Reception class allocation

[uniquemarta]

Hello - before I get lashed out with harsh answers please be kind 🙏

👋 my son is due to start reception in September. There are 5 children from his nursery going to same school in reception, but only he's been placed in a class on his own while all the other 4 are together, one of which is his really good friend. I made him aware that he's not going to be in a class with his friends and he's is so sad to the point of tears; he said he feels very sad and confused he doesn't want to be alone in a class without his friends. We're both sad and anxious now. As much as I try to reassure him that he will make new friends and he will be well and enjoy school, I cabt help but worry how this is going to affect hid emotional well-being through this transition. He is a social boy but sensitive and emotional, he gets easily attached to people and he needs that familiar face to settle easily in a place unless he doesnt have that option. I approached the school manager and she bluntly said that they can't dp anything letters are out and that is that he needs to stay where he is. The nursery manager approached me and questioned allocation as she felt it isn't right also knowing how my son although able to make friends, often feels lonely and needs his peer support or a familiar face,. I approached again school and manager gave me the same response saying that "he will have other familiar faces in his class" and nothing can be done. I tried to let it go, I keep encouraging my son that he will make new friends and he will be absolutely ok, he cries every time I remind him his friends won't be with him as it hasn't sunk on with him, he always mentioned doing this and that with his friends in school. Nursery managers still question this and advised me to forward this to inclusion officer and assistant head, which o have. I read lots of forums in other moms experiencing this with reception and I can see no one had a positive outcome following appeal, so I am ready to accept it, it'll take a while especially for my son, but i had to try before I give up. Anyone had a different response? Thank you

Like others have said,please don’t keep reminding him just now.
Surely he’ll see his nursery friends in the playground at break time and lunchtime.
My DD started primary school not knowing one single child.This was because we had moved house and kept her at the nursery school she was used to.
DD settled in well and within a few weeks she was getting invites for play dates.
Please don’t let your son worry and have anxiety over the summer holidays .

Please don't worry, which I know is hard. My son started Reception, in a school where he didn't know any other child. He was the only child from his pre-school to go to his Infant school. We moved during his last year at pre-school, but I didn't want him moving pre-schools, so we just commuted. The catchment for his Infant school was in a completely different area to his pre-school. My son is a sensitive soul, and he struggled massively to settle in pre-school, so I was worried about him starting Infant school not knowing any other children. He was a bit teary the first day going in, but he settled so well, and made lots of friends. Your son will still see the other children from nursery at break and lunch. I'm sure he will feel anxious on the first day or so, but he will be so busy, he won't have time to miss his nursery friends. Make the teacher aware on the first day, and they'll make sure he's OK. Remember that the teaching staff are very experienced with new starters in Reception/Foundation, there's nothing they haven't had to deal with. Stop telling him he won't have these children in his class, because you will feed his anxiousness. He knows these children won't be in his class, so leave it. Say no more. Is there a new starter Facebook or similar, parent group for the school? If you know the class, ask on there if anyone would like to meet up with you and your son over the summer, and explain he won't know anyone in the class. Many parents do this, when in the same position.

The fact you feel anxious about this is ridiculous. You are an adult, you surely know there will be children in there that know nobody, you know that the staff do this every year with reception children. Your anxiety is passing onto your child and it is unfair, why do you keep reminding him of something upsetting? Are you trying to make him scared of school? When he is upset and not wanting to go in during those first few weeks
maybe reflect on how the experience has been built up for him.

This - it’s just bizarre. You’re meant to make him feel better about this kind of stuff. Not wind him up.

If you are an ex-head, this is extremely weird advice.

This is an operational matter and has nothing at all to do with the governors.

Teacher here. He will be totally fine. Honestly they don't generally have strong bonds at this age and will have forgotten by Sept who was friends with who. It's also a nice opportunity to make new friends and still keep existing ones. Don't keep talking about it and be positive. This is just one of the many many things about them going to school that you can't control and where it is good to show and build resilience.

This. It seems unusually mean and unnecessary. In saying that it could be a good opportunity to make new friends. Agree with PP to not make a big thing about it.

@Miffylou you would involve a Chair of Governors in a class allocation

Not initially, no, but given that the OP has not had any success in obtaining a reasonable response (by which I mean an explanation, rather than just doing what she wants) so far, it might ensure that an explanation for their action is given.

I just want to add - don't worry about being one of 'those' parents, ever. You are the only one advocating solely for your child. Teachers etc need to advocate for all of their children but you are the only one with solely your child at heart.

Why do you keep reminding him they're in different classes if it's upsetting him OP? If the school can't change things I suggest you focus on the positives and getting him excited for school. There must be some kids he knows from nursery and he will see the other kids are drop off and possibly playtimes and lunchtime. You can involve him in buying a new school bag or lunchbox or whatever might work for him and stop reminding him of the negatives.

I do understand why you're upset but it sounds like there's nothing you can do do you need to make this easier rather than harder on your child.

You need to stop being sad about this and remind him and yourself that he will be fine. He will make new friends as well as having his friends from nursery. Our children look to us for reassurance everything is going to be okay. It’s a shame when a child is this upset and worried about starting school.

This isn't necessarily true. I also thought friendships were fairly transient at that age until I had my daughter. I believe OP when she says her son makes strong friendships.

I'd probably mention it to the school as it does seem a bit odd that they'd split a group coming from the same nursery 1:4 rather than 2:3 unless they'd been asked to separate children. It may be a simple mistake that's easily corrected. But I wouldn't worry about it hugely. Friendships change very quickly at that age. My DC all went to nursery near my work but school near home so had no friends from nursery in their reception classes and it didn't seem to cause any problems. To be honest, even moving from primary to secondary all mine had different friends very quickly and you'd think primary school friendships were quite well established by then. But faced with a big new group of potential friends I think it's quite normal for children to develop new relationships - it's not that there was anything bad about the old friendships, just that things change.
I think you're reasonable to mention it to the school but keep it light. It's not the end of the world if your DS is in a different class. The probability is that all 5 of them will have different friends within weeks if not days, so try not to worry.

If the friendship is that strong then it will survive bring in different classes

Why on earth do you keep reminding him!! STOP MENTIONING IT! I can't believe how cruel you're being if it makes him cry.

Now, your options are...
The teacher has said there'l be other familiar faces. Who? Maybe she is only hearing that he's not with his best friend and didn't get the part that he won't know ANYONE. I'd ask her for clarity in her comment, to bring it to her attention that he'll have NO familiar faces. I wouldn't mentioned best friend.

To get Nursery to contact them with the concerns they've expressed. It might have more wammy coming from them.

Yes, hopefully, which I already said to the OP re facilitating them meeting outside of school as well. I just don't agree with all the posts assuring her it's a breeze when it isn't necessarily.

"Will have forgotten by September who was friends with who."
Really? You don’t actually sound as if you understand four-year-olds very well. These might be children that OP's son has been seeing daily for 3 years. He’s not going to just forget about them, especially if he sees them together in school but not in his class. In any case, he might be continuing in nursery over the summer. Yes he will make new friends, but it’s odd for the school to have made this decision unless there’s something we don’t know.

I’m a governor and can’t imagine a HT recommending that this be sent to the Chair of Governors. Really?! The child does not seem to have SEN or any additional needs either, he just would prefer to have a familiar face - what happened to building resilience?

That was to @Miffylou

The HT doesn’t have to "recommend" it!

Operational decisions are up to the HT, not the governors, but governors are entitled to ask about the rationale behind the decision. If the HT refuses to reply that’s their right and up to them but would be telling.

You need to stop going on about it to him - you are making him anxious

I have never heard of it either and I live in England 🤔

Parenting mistake!

You don't go telling a little person that they're not with their nursery friend. You've turned it into something negative from the outset. No wonder he is upset.

You don't tell him that but say he will get to meet loads of other lovely people at school and has a lovely teacher.