she meant and it was all good.

I know this feels like a massive deal to you now but honestly it isn't. This time 19 years ago i was so worried about ds1 starting school but he was honestly absolutely fine. Like previous posters have said, you need to be positive about this with him and not talk about it nearly as much at this stage. Also have a look around locally as a lot of the soft plays near here will do special sessions for new reception children in the summer holidays so they can meet other children who will be in their class. It might be really good for him.

It's really not a big deal. DD2 was the only one from nursery in her reception class ( we moved house) then she was the only one who went to secondary school from the whole primary. Soon made new friends.

Stop making a big deal of it. It’s really no big deal. Neither of mine started school with any friends from nursery. In one case, we did a big cross country move just before, started a new preschool, and then reception (with no one he knew). Totally fine, they had new best friends in like 3 days. Children are very resilient.

It honestly won't matter at all and I echo those who say stop going on about it to him and just be positive and excited about his new school. Round our way people set up Facebook groups for parents of kids starting reception in a particular school, and usually have some kind of informal get together in a park/beach over the summer. Maysee uf that's a thing where you are.

My son knew half the class as they'd all been at he same preschool, including his best friend.

It took about a week before one of the boys who didn't know anybody else had been fully accepted and they became a trio. It's a one form intake so there was no other class joining them outside.

I understand that you are trying to prepare your son, but it's two months away. I think you are likely to be causing more anxiety rather than reducing it.

My DD started reception knowing no one , and the majority of the class had all been to the attached preschool together. It was great, she was extremely popular as she was someone new, not the same kids they'd known for 2 years already. If the school won't move him you need to start making it big opportunity for him instead of a sadness.