To despise picky eaters?

[Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair]

If you have an allergy or religious reasons not to eat something, fine obviously but grown adults who 'don't eat' something absolutely irk me beyond words. My MIL looked horrified earlier when I said I was making chicken as a part of a weekend spread because SIL 'doesn't eat it'. I have accommodated for SIL but honestly, I was bought up that you get what you're given and eat what's infront of you. It's terrible manners is it not?

Yabu - hosts should cater for preferences
Yanbu - it's rude

Same. I always say ‘please don’t worry about me’ or ask them not to cook.
Some still insist on trying to feed me even though I’ve specifically said I don’t want to eat or will only eat part of what been offered.

Are you completely self centered about everything? You can't see how someone's mental health or condition is none fo your business?

I’m a picky eater and give no attention to anyone commenting on what I eat. My ex h complained about it and it is one of the reasons I am thankful to get rid, no more comments on my food choices.

I think the discussion has moved on since then, so I’ll let you read the other posts and if you still want to say that me and my feelings are irrelevant then you can come back and own that sentiment.

@Barnbrack I agree that no one needs to share details, but I think it’s polite to let the host know in advance that you won’t be eating, because it costs time and money to prepare food and most people spend more when they’re having others over.

If they know in advance, they won’t cater for you.

I've read the entire thread from the post I responded to and I see nothing that doesn't scream 'but you've insulted my cooking and not divulged your related medical history, so I am left thinking you simply didn't enjoy my cooking because I can't think beyond that and my feelings are hurt because you didn't eat and compliment my food' but maybe I missed something

But the host can't read your mind.
If someone doesn't know you have a medical issue, and you then come for a meal and don't eat anything, they'll be confused and probably upset.

And while you're dealing with an ED, they might be dealing with depression, or a recent death in the family. Everybody's feelings matter, not just yours.

😀 I want the laugh emoji back because you soooooo nailed it

op already said it’s PART of the spread and CATERED for her SIL

Despite being brought up with ‘you get what you’re given and this isn’t a restaurant’, my youngest is picky. Certain textures, smells and flavours he cannot stand and he won’t eat. He’s a beige food club member. We are lucky to get what we do into him. I’ve started making smoothies to get veg down him and this is working so far. I even have him cook with me and he will cook but won’t eat what he’s made unless it’s something he will actually eat. My oldest will eat anything you put in front of him. Requires a lot of patience and creativity.

The ops sil/mil did let her know beforehand.

@Barnbrack My suggestion was directed more towards the posters who know that they're unlikely to be able to eat anything that their host has prepared and get anxious - probably best just to tell the host that you won't be eating so that they don't cater for you.

The OP's example is a weird one, tbh as she says that she's served chicken to her SIL multiple times and this is the first time that MIL has said not to, while she was unloading her shopping, i.e. at the last minute after she's already bought everything. Of course, chicken can be frozen so it's not a big deal. Perhaps her SIL was trying to be polite and forced it down on previous occasions, but her Mum's just let the cat out of the bag that she actually hates it?

I find it utterly bizarre that anyone would be annoyed with anyone that won’t eat particular foods. But then again we’re all ND in our house and one of my kids has ARFID. I don’t expect anyone else to cater for my kids, and most people that don’t eat a certain food would just eat something else or go without. I’m not sure why it would have to irk anyone else since it’s not affecting them 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes you did- the fact that those with ED on the thread said they do actually give the host a heads up that they won’t be eating. Which was all that was asked for, and which everyone agreed was reasonable and polite, and good communication.

You clearly have little actual lived knowledge of ARFID. And as for it being ‘rare’….it’s actually not at all rare. Before it was termed ‘arfid’ in 2013, doctors called it Selective Eating Disorder (SED). So nothing has changed except for the name and the way it’s being treated more seriously now.

My 20yr old son was diagnosed with it officially in 2021 but has had it from birth/weaning and his doctors recognised it as SED from about the age of 8, when I sought help.
You’ll find loads of people on mumsnet discussing and mentioning arfid because many of our children (many who are autistic) have a diagnosis of arfid and fight every day for support! Many of our children (and adult children) are being NG tube fed or PEG fed.

Sorry @Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair - I didn’t want to derail your thread but people on here are trying to give genuine advice so thought I’d explain a little more about arfid.

Despise is a strong word.

Academically, I understand that neurodivergent people have a hard time and struggle with certain foods. I also know that you can’t necessarily tell who is neurodivergent just by looking at them, and it's best to be kind and accepting and non-judgemental to all.

I also think it’s polite to ask guests “is there anything you don't like?” And usually there will be something, like for me it is beetroot, and for my friend it is shellfish. Which I don’t see a big problem with, if it’s just one or two things.

However, being utterly honest and realistic, if I am faced with an otherwise mentally and socially competent adult who will
not eat basic food categories like vegetables or pasta or long lists of things, eating out and catering for them becomes a logistical nightmare and I find myself becoming very quickly irritated.

Ffs it's not like she was demanding a special meal. I don't like chicken, I would just happily eat the other bits 🤷‍♀️ what's the issue? You expect her to eat something she doesn't like?

op has also SHOWN she's a very resentful HOST with a very odd PERCEPTION of manners

We’ve just recently realised our lovely friend we lost 2 years ago would have been considered ARFID.

He was a pain when it came to eating. I cooked a family Christmas dinner and had to pop his pizza on just for him. I’d do it again without a second thought if it meant having him back.

I honestly don't think it has anything to do with being neurodivergent most if not all people have food preferences and that's OK we should just be more accepting

These fussy eaters are basically attention seekers. Keep them hungry for a few days, watch the ‘fussiness’ disappear. All of a sudden all the phobias or whatever excuses would no longer exist.

People should just eat what is put in front of them. It's just basic politeness.

Nope. Nice try.

People will eat people if they get hungry enough.

I agree OP although it’s not so much pickiness I mind, but when it comes with rudeness like pulling faces at the mention of the food/s they don’t like.

Yes SIL I’m talking to you - you don’t like cheese we get it. It’s been 20years - we don’t need to see the shuddering.