To despise picky eaters?

[Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair]

If you have an allergy or religious reasons not to eat something, fine obviously but grown adults who 'don't eat' something absolutely irk me beyond words. My MIL looked horrified earlier when I said I was making chicken as a part of a weekend spread because SIL 'doesn't eat it'. I have accommodated for SIL but honestly, I was bought up that you get what you're given and eat what's infront of you. It's terrible manners is it not?

Yabu - hosts should cater for preferences
Yanbu - it's rude

Yes! My dad has literally never tried pasta or rice because he won't like 'things like that' yet is extremely vocal about his 'fussy' sister who doesn't eat fish!
He was also aghast that I was going for a curry in a group as most people don't like curry apparently 😂

It's a fact? BIL couldn't honeymoon in Greece because she was going to the same Island a month after him and she didn't want the photos he took to ruin her experience visiting the first time. She is very sweet but these behaviours have been accommodated over and over and the fussy eating is another one of them that MIL has enabled.

I wouldn't consider someone with one food they don't like as a fussy eater.

Not some foods…almost all foods.
People with a genuine eating disorder like ARFID will go out of their way to not draw attention to it and not be a difficult guest. If not eating a specific dish at your house caused an issue I’d just not go.
Im more than happy to not eat but people have this weird obsession with trying to get me to eat something they like or they’ve cooked.

I've several issues with food.

My mum ended up hating cooking because my father made her do it for lots of people because he liked being a host doing entertaining. Once she'd got rid of him I grew up on ready meals because the whole thing had traumatised her. I then developed bulimia at 13 when my gran died. Then I married a psychologically abusive man who used food as a means to make me out to be ungrateful and mentally ill. I then developed physical problems which makes it difficult for me to swallow food. And now I'm quite neurotic about food which I hate.

I avoid social occasions where food is involved because I've no desire to explain myself or have judgemental people think I'm being difficult for the sake of it.

So to all those who would accept good reasons, why do you think people should explain themselves to you, can you not just accept they don't want to eat certain things and otherwise leave them alone?

That's very sad nut you don't sound like you'd be very demanding or vocal about your preferences in an entitled way at all so I very much doubt anyone would be offended by your fussiness. It sounds like you're relatively quiet about it which is fine obviously

YANBU. When we make big family meals there’s plenty of food but we don’t ask preferences.

Either eat it or don’t eat it.

@Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair have you ever thrown up your dinner after holding it in your mouth, trying this "don't be rude and eat what's put Infront of you" that you speak of. Refused to attend dinner parties knowing that you make the host a terrible job trying to accommodate your eating disorder.
If not then I'd suggest reading up on ARFID as so many people have mentioned on this thread, and realise some of us can't help "fussy eating" because just the thought of having to eat something can cause clammy hands and sickness you can't get through. Even reading just eat what's put Infront of you can cause someone with ARFID these reactions.
In your SIL case it may be choice in a different guests situation it could actually be an eating disorder they live every day of their life trying to over come and get set back by just the thought of not being rude which is actually what caused mine, well that and food poisoning at age 7 that lasted 2 weeks. Nearly 30 years later I can't eat at a friend's house for fear of being "Rude"

I wouldnt eat something I didn’t like- like all types of fish. I would happily eat sides and not make a fuss. You don’t sound like a very good host.

You worry about what u eat and let others please themselves. Ppl have every right to eat/not eat, like/dislike food or anything else for that matter.

There are I things that I don't eat, but I would never dream of dictating the menu if I am invited somewhere. I would just eat the rest of the food, take a tiny bit of the thing that I don't like and try to camouflage it under the fork when I am done. There is usually potatos, sauce, vegetables, salad and bread so it's not like I would starve.

My partner's family members are all incredibly picky eaters and after a decade of trying to cater to them and all their individual tastes and being completely stressed out every time they came over, I dropped the rope. We only go out to eat with them now and I let the kitchen deal with their food issues.

You despise them?! Fucking hell imagine what you’d say about people who have done something them can actually help not just having preferences and dislikes. Do you like every single type of food?

I eat almost anything but if someone served me Salmon I simply wouldn’t even attempt to eat it. Because it’s rank.

If someone serves up something that I don't like, I tend to do as @Jellycatspyjamas does and mainly eat the accompanying dishes - but I'm a wimp and will normally have a tiny amount of what I don't like too

I remember going to someone's house and she'd made a main dish with aubergines, which I hate. I choked down a tiny amount, because she'd made an effort. Same with spicy or highly seasoned food, I can't stand it unless it's garlic, but some people do prepare food that way. It's tricky sometimes.

I have to admit that chicken is something that I'd assume that most non-vegetarians would eat. So as long as there were other dishes that your SIL liked, I wouldn't leave it off the menu if everyone else enjoys it.

My 12-year-old hates mushrooms with a passion. He was invited to a friend’s grandparents house for a weekend, where he was fed pasta with truffles (yep, I know :)) and he ate it all and said thank you, because he didn’t want to be rude and make it awkward.

Still won’t touch the stuff at home!

Despise? That’s a strong word! Do you eat EVERYTHING and ANYTHING served to you OP? I

Assuming you're exempting vegans etc, then IA with you. I don't eat meat or dairy but will happily eat anything and everything else and am grateful to be cooked for at all.

People go to the effort of serving up something homemade, and it's pathetic behaviour for a grown adult to start whining at their free meal, "Bbbbbut I don't like carrots 😩" and pick off bits of carrot or whatever over to the other side of the plate. You're 46. GET OVER IT AND EAT THE BLOODY CARROT, JEREMY.

But you would have absolutely no way of knowing why I was fussy, so if you invited me to your house for a meal and I spoke up in advance about anything I didn't want to eat I expect you'd roll your eyes and think, fuck's sake another fussy eater, how rude, she should just eat what I cook for her.

It makes me sad to think of you choking down pork because your parents made you feel that expressing a preference is rude or entitled!

You can express a preference to your friends and family. They want to hear it because they like you and they want you to be happy. They want to cook something that you like, they don't want you choking down pork to save their feelings. Honestly.

Does this impact other areas of your life or is just food based?

I wonder how many days of starvation during war, famine, pestilence, dystopian future it would take for all the entitled, complacent 'picky eaters' to suddenly be able and happy to eat whatever foods they could scrabble out of the blood and dirt?

To be clear, was your MIL was saying that NO ONE could eat any chicken at this family get-together, because your SIL dislikes it?

If that's the case, she was being unreasonable. As long as your SIL has some alternatives to eat.

But why is it rude or ungrateful to say that you really dislike something?

How you say it and when you say it are obviously important - if she tells you she's doing pork 2 weeks in advance and you say nothing til the day and then say 'Oh but I hate pork, it is disgusting' then yes... that is very rude.

However if you tell her at the time 'Oh, I really don't like pork, I'll not come/bring my own protein' then how is that rude or ungrateful?

How far would you take it - someone serves you a boiled sheeps head complete with eyeballs, or a big bowl of jellied eels - you'd stuff that down between retches and pretend it was lovely?

Why would anyone want to have guests, then not care if they're feeding them something they absolutely can't stand? Surely THAT is incredibly rude!

I agree, there is definitely a sub group who are very fussy to attention seek. I will eat absolutely anything, but really do appreciate that other people have likes and dislikes, and medical triggers

with my boys I’d ask them to try things, don’t like it, no problem

If it was salmon or prawns I wouldn’t eat it. These are pretty much the only 2 foods on the planet that I cannot eat, and I’ve tried some pretty weird stuff !

so yeah, you’d think I was rude but would you rather I sat there at your table, actively gagging with my eyes watering choking it down ?!

Same.
.
Its shit having ARFID as an adult. People think you're anorexic, and apparently a lot of people hate anorexics. I mean hate. Which they shouldn't, to start with, I'm sure that's no picnic either. But I'm not. If I could snap my fingers and gain 15lb, which would make me a very healthy size, I'd do it. I just can't physically eat the food to get there. All meat makes me retch. And the things that make me sick change. For ages I was eating porridge for breakfast and then one day it gave me awful stomach pain and I never could again, but I've found that if I bake the oats in the oven until they're really dry I can eat them. Apparently there's nothing serious wrong with my guts, its all psychological, so its...ARFID/autism, apparently. But because its not anorexia and its not a physical problem, people think its not a real thing, you're just annoying on purpose and should get over yourself.

I wish I enjoyed a variety of foods. It must be great. My health is not too bad because there is a (repetetive) selection of vegetables I can't eat if they are cooked dry and I supplement heavily with iron, b12, etc, but it would be lovely to get the same pleasure most people do from a restaurant meal instead of several days of anxiety. Judge on though.